Ed Calkins: China

Dear MOMI,

China is huge! 

Known as the most populated nations, its the fourth biggest in area. What are they doing with all that space? 

One might say they need that space for all their people, but I say that's exactly what they want us to think. Consider that almost every major city in the world has a 'China Town' inhabited by Chinese. If the Chinese are in the middle of every place in the world, what do they need a country for? And in those cities, you can walk in to any store and buy anything. Where is it made. China! Buy something in China town however and its made 'here' (where ever here is). It's like their mailing their stuff before they move one by one to every city's 'China town' till town becomes city, city becomes metropolis, and metropolis becomes nation. This all begs the question, 'Are there any Chinese left in China?'.

I have a theory. What if the Chinese aren't the sneaky ones and just think they own China? Who would really know if the middle of China was one big 'China Town' and the rest of the nation was owned and controlled by some really sneaky people that secretly convinced the people of everywhere else to drink tea and wear fabric excreted from worms? If the Chinese don't live in China, who is sneaky enough to?

Based on past data, don't rule out the second most populated nation of the word, India. Consider that while other nations have their own sea, only India has its own ocean. Also let's not forget the biggest scam every played on the nations of the world. Did the habit of calling Native Americas 'Indians' really result for that Italian sailor's mistaken short cut or did the real Indians bribe them into introducing themselves as 'Indian' to the rest of the world?  

Regardless, we now have to made the distinction be calling the real Indians 'Eastern Indians', setting up the claim that if there are "Eastern Indians" there must be an Eastern India, which by our own admission must mean that "Western India" is somewhere in the implied direction where casinos and other cash claiming places (7/11, donut shops, etc. etc.) are just the western divisions of the calling centers trying to fix your computer, your trouble with the IRS, or your standing with the FBI. Very sneaky!

Be warned fake Chinese, I am watching you,

Merrily and ruthlessly yours,

                                                                                                                 

Either Ed Clausins or Santa Claws

(i.e. Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara)

Ed Calkins: Ruthless Distractions

Dear MOMI,

No doubt you've noticed that my correspondence has been scarce. I'm sure you can understand what happens to me this time of year as I transition for a ruthless Irish vampire to that merry big elf. You'll have to imagine it because I can't.

Typically, I decide to be either ruthlessly jolly or merrily ruthless, and I get completely distracted trying to decide what that means. The reverse transition is more immediate as somebody corrects my introduction some time after Christmas. ('No you're a jolly big oaf.')

This year, I have a different distraction. One who reads the news, (Does anyone do that anymore?), might think that I'm frustrated by all the incompetent ruthless dictators leading many failed countries but, nevertheless, getting the "ruthless" part completely wrong. 

Insulting your opposition is quintessential but repeating the same insults on an endless continuum promotes the notion that no victory was achieved. I don't want to mention names so I'll use myself as a positive example. 

People fear me because I might think badly of them, so they pretty much do as I "suggest," but if I insulted everyone all the time, say on some social media device, with composition that lack aesthetic value, I might get the label of "ruthlessly idiotic" and generate no fear at all.

(Sigh) 

It's so hard to mentor would be ruthless dictators. They tend to be so sensitive especially when marriage is involved, and I have to play marriage counselor...

My point is slipping away from me, so I'll tell you more while concealing the identity of the couple at a latter time.

My distraction at this particular time is China. I recently realized that I know almost nothing about its people, history, and culture. If I wasn't a ruthless dictator, I might conclude that problem is my own ignorance resolvable by studious study. But as I am a ruthless dictator, I can only conclude that the China has been hiding from me.

Still, let's look at some clues and start with a map. 

Eureka! 

The first deviant distraction comes to play. 

On a 12 x 8 world map, China looks small, like a tiny scoop of ice cream out of the banana split bowl that is Asia. A globe tells a different story.

                        ...........to be continued........wife is calling...........

Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara