By Ed Calkins, The Steward of Tara
To such an end, Brother Clover and his fellow monks discovered a unpopulated shore of ice somewhere in the northwestern Atlantic and pledged to eke out a living there. Lest that prove too easy, they also took vows of chastity, poverty, and silence.
Not long afterwards, boats appeared on the horizon. More brothers wanted in on this. Unwilling to horde their spiritual riches, they brothers accepted the new recruits but added more prayer and longer work days to the docket.
As years went by, more monks came to join, to the point where the island, harsh as it was, became quite populated, some would say crowded, so vegetarianism was added. (More evidence that Clover was related to Leo the comic.) This did stop the less committed from becoming monks, but it didn't stop them from wanting to serve God, through helping the monks.
It started innocently enough, an occasional cake baked from someone’s mother but it rapidly expanded. Soon, mothers fought over the right to cook for the monks, while gardeners competed to work in the gardens. Dishes got washed. Clothes were pressed. Furniture was dusted. Even people without time to help this way insisted on getting a piece of the Martyr racket by tossing coins on the shore. Monks became so fat and lazy they could hardly walk.
Brother Clover could take no more. In a combination of miming, finger gesturing, and mouthing words he laid down the law. No servants for the monks! They all had to leave and take their meals, clothes, furniture, perfumes, footbaths, fine art, pinball machines, jewels, fineries, and money with them! Well, the monks understood perfectly but their mothers refused to get the hint.
The official blog of Denise M. Baran-Unland, author. Discover her books for all ages at bryonyseries.com.
Showing posts with label Leo the Comic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leo the Comic. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Denise Unland's Alternative Geneology Part 6
By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara
This chapter of Denise's ancestors has the chance meeting of two people who never knew they were related. To understand this meeting, one must partake in a little Irish history. We must go to the seventh century where a young Bishop, who REALLY didn't like snakes, waited in a vestibule from the Vatican for permission for his proposed trip back to the island that enslaved him years before. Finally the answer came to Patrick, still in the vestibule but now twenty years older, that he could go. (These things take time.) Many of you know this story. In a few years, not only was Patrick’s mission accomplished, (killing all the snakes), but the Irish people converted as well.
Not long afterwards, the Vatican wished they had stayed pagan. You see, even though the church grew, abbeys were formed, and priests were consecrated, swelling the number of followers under its power, two traits of the Irish clergy began to emerge. First, the Irish took to writing in Latin with passion and a brogue. Very quickly papers on church doctrine flowed southeast at alarming rates, making monasteries around the world wondering if the printing press had been invented early. But more damaging, the Irish tended to make things up.
Of course, Rome had dealt with heresies before, but the stuff coming from the Irish had a certain charm, making theologians wish they had come up with it themselves. Besides that, they couldn't match the volume of myths and superstitions enough to call them out, such as the doctrine of "White Martyrdom", (a concept that sounds suspiciously like Leo the Comic's situation.)
The idea went like this. Since Ireland was outside of the Roman Empire during the 300 years of Christian persecutions, other nationalities had an unfair advantage of going to heaven. Surely God wanted more Irishmen up there with him. So, as a spiritual 'affirmative action program' aimed at an ethically diverse heaven; the 'White Martyrdom' program recognized that it’s hard to die for one’s faith if no one will kill you. Instead, one could abandon civilization, go off to some wilderness, practice the common religious extremities, and enjoy a full martyrdom state without the blood or death. Sensing the bargain, Irish everywhere began searching for harsh, uninhabitable places and building communities there. I should state here that it is completely untrue that New York and Chicago were founded this way.
This chapter of Denise's ancestors has the chance meeting of two people who never knew they were related. To understand this meeting, one must partake in a little Irish history. We must go to the seventh century where a young Bishop, who REALLY didn't like snakes, waited in a vestibule from the Vatican for permission for his proposed trip back to the island that enslaved him years before. Finally the answer came to Patrick, still in the vestibule but now twenty years older, that he could go. (These things take time.) Many of you know this story. In a few years, not only was Patrick’s mission accomplished, (killing all the snakes), but the Irish people converted as well.
