Our family's had more than its share of medical unicorns prancing into our lives.
One might think, considering we've survived them all (so far), we'd be filled with great awe and admiration for modern medicine.
But we're not.
Instead, we're often filled with anxiety over what modern medicine might do to us (some of those unicorns are in the drug reaction club) or what new and strange malady might befall us.
Seriously.
Popular buzz words in our home include pheochromocytoma, mast cell disorders/chronic urticaria, Steven Johnson Syndrome, hidradenitis suppurativa, Hashimoto's disease, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), familial polycythemia (without the vera), hyperhidrosis, and inappropriate sinus tachycardia mixed in with the rather normal diabetes, asthma, Asperger's, depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, dyslexia, allergies (seasonal, food, and drug), white coat hypertension, irritable bowel syndrome, diverticulosis, and diverticulitis (which actually might not have been diverticulitis after all - which really doesn't surprise me).
The awe/anxiety seesaw is a real spiritual pushmi-pullyu in our lives.
People used to comment on my patience for homeschooling my six children. I'd reply that patience is developed by enveloping ourselves in situations that cause impatience.
The same is probably true with overcoming medical anxiety. So I've worked really hard this past year to reframe my thinking with more and less success. Fortunately (?), God has provided plenty of opportunities, too.
This doesn't mean every situation will go well or every provider will be fantastic. But it does mean to have a little faith that the Holy Spirit is present in every situation and will guide us (and those around us) in that moment.
So...
Today I am happily on a clear liquid diet in anticipation of tomorrow's colonoscopy. I say "happily" because the procedure has already be rescheduled four times this year for various medical reasons that weren't sedation friendly.
In these weeks, I've learned an appreciation for the procedure, which - although it has its risks (of which I cannot completely control), is a privilege many people in the world simply cannot access.
I'm going to try to keep this in mind as the day progresses.
I've already set myself up for success on the back end (no pun intended) by setting up the day, the diet, and the timing of these next two days with all weird health issues factored in. Because realistically, grumbling about being hungry really is the least of my concerns.
The undercurrent of this post is not intended to be whining. It's to address fear. And we all come face-to-face with fear in our lives, even if the situational cause is not identical.
If you're facing fear today, I'm facing it with you. And I hope that helps you.
All that's left is for me/us today to untie the boat and sail out to the middle of the lake and meet the uncertainty, where the real spiritual growth happens.
What's the old saying? A boat is safe in the harbor. But that is not the point of the boat (paraphrased).
So anchor lifted, here I go.
With a big bowl of quivering lemon Jell-O (not blue Jello-O) sitting in the refrigerator with a big spoonful already gone.
Because I've already embarked.
And because blue Jell-O is not allowed
