Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, Receives a Birthday Limerick

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, BryonySeries author and Irish vampire character, reads the birthday limerick WriteOn Joliet member Recapper Jenny presented to Ed on Calkins Day (Feb. 13) 2026 at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

Save the Date: Calkins Day 2026

Calkins Day (Feb. 13) is the BryonySeries' official holiday. It's a day to celebrate laughter, imagination, generosity, and the birthday of Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: man, myth, and author.

And we are inviting you to that celebration from 6 to 8:30 p.m. at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

The drop-in celebration will include free food, a chance to win an original acrylic waterscape painted by Ed’s wife Nancy Calkins (an accomplished artist and retired art teacher), and the opportunity to purchase books authored by Ed and books in which Ed appears as a character.

One of those books will include “Recovering Ruthless,” the third book in the outrageous, literary nonsense BryonySeries Ruthless series, all authored by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara.

The first book is simply called “Ruthless.” The second book is titled “The Fifth.”

Ed also wrote my Irish genealogy. (I’m not Irish).

Ed also appears as himself (as in himself, a ruthless dictator, and an Irish vampire) in “Bryony,” “Visage,” and “Staked!”

Who is Ed Calkins? Here is a twenty-question interview withthe real Ed Calkins, here is my Calkins Day address from 2020, and here is Ed’s Calkins Day message from 2018.

Here is why we celebrate Calkins Day.

Here is how to celebrate Calkins Day in our "Guide to Becoming Un-Serious."

I must also add that Ed is very dyslexic, which makes writing more challenging for him than many other writers. But he not only works through the challenge, he’s made dyslexia a key part of the plot in his Ruthless trilogy in ways that has nothing to do with reading or writing.

You also might want to listen to this podcast.

And if you follow those links, you might find yourself almost prepared to celebrate Calkins Day at The Book Market on Feb. 13.

But if you really want to impress the Steward of Tara (also known as Your Ruthlessness), come prepared to recite a limerick about him as WriteOn Joliet member Mauverneen Blevins did in 2023.

Or memorize “Birches” by Robert Frost and recite it to him.

And then watch the magic unfold.

Happy Saturday!

New "Ruthless" Book in Progress

So Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, is working very hard on a new book in his Ruthless series.

In Ed's true literary nonsense style, the book will include himself (in Irish vampire and Ruthless dictator format), an eclectic cast of BryonySeries characters (his and mine), and a focus on the Templar Knights, COVID-19, and Kellen Wechsler.

Ed's publication goal is Calkkins Day 2027 (for the unenlightened Calkins Day is celebrated with great festivity from 6 to 8:30 p.m. each February 13 at The Book Market in Crest Hill. Yes, you are invited. Stay posted for details!).

Ed has an idea for a title, which I won't share now because he's not certain he's keeping it.

I will share his working table of contents, which clarifies nothing.

But hopefully you are intrigued.

Happy Saturday!

Table of Contents

Kingdom of the Damned

              First Forward: On Human Sacrifice

1 The King of Cows

2 Tangles and Timelines

3 Time to Talk Templar

4 Shoes of the Fishers

5 A Very Cold Case

6 The Ghost of Almost

7 Trigger Treat

7.5 Retraction of Chapter 7

8 The Internet Never Lies

9 Love, Lose, and the Tourist Industry

Covid Finds Munsonville

              Second Forward; Covid Compliance

              10 On Wearing Clean Socks

              11 Hero’s Forest

              12 The Land of a Hundred Kings

              13 The Privilege of Service

              14 Demise of the Mad King Part I: Dear Me

              15 Demise of the Mad King Part2; Nun Shall Pass

Romance, Sex, and Other Trash

              16 What Must Never Be Told

              17 The Bridegroom Wished He Knew

              18 What Happened to Two Aging Virgins

19 What Boys Do in the Shower

The Children’s Crusade

              20 Show and Tell

              21 The Whereabouts of the Mad King

              22 Direct Orders

 

Calkins Day 2025 Recap in Photos

Calkins Day (Feb. 13) is the BryonySeries' official holiday. It's a day to celebrate laughter, imagination, generosity, and the birthday of Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: man, myth, and author.

And once again we celebrated at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

The drop-in celebration included free food (including pizza), a chance to win an original acrylic waterscape painted by Ed’s wife Nancy Calkins (an accomplished artist and retired art teacher), and the opportunity to purchase books authored by Ed and books in which Ed appears as a character.

One of those books included the recently released “Recovering Ruthless,” the third book in the outrageous, literary nonsense BryonySeries Ruthless series, all authored by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara.

The first book is simply called “Ruthless.” The second book is titled “The Fifth.”

Ed also wrote my Irish genealogy. (I’m not Irish).

Ed also appeared as himself (as in himself, a ruthless dictator, and an Irish vampire) in “Bryony,” “Visage,” and “Staked!”

Who is Ed Calkins? Here is a twenty-question interview withthe real Ed Calkins, here is my Calkins Day address from 2020, and here is Ed’s Calkins Day message from 2018.

Here is why we celebrate Calkins Day.

Here is how to celebrate Calkins Day in our "Guide to Becoming Un-Serious."

I must also add that Ed is very dyslexic, which makes writing more challenging for him than many other writers. But he not only works through the challenge, he’s made dyslexia a key part of the plot in his Ruthless trilogy in ways that has nothing to do with reading or writing.

You also might want to listen to this podcast.

But for now, scroll through some of the photos and relive the fun (if you attended) or enjoy a small glimpse of the fun you missed (be sure to put February 13, 2026, on you calendar now).

"God, Gabriel, and Golf" by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

A Very Unprepared Blog for Promoting Calkins Day this Feb. 13

Good morning!

Calkins Day on Feb. 13 is rapidly approaching.

Today's post was actually reserved for a video recording from Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, personally inviting you to attend the celebration.

I had intended to record said video at WriteOn Joliet's first meeting of the year in early January..but I was sick and Rebekah facilitated the meeting.

The second WriteOn meeting was on Zoom, and Ed couldn't make it. 

Fine, I thought. I 'll get the video on Feb. 6.

Well, that was WriteOn's thirteenth birthday...and I was short on energy due to dealing with another bout of diverticulitis on top of a full work week, coordinating a miniature celebration, etc.

So then I figured I'd schedule a quick Zoom call for Friday evening.

But last night turned into a busy work day with an unexpected assignment early evening, followed by two errands, followed by rapid disintegration of my energy and having no idea if Ed was delivering newspapers that night and was already sleeping.

I can't even post a photo of our Calkins Day display at The Book Market in Crest Hill (where the celebration will be held from 6 to 8:30 p.m. on Feb. 13) because I set it up last Saturday while rushing between appointments and working while sick this week used up all my time and pep.

And now it's this Saturday, and I'm cobbling together an excuse-laden blog post.

Now, I haven't abandoned the video idea. My hope is to still record one and post it next week, ideally before Calkins Day.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with links to OTHER posts, a promise to do better, and a way to really delight Ed should you decide to stop out (and probably leave the store with an armful of his books at no cost).

First the links.

This post tells you everything you need to know about Calkins Day 2025 and why you should even bother celebrating it.

This post tells about the free painting you can win that night.

Now here's the way to delight Ed, even more than the suggestions on the flyer below.

Tell Ed that only five things are important. (I can already hear him laughing). You may then read those five things directly from this blog or write them down or print them out.

Here are the five:

• Ed is the one and only Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara.
• Ed is very ruthless. He’ll hurt your feelings without a second thought. (Try not to be afraid).
• Newspaper delivery is important. On time. Every morning.
• Ed has many wives all over the place. But he can only sleep with the one that is his lover because of the pink machete rule (true story, ask him about that. Better yet, ask his primary wife Nancy, who will be in attendance).
• Ed is a time-traveling, dyslexic, psychotic, Irish vampire. (You might have guessed that already).

And if you want your greeting to be over the top, you should also share the one thing YOU should remember, it's this:

If Ed Calkins asks you to marry him, he might not ask again!

Will You Take This Painting Home on Calkins Day?

 As part of the BryonySeries Calkins Day (Feb. 13) celebration, we are giving away this 10-inch by 8-inch original acrylic painting, which Ed's wife Nancy Calkins painted for this occasion.

The painting has a retail value of $75, according to Nancy Calkins, who is an accomplished artist and retired art teacher.

Simply pop into The Book Market between Tuesday and Calkins Day, write your name on one of our sticky notes, and drop it into the BryonySeries container. We will draw the winner during the Calkins Day celebration.

Winner MUST be present to receive the painting. If the winner is not present, we will draw another name.

Calkins Day will be held from 6 to 8:30 p.m. at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

The drop-in celebration will include free food, a chance to win the original acrylic waterscape painted by Ed’s wife Nancy Calkins (an accomplished artist and retired art teacher), and the opportunity to purchase books authored by Ed and books in which Ed appears as a character.

For more information about Ed Calkins, including why we celebrate Calkins Day (and why you should, too) and how to celebrate Calkins Day, visit this post.

Happy Saturday!

"Recovering Ruthless" by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

We are happy to announce that copies of "Recovering Ruthless," the latest novel in the BryonySeries "Ruthless" trilogy by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, will be available for purchase on Calkins Day.

Calkins Day 2025 will be held from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Feb. 13 at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

If you are unfamiliar with Calkins Day (you shouldn't be) or if you need a refresher on this holiday, be sure you read this post, which will also familiarize you with Ed's other books and the books in which he appears as himself as a character.

Below is the synopsis for "Recovering Ruthless." If you're looking for an outrageous trilogy of literary nonsense (think Lewis Carroll for adults) that is also quite a bit of "heart" among its pages, the Ruthless series is for you.

Happy Saturday!

If you knew your future, would it help at all?

If you are a dyslexic vampire trying to recover your sanity or a hypnotized imp trying to recover humanity, then maybe not. Maybe clinging to ruthlessness is all that can be done.

Because time in Munsonville never really works the way it should.

Sheriff Matt and his deputy Marsha are reunited after more than a decade of mystical calendar misunderstanding. It will take all they have to maintain order.

What of the book on the Sheriff’ Matt’s desk? Although the novel was rewritten at some time in the future, the story will happen in the next two months.

What of the new girl – ten-year-old Beth – and her shoplifting ways?

And what will it take for an alcoholic to quit drinking, a compulsive gambler to quit betting, a vampire to quit biting, a farm to reemerge, a leprechaun to stay married, and an ancient order to reestablish?

This is the story of a ruthless recovery.

Save the Date: Calkins Day 2025

Calkins Day (Feb. 13) is the BryonySeries' official holiday. It's a day to celebrate laughter, imagination, generosity, and the birthday of Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: man, myth, and author.

And we are inviting you to that celebration from 6 to 8:30 p.m. at The Book Market in Crest Hill.

The drop-in celebration will include free food (including pizza), a chance to win an original acrylic waterscape painted by Ed’s wife Nancy Calkins (an accomplished artist and retired art teacher), and the opportunity to purchase books authored by Ed and books in which Ed appears as a character.

One of those books will include “Recovering Ruthless,” the third book in the outrageous, literary nonsense BryonySeries Ruthless series, all authored by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara.

The first book is simply called “Ruthless.” The second book is titled “The Fifth.”

Ed also wrote my Irish genealogy. (I’m not Irish).

Ed also appears as himself (as in himself, a ruthless dictator, and an Irish vampire) in “Bryony,” “Visage,” and “Staked!”