Not long afterwards, the Vatican wished they had stayed pagan. You see, even though the church grew, abbeys were formed, and priests were consecrated, swelling the number of followers under its power, two traits of the Irish clergy began to emerge. First, the Irish took to writing in Latin with passion and a brogue. Very quickly papers on church doctrine flowed southeast at alarming rates, making monasteries around the world wondering if the printing press had been invented early. But more damaging, the Irish tended to make things up.
Of course, Rome had dealt with heresies before, but the stuff coming from the Irish had a certain charm, making theologians wish they had come up with it themselves. Besides that, they couldn't match the volume of myths and superstitions enough to call them out, such as the doctrine of "White Martyrdom", (a concept that sounds suspiciously like Leo the Comic's situation.)
The idea went like this. Since Ireland was outside of the Roman Empire during the 300 years of Christian persecutions, other nationalities had an unfair advantage of going to heaven. Surely God wanted more Irishmen up there with him. So, as a spiritual 'affirmative action program' aimed at an ethically diverse heaven; the 'White Martyrdom' program recognized that it’s hard to die for one’s faith if no one will kill you. Instead, one could abandon civilization, go off to some wilderness, practice the common religious extremities, and enjoy a full martyrdom state without the blood or death. Sensing the bargain, Irish everywhere began searching for harsh, uninhabitable places and building communities there. I should state here that it is completely untrue that New York and Chicago were founded this way.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Denise Unland's Alternate Geneology, Part 5
By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara.
Then came the day at the coliseum when Leo was to be fed to the lions. In the stands, a man known only as The Donald, who once controlled all the coliseum betting in the Roman empire and had just sold half his business to the Roman government.
The Donald loved to gamble, but hated to leave things to chance, and had good reason to be confident that no matter how many Christians the lions ate, he would make money. What he didn't count on was the worst relapse in history.
Modern 12 step programs that tell you; 'every slip has a start'. For Leo it was small wager he placed while being dragged to his trial. "Five on the Lions" he called. But though the shouting the bookie herd ' five on Leo' and so the bet was booked.
Now, after six years of no red meat, no salt, only healthy rabbits food, Leo saw the hungry lions and saw only red meat. The carnage that occurred broke the bookies, angered animal activists, and devastated Leo’s low calorie, low sodium diet. Lions ran in terror as Leo tore limbs to gorge on the red meat. Donald wasn't concerned about the bets on Leo because of the spread. If a better took the lions, he had to spot sixteen Christians.
Donald knew the lions were never fed more then ten. After ten Christians, the lions wouldn't be hungry. How would it look to the coliseum goers if the lions wouldn't eat their daily Christians? On the others side, a better on Christians had to spot two lions. Surely Leo would stop eating after one. The Donald had no idea what it’s like eating lettuce for six years. In a public display of morbid gluttony, Leo didn't stop eating till the last lion in Greece was consumed.
After this, Donald was still smiling. You see, he had sold half his bookie operations to the Roman Government. Now they would find out which half that got! (Collection, Donald/ Payouts, Rome) Some say that this debt caused the fall of Rome. For his additional offence of animal cruelty, Leo was banished for the Roman Empire and so his story ends in the Latin Chronicles without a word of where he went.
Consider where Leo could have gone after banishment. Would he have gone to southern Africa? After eating as many lions, I would think that Leo would avoid that temptation, don't you? Is not it more likely that he would have gone as far from lions as he could get...as in north....as in north but not within the Roman Empire. I think you get my point.
For more informatoin on Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, visit www.bryonyseries.com
Then came the day at the coliseum when Leo was to be fed to the lions. In the stands, a man known only as The Donald, who once controlled all the coliseum betting in the Roman empire and had just sold half his business to the Roman government.
The Donald loved to gamble, but hated to leave things to chance, and had good reason to be confident that no matter how many Christians the lions ate, he would make money. What he didn't count on was the worst relapse in history.
Modern 12 step programs that tell you; 'every slip has a start'. For Leo it was small wager he placed while being dragged to his trial. "Five on the Lions" he called. But though the shouting the bookie herd ' five on Leo' and so the bet was booked.
Now, after six years of no red meat, no salt, only healthy rabbits food, Leo saw the hungry lions and saw only red meat. The carnage that occurred broke the bookies, angered animal activists, and devastated Leo’s low calorie, low sodium diet. Lions ran in terror as Leo tore limbs to gorge on the red meat. Donald wasn't concerned about the bets on Leo because of the spread. If a better took the lions, he had to spot sixteen Christians.
