The following email exchange originally ran on July 6, 2013. BTW, MOMI is Ed Calkins-ese for "Mistress of My Immortality."
Will Ed Calkins Attend the July 17 Book Signing? Only if
He's not in Egypt....
O Steward,
Please see the attached flyer for the BryonySeries
fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.
It's from 6 to 7:30 p.m., July 17 at 417 Taylor Street in
Joliet, Illinois. Chef in training Timothy Baran will be serving "Darlene's
Trifle" from the cookbook, Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and
Nibbles from "Bryony," with all proceeds from all cookbook sales
being donated to BBBS (www.bbbswillgrundy.org).
Plus, 30 percent of sales from all other BryonySeries
product will also be donated. I'm sure many readers believe you're only a
fictional character. I'm convinced that if you appear and sign a few books (and
destroy any unbelievers through verse), you'll dispel any previous and
thoroughly false notions.
Respectfully,
MOMI
Dear MOMI
The situation in Egypt may keep me from being able to
attend, but I'll be there in person or spirit.
Once again, the country is playing an elaborate prank to try and draw me
into taking over the country. I would threaten to insult them, but there lies
another problem with an Ed Calkins run Egypt.
The Egyptians I know are always so nice, the only insult I could level
at them is their dogs have bad breath. I can't count on the IVA (Irish Vampires
Association). As you know, the Irish
have always be beholden to the country for inventing beer and then embracing a
faith that forbids it's consumption (thus insuring a stable supply for the
IVA). Resolving this problem is taxing my ability to sleep or spell words
incorrectly.
BTW, I haven't forgotten
the ice cream plan or your daughter's ancestry (I DID IT), I'm just
preoccupied.
Ruthlessly yours,
Ed
Calkins, Steward of Tara
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