Who is Ed Calkins? Here is a twenty-question interview withthe real Ed Calkins, here is my Calkins Day address from 2020, and here is Ed’s Calkins Day message from 2018.

Here is why we celebrate Calkins Day.

Here is how to celebrate Calkins Day in our "Guide to Becoming Un-Serious."

I must also add that Ed is very dyslexic, which makes writing more challenging for him than many other writers. But he not only works through the challenge, he’s made dyslexia a key part of the plot in his Ruthless trilogy in ways that has nothing to do with reading or writing.

You also might want to listen to this podcast.

And if you follow those links, you might find yourself almost prepared to celebrate Calkins Day at The Book Market on Feb. 13.

But if you really want to impress the Steward of Tara (also known as Your Ruthlessness), come prepared to recite a limerick about him as WriteOn Joliet member Mauverneen Blevins did in 2023.

Or memorize “Birches” by Robert Frost and recite it to him.

And then watch the magic unfold.

Happy Saturday!

Excerpt from "Recovering Ruthless" by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

Now that "House on Top of the Hill" (the third book in the BryonySeries Limbo trilogy) is published, I'm working on the hard edits on "Recovering Ruthless," the third book in the BryonySeries Ruthless series by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara.

The goal, of course, is publication before Calkins Day 2025, so with the holidays and all, I will definitely be busy.

Here is part of the third chapter, which references familiar characters (for the one or two out there who's read my books). 

Just keep in mind that Ed - as a character and an author - is unreliable and lives completely in his imagination.

Or as Ed said in "Staked!": "I, like all creators of mythology, can’t stress out over what actually happened when I can control what I imagined happened.”

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 3: FRAUDULENT

It was/is/will be on the last day of Tara, the worst Christmas in Beulah County, or page 439 in the BryonySeries novel “Staked!”

But all of that was subject to perception.

 

              Fists pummeled his brain. “John-Peter! You promised! Where are you? Come back! Come back! Come back!"

 

            He wrapped his fingers around the locket chain and mustered up the hardest words he ever had to say. “I’m not coming back, Karla!”

 

            For the last time, John-Peter reached up to slam a door, but his waist snapped in two. Pain faded. Karla’s lips met his. His stepfather, Kellen Wechsler, smiled as John Peter sold another burial plot. Karla and he broke into the basement of Eircheard’s pawn shop. “You’re not human,” Dr. Rothgard told him, and John-Peter held a knife at his neck. A newspaper flew out the van window while Uncle Ed’s undead life kept growing dim. Imaged Tara faded into a growing black hole. Soda bread. Dying.

 

Mother.

 

“I’m here, John Peter,” his mother answered sobbing. Her touch felt warm. Banshee wailed as nothingness comforted her hands on his cheeks.

 

John Simons is not your father. Grinning leprechauns. Piano music. Faries and enchanted mirrors.

 

Peace.

 

“Mrs. Wechsler, the chaplain wants a word with you.”

 

“Did he hear me before he died?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure he did.”

 

Blackness. Final peace.

 

It didn’t last long.

 

Bright lights were too intense to see anything, but he could hear.

 

“Error, error,” a mechanical soothing voice informed him. “Please remain calm. System aborting. Linkage lost with interface. Distress call initiated. Would you like to see our special deals while you're waiting? Unable to connect with internet. Ejecting. Please seek immediate psychiatric care. Thank you for using ‘We-Live-Yellow Electronic Womb. Merry Christmas and have a happy eighteenth birthday.”

 

John Peter felt himself flung into the air, past the tree line into the clouds. Open air felt deliciously cool on his skin. The thing is…he never landed.

 

All at once, he was in a large comfortable bedroom, sitting at a small wooden desk. A mirror hung on the wall he was facing, but the image in it wasn’t anyone he knew. A polite knock on the door didn’t give him a chance to take it all in. It opened before he answered.

 

The attractive blond girl was carrying a musket.