Donald knew the lions were never fed more then ten. After ten Christians, the lions wouldn't be hungry. How would it look to the coliseum goers if the lions wouldn't eat their daily Christians? On the others side, a better on Christians had to spot two lions. Surely Leo would stop eating after one. The Donald had no idea what it’s like eating lettuce for six years. In a public display of morbid gluttony, Leo didn't stop eating till the last lion in Greece was consumed.
After this, Donald was still smiling. You see, he had sold half his bookie operations to the Roman Government. Now they would find out which half that got! (Collection, Donald/ Payouts, Rome) Some say that this debt caused the fall of Rome. For his additional offence of animal cruelty, Leo was banished for the Roman Empire and so his story ends in the Latin Chronicles without a word of where he went.
Consider where Leo could have gone after banishment. Would he have gone to southern Africa? After eating as many lions, I would think that Leo would avoid that temptation, don't you? Is not it more likely that he would have gone as far from lions as he could get...as in north....as in north but not within the Roman Empire. I think you get my point.
For more informatoin on Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, visit www.bryonyseries.com
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Denise Unland's Alternate Geneology Part 4
By now, a life of compulsion had taken its toll. Already very over weight, hopelessly in debt, over thirty, and unable to find any really good comic books; how much did Leo really have to lose? Nero had already died and with each new emperor, the Christian persecutions had expanded. Each day the coliseum’s scratch sheet listed the deaths of Christian inmates as a 'sure bet'. Why couldn't he get in on that?
The next day, Leo stood in the center of the town square and proclaimed himself a Christian. The towns folk, doubled over with laughter. Leo insisted, revealing the cross he wore under is tunic around his neck. They laughed even harder, tossed coins in his direction, and swore that this comic prop was even better then the donut stained scratch sheet he once produces when he did that bit about being 'addicted'. The more he insisted, the harder they laughed, catapulting his comedian career while doming his ambitions as a martyr.
In the days that followed, Leo's professing being Christian began to competing with coliseum attendance, creating an ancient version of late night TV wars. No matter what he tried, Leo's proclamations of Christianity were the most outrageous jokes to grace the streets. Not helpful was Leo's new addiction. No longer able to afford comic books, Leo discovered that the images in temples were far more entertaining and enjoyable than kneeing on rice. Perhaps the best joke passed around was him claiming he only went to temples for the art! Even his habit of wearing a white tunic with a red cross only got him the called "The Comic Crusader". (I wonder if Leo invited the T Shirt.) After years of this, Leo realized he would never make martyrdom.
Finally, Leo, now morbidly obese and spiritually devastated, gave in to the priest and converted to Hinduism which required a diet of only vegetable. Perhaps it was the change of diet, but Leo's addictive personality began to withdraw. Not only did he avoid bakeries, and kneeing on rice, but he stopped proclaiming, which destroyed his career as a comedian. In addition, he lost a lot of weight which didn't escape the local military. It occurred to the authorities that Leo was fasting, and probably kneeing on rice in secret. The authorities, who never really enjoyed humor, realized it first. Leo was a Christian!
Crowds gathered at his home when he was arrested, convinced that this was a comic stunt that the government was in on. They roared, rolled, and choked with laughter as Leo loudly protested that he was no longer Christian.
The next day, Leo stood in the center of the town square and proclaimed himself a Christian. The towns folk, doubled over with laughter. Leo insisted, revealing the cross he wore under is tunic around his neck. They laughed even harder, tossed coins in his direction, and swore that this comic prop was even better then the donut stained scratch sheet he once produces when he did that bit about being 'addicted'. The more he insisted, the harder they laughed, catapulting his comedian career while doming his ambitions as a martyr.
In the days that followed, Leo's professing being Christian began to competing with coliseum attendance, creating an ancient version of late night TV wars. No matter what he tried, Leo's proclamations of Christianity were the most outrageous jokes to grace the streets. Not helpful was Leo's new addiction. No longer able to afford comic books, Leo discovered that the images in temples were far more entertaining and enjoyable than kneeing on rice. Perhaps the best joke passed around was him claiming he only went to temples for the art! Even his habit of wearing a white tunic with a red cross only got him the called "The Comic Crusader". (I wonder if Leo invited the T Shirt.) After years of this, Leo realized he would never make martyrdom.
