Lately, I've been sifting through the drafts folder of this blog, looking at posts partly begun or, more the case, studying titles that are nothing more than titles and wondering about my intent.
This is one I titled on Oct. 14, 2010. And the other day, I stumbled upon this Bible verse:
"Though the fig
tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive
fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there
be no herd in the stalls, yet I will
rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation." Habakkuk
3:17-18
I can't say exactly what I intended to write that day. But I can certainly guess...and perhaps guess why this post was never written.
In August of that month, I had my eighth surgery (I've had six C/sections, one adrenalectomy, and the eighth to repair damage from the other seven). Recovery was fine for a couple weeks and then I had a HUGE flareup of hives (I've had chronic hives since 2002).
It sounds simple, but it wasn't. First of all, it's a chronic immune disorder, and I can't describe how awful the combinations of chemicals being released in one's body feels. I remember a nurse at one point taking my blood pressure and backing off a bit, because she could "feel" them.
A couple different medications were added to the regime. My body reacted pretty badly to them, and they didn't help the hives. Right around Oct. 14, could even have been Oct. 14, in the late afternoon, my doctor decided to hospitalize me.
I called my husband to tell him, and he said he was just going to call me. He had lost his job. And he wasn't laid off.
His job was half our income. And our insurance would be gone in two weeks. We had two weeks to figure out my health issue (which took another two months). He never did get another job; and we eventually lost the house his parents had built.
We've done a lot of rebuilding since then.
But during that time, when our fig tree didn't blossom, and we didn't have fruit on our vines, and the produce of everything we had built on that property (including the places we remodeled and added to accommodate a youth group we ran for four years) stopped yielding, and our fields (and sometimes our cupboards and refrigerator) had little food, and we were cut off from our folds, and our herd of cats went to live in a small apartment, we never NOT rejoiced in the Lord.
Some days, rejoicing in the Lord was all we had to rejoice in.
We...I...didn't think about it that way at the time. It was a dark time. I remember telling one son how good God was to prepare us for death by giving us little deaths and losses along the way...
But seeing this verse brought that time to my attention in a particular way. Even when everything (and everyone) else fails us, we can still in the Lord, we can take joy in the God of our salvation.
That is the upside of a crisis.
