BryonySeries Irish Books and Ribbits at The Book Market

Be sure to pop into The Book Market in Crest Hill soon and check out the BryonySeries Irish vampire display.

We've curated seven books perfect for young adults and adults that are connected to Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, author and Irish vampire for the BryonySeries. (Ed may also be a member of the Irish Vampire Association, but the IVA is a secret association. Not even the members know who's a member).

Ed authored four of the books in our display, and he appears in all seven of the books.

Plus, we also have special prices on Cindy's Irish-themed Ribbit-Ribbits when paired with BryonySeries book purchases (while supplies last) - and a very special "pot of gold." See Janet Staley, owner of The Book Market for details and pricing.

Here's a peek at the books:

Denise M. Baran-Unland's Irish Genealogy, by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: I'm not Irish. And this series of short, humorous essays by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, do not chronicle any part of my real genealogy. But they make for amusing reading.

Ruthless, by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: Ed Calkins is bleeding to death and has seven seconds to create a son for a couple with the help of two others, who both live in his imaginary version of ancient Ireland and ruthlessly battle myth and his unruly imagination while time traveling.

The Fifth, by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: Vampires in Munsonville elude the control of both the living and the dead. And five particular vampires cause most of the trouble - while five living beings are working to keep Beulah County safe. Can these five living players bring law and order to the undead world? Or will vampires consume the blood of every living creature till there are no more?

Recovering Ruthless, by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: What will it take for an alcoholic to quit drinking, a compulsive gambler to quit betting, a vampire to quit biting, a farm to reemerge, a leprechaun to stay married, and an ancient order to reestablish? This is the story of a ruthless recovery.

Bryony, by Denise M. Barab-Unland: Grief-stricken after a terrible loss, Melissa and her family move to a remote fishing village to start a new life. Little does she realize that the dreams she's having are far more sinister - and have repercussions far beyond those dreams.

Visage, by Denise M. Baran-Unland: While grieving the abrupt end of her blood bargain with 19th century pianist John Simons, 18-year-old Melissa flings herself into a relationship with a college music professor, a man with a shady reputation and an uncanny resemblance to John.

Staked!, by Denise M. Baran-Unland: A teen music prodigy lives in a remote fishing village, works for a newspaper delivery uncle and a funeral director stepfather, has a princess in his mirror, and his father was staked by his best friend’s father. That's the old normal.

Maybe one of these books is right for you?

And for an extra bit of Irish luck Ed Calkins-style, consider pairing the book with a ribbit - or maybe even the entire pot of gold.

Happy Tuesday!

Traditional Irish singing - 980466

The Irish Rovers - The Orange and the Green - Sung by the late, great Jimmy Ferguson

Six Irish Sayings to Promote Thankfulness

Has the memory of Thanksgiving Day faded with the turkey and dressing leftovers and the long holiday shopping lists?

Or are you still counting blessings and basking in gratitude?

Maybe you're somewhere in between, grateful but busy and preoocupied?

Regardless of your place in the thankfulness chain, here are six Irish sayings to help increase feelings of appreciation in your own life. Maybe one (or more) will resonate with you.

"It's easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song. But the man worthwhile is the one who can smile when everything goes dead wrong."

"Praise the good day at the close of it."

"A kind word never broke anyone's mouth."

"Get on your knees and thank the Lord you're on your feet."

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."

"May the blessing of each day be the blessing you need most."

Have a great day!

Irish Blessing - May the Road Rise Up to Meet You

Mystic Ireland: Art by Alice McMahon White

Bells Over Belfast

Ed Calkins (Finally) Checks In

Dear MOMI,

It’s important, I think, that I check in from time to time even though I have nothing new that’s ready to be said. That epic limerick I promised has gotten so weird I’m not sure I can finish it, but I will continue to try.

                

Instead I hope to clarify claims I’ve made in the past less naysayers have at me, as my ability to respond in damning verse has been compromised by malicious muses.

               

A while ago, I made the claim that Con Don Won had fought the most one-sided battle in history owning to that fact that there was only one side and still he lost nearly every man under his command, a slight he tried rectify when he ordered the survivors executed. However a historian not interested in body counts and less careful of getting the facts might point to Caligula’s conquest of English.  

As legend has it, Caligula promised to defeat the England, marched from Rome to the shores of the English Sea, and then ordered his men to strip naked before cutting down the reeds at its beaches to "prove his victory."

                

I feel guilty about that legend from time to time. Caligula was actually a more rational ruthless dictator then history remembers. The Latin limerick made an example out of Caligula and my ghost writers had great fun at his expense. It didn’t keep Rome out of England one hundred years later, but hey, who really cares about England. 

The Emperors that followed all got the message as did everyone that read the Denise’s book of how ruthless Ed Calkins can be (Editor's note: Gotta write that book one day) even if you haven’t wronged him. But Ireland is just one island west of his target and I had to draw a hard line.

                

Later, the theory that Caligula’s troops refused in mass to board the transports better explained the order to cut down reeds naked. This was punishment in the form of humiliation that typified Caligula’s reign, but it lacked the staying power of a limerick.

                

Another thing I should explain, though I thought if obvious at the time I wrote it, is the connection between the suffering of sea sickness and the need for newspapers. You might recall that in my story of Genoa Good (later known as Noah) I pointed out the natural choke point for genealogy and claimed to have read the route list for every known survivor of the great flood.

               

There are three reasons why sea sickness craves newspapers. The first has nothing to do with content. Nothing absorbs vomit quite as well. Secondly, if your suffering sea sickness you find yourself pouring over the weather section seeking hope. And if you find none there, the obituary columns might inspire.

                

Hopeful, my next post will be shorter of time and longer of content, humor, and wisdom.

                                                                                                                

Ruthlessly yours,

                                                                                                     

You Know Who 

(Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, in case you really did not know)

Steward Setback Saturday: Expand Your Cache of Ed Calkinsisms...

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Expand Your Cache of Ed Calkinsisms...

...by memorizing - and then entertaining - your family and friends with these:

http://www.irishabroad.com/Culture/proverbs/

Irish Rovers, The Titanic

Steward Setback Saturday: Getting Prepped for Calkins Day: One Striped Shirt, Check

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Getting Prepped for Calkins Day: One Striped Shirt, Check

“Of course, the highlight of the year is the Calkins Day parade on February thirteenth, my birthday. In fact, I have a petition circulating to make February twelfth through the fourteenth a three-day national holiday. Would you care to sign it?” (Bryony, Chapter 22, Lisa Harding)

As she walked in his direction to join him, Melissa saw a pot-bellied, bespectacled, gray-haired man wearing blue jeans and a white and red-striped shirt. He was pushing a pallet jack full of newspapers toward the table where John-Peter sat. Ed Calkins! The Steward of Tara! (Visage, Chapter 23: No Holds Barred)

Ed approached the next carrier. “Would you care to sign my petition? You see, my birthday falls between Lincoln’s birthday and Valentine’s Day, so I believe it should be a national holiday, complete with a parade.”(Visage, Chapter 23: No Holds Barred)

No new carrier slipped through the ranks without at least one request to sign Ed Calkins’ petition. Ed’s birthday fell between Abraham Lincoln’s birthday and Valentine’s Day, a fact significant enough, Ed felt, to warrant a three-day national holiday.

“The time will come when everyone around the world will eagerly anticipate the Ed Calkins Day parade,” Ed always said, beaming, as he pressed both paper and pen into the hesitant carrier’s hands.

In the meantime, Ed himself offered the joys and excitement of his parade to the elite crowd fortunate enough to deliver newspapers in the middle of the night from the Jenson warehouse. 

For as long as John-Peter could remember, he celebrated each February thirteen watching a carrier pull Uncle Ed through the building on the pallet jack, one John-Peter had decorated with green streamers and balloons for the occasion, while an exuberant Ed waved to his constituents with one hand and tossed bite-sized, wrapped pieces of candies from the other one toward the work stations.

("Staked!" Chapter 4: Midnight Apprentice)

Ah, Ed Calkins. What would this character be like without his famous petition and delusion that February 13 should be a national holiday? And yet, what better way to celebrate fiction in general and the BryonySeries in particular, than with a nonexistent holiday?

Sooooooo, in preparation for February 13, Ed Calkins Day, I've begun collecting items I will need for a modest parade Calkins Day parade of one (me).

And here we go!

Ed Calkins: Ruthless Distractions

Dear MOMI,

No doubt you've noticed that my correspondence has been scarce. I'm sure you can understand what happens to me this time of year as I transition for a ruthless Irish vampire to that merry big elf. You'll have to imagine it because I can't.

Typically, I decide to be either ruthlessly jolly or merrily ruthless, and I get completely distracted trying to decide what that means. The reverse transition is more immediate as somebody corrects my introduction some time after Christmas. ('No you're a jolly big oaf.')

This year, I have a different distraction. One who reads the news, (Does anyone do that anymore?), might think that I'm frustrated by all the incompetent ruthless dictators leading many failed countries but, nevertheless, getting the "ruthless" part completely wrong. 

Insulting your opposition is quintessential but repeating the same insults on an endless continuum promotes the notion that no victory was achieved. I don't want to mention names so I'll use myself as a positive example. 

People fear me because I might think badly of them, so they pretty much do as I "suggest," but if I insulted everyone all the time, say on some social media device, with composition that lack aesthetic value, I might get the label of "ruthlessly idiotic" and generate no fear at all.

(Sigh) 

It's so hard to mentor would be ruthless dictators. They tend to be so sensitive especially when marriage is involved, and I have to play marriage counselor...

My point is slipping away from me, so I'll tell you more while concealing the identity of the couple at a latter time.

My distraction at this particular time is China. I recently realized that I know almost nothing about its people, history, and culture. If I wasn't a ruthless dictator, I might conclude that problem is my own ignorance resolvable by studious study. But as I am a ruthless dictator, I can only conclude that the China has been hiding from me.

Still, let's look at some clues and start with a map. 

Eureka! 

The first deviant distraction comes to play. 

On a 12 x 8 world map, China looks small, like a tiny scoop of ice cream out of the banana split bowl that is Asia. A globe tells a different story.

                        ...........to be continued........wife is calling...........

Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

Irish Vampire Facts (or reposting from 2011)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Irish Vampire Facts

There really aren't any.

True, Sheridan Le Fanu (Carmilla) and Bram Stoker (Dracula) were both Irish. There is also the Gaelic Dearg-Due, always female, that rises from the grave at night to drain the blood (some say life force) of men, but to kill them, not for a meal.

That's about it.

Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, is not only creating legend for himself, he is establishing Ireland's first vampire lore.

Is this worthy of a national parade? You decide.

Dave Allen - Young Men Turning 18

Belzébuth - Cul-de-Sac (Tin Whistle Cover)

Dave Allen - religious jokes

Irish People Taste American Sodas

Celtic Music - Sleeping Dreams And Fantasies Mix

Irish Piano Music

Having So Much Fun in Seventeenth Century Germany...

...that I forgot to post a blog today.

So since Saturdays are dedicated to Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, and all things Irish, I'll say just this:

“Cha d’dhuin doras nach d’fhosgail doras.”

Now back to pretend while the muse is hot.