Finally, Leo, now morbidly obese and spiritually devastated, gave in to the priest and converted to Hinduism which required a diet of only vegetable. Perhaps it was the change of diet, but Leo's addictive personality began to withdraw. Not only did he avoid bakeries, and kneeing on rice, but he stopped proclaiming, which destroyed his career as a comedian. In addition, he lost a lot of weight which didn't escape the local military. It occurred to the authorities that Leo was fasting, and probably kneeing on rice in secret. The authorities, who never really enjoyed humor, realized it first. Leo was a Christian!
Crowds gathered at his home when he was arrested, convinced that this was a comic stunt that the government was in on. They roared, rolled, and choked with laughter as Leo loudly protested that he was no longer Christian.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Denise Unland's Alternate Geneology Part 3
By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara
Leo the Comic lived somewhere in Greece during the first century and was likely the first Christian in Denise's blood line. However, he wasn't very successful as a Christian after being told many times that the only way he'd get to heaven was martyrdom. It seems that although Leo was kind hearted, he was very weak willed.
By the age of ten, he was begging in front of bakeries for the funds to eat the delicacies inside. People thought this hysterical and dropped coins in his cup to pay for the laugh. Later, comic book shops added to his obsessions, as did his value as comic relief. Worse for Leo, the Greco-Roman community was in denial about Leo's condition, believing, despite the evidence, that Leo was just acting out for a laugh.
By the age of twenty, Leo knew that his life was running afoul. The comic books and donuts were killing him. Worse of all, the city loved him, thinking his compulsive behavior made him the best humorist that Greece had ever known. Back then, there were no 12 step progams to help him, so Leo turned to the newly outlawed religion.
The small Christian community did their best to save poor Leo. In the Eastern early Church, it was well know not to be in line behind Leo at the confessional. Deeply worried for Leo's soul, the local priest decided to use tough love to purge the addictions. He commanded Leo to spend one day kneeing on rice in the underground church for every donut he ate and comic book he purchased.
After six years of kneeing, Leo's behavior started to change. When Leo failed to show up at any bakeries or comic book shops as the secret Christian spies had reported, the priest was ready to claim Leo sin free. Instead, it came out that Leo kicked the donut habit by stuffing himself with the rice, and that he could no longer afford rising cost of comic books. Defeated, the priest suggested Leo try a different religion. That's when Leo decided to take martyrdom seriously.
Leo the Comic lived somewhere in Greece during the first century and was likely the first Christian in Denise's blood line. However, he wasn't very successful as a Christian after being told many times that the only way he'd get to heaven was martyrdom. It seems that although Leo was kind hearted, he was very weak willed.
By the age of ten, he was begging in front of bakeries for the funds to eat the delicacies inside. People thought this hysterical and dropped coins in his cup to pay for the laugh. Later, comic book shops added to his obsessions, as did his value as comic relief. Worse for Leo, the Greco-Roman community was in denial about Leo's condition, believing, despite the evidence, that Leo was just acting out for a laugh.
By the age of twenty, Leo knew that his life was running afoul. The comic books and donuts were killing him. Worse of all, the city loved him, thinking his compulsive behavior made him the best humorist that Greece had ever known. Back then, there were no 12 step progams to help him, so Leo turned to the newly outlawed religion.
The small Christian community did their best to save poor Leo. In the Eastern early Church, it was well know not to be in line behind Leo at the confessional. Deeply worried for Leo's soul, the local priest decided to use tough love to purge the addictions. He commanded Leo to spend one day kneeing on rice in the underground church for every donut he ate and comic book he purchased.
After six years of kneeing, Leo's behavior started to change. When Leo failed to show up at any bakeries or comic book shops as the secret Christian spies had reported, the priest was ready to claim Leo sin free. Instead, it came out that Leo kicked the donut habit by stuffing himself with the rice, and that he could no longer afford rising cost of comic books. Defeated, the priest suggested Leo try a different religion. That's when Leo decided to take martyrdom seriously.
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