 

“Judge Arkins will not be seeing you today as he is busy with other cases,” she informed him in a neutral voice. “His Ruthlessness will see you now and decide what actions to take concerning your case. Follow me.”

 

Something was different about her. She wasn’t from modern times, but he couldn’t place who or what…

 

“Are you quite done gawking? Move. Now.”

 

Her musket had a bayonet. On the march down a long hallway, he realized that the girl’s shoes feet were wider and flatter than they should be. She was Ireland’s interpretation of a mermaid called a merrow. He must still be in Uncle Ed’s imagination somehow. Didn’t he already kill him?

 

The merrow made the greeting an announcement before opening the large double doors.

 

“Steward, the prisoner awaits your mercy.”

 

Uncle Ed Calkins, also known as the Steward of Tara, sat on the far end of a long, narrow, empty dining table with only two chairs, including the one he was sitting in. He seemed as confused as John-Peter. The guard left in a rush, as if she feared what was about to happen.

 

Ed squinted despite his glasses.

 

“Henry?”

 

“John Peter,” John-Peter corrected. His own voice seemed as strange to him as it was unsure.

 

“Come. Sit close to me so I can see you better.”

 

The Steward made it seem like he had a choice. “If I didn’t have you to deny it, I’d swear you were Henry Matthews, but you say you’re John Peter. How? Oh, I remember now. Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be selling burial plots or throwing papers with me if you’re not at home or in school?”

 

John Peter answered with a frustrated wave of his hand. The motion felt unfamiliar. “Apparently, I’m a prisoner awaiting your mercy.”

 

              “Why? What did you do?” The Steward studied the incredulous look on John-Peter’s face. “Look, if you think I should know this or you’ve told me before, you were probably telling a later version of me. It seems I will become more incompetent as I become more experienced. I was called by what will be me to solve what will be a problem and you are just an interruption. So tell me again, what did you do?”

 

              “I thought I killed you.

 

“Ah that. Page 434. I’m pretty sure you think you conspired with some of my slave poets to shoot an arrow through my back during a limerick competition. Is that what will happen?”

 

“Please tell me this isn’t my afterlife.”

 

              “It’s not. You’re not done with your first. And sorry, but ‘I thought I killed you’ isn’t going to cut it with the judge here. If you’re going to go with that, you need to sound a lot more definite. I know Judge Arkins, and he’s a stickler for positive proof. He’ll dismiss your case before you have a chance to claim that you had a hand in it.”

 

              John Petter shook his head. “Why would I prove that I did kill you? Wouldn’t I try to prove that I didn’t?”

 

              “You didn’t. That’s the problem.”

 

              “Then, I’m free to go and we can end this pointless discussion?”

 

              Ed Calkins sighed heavily,

 

              “Let’s not do this on an empty stomach,” he told the young man and then called out. “Good merrow, we are ready to order.

 

              A different merrow rushed forward. She was as beautiful as the first but dressed in a Sue’s Diner uniform. She had no musket but held a pad and quill pen.

 

              “Goblet of blood for you, Your Ruthlessness?” the merrow asked, quill pen poised over the pad, ready to jot the order.

 

             “Thanks, Wendy. That will do.”

 

              “And you, sir, what will…hey! My eyes are up here, sir!”

 

              The Steward broke in diplomatically. “Never mind him, Wendy. Just bring him prime rib and lobster. Cook the prime rib medium rare and bring plenty of butter for the lobster.”

 

              “As you say, Your Ruthlessness.” She bowed to the Steward of Tara but gave John Peter a hostile glare before returning to the kitchen.

 

              When she was gone, Ed Calkins leaned forward and studied John-Peter, who now looked highly annoyed. “I can see that you’re upset. You’ll have to forgive the merrows. They are in a sexual harassment suit with the leprechauns right now. Perhaps they're hypervigilant about any unwanted attention, even if the attention isn't really that unwanted. You know how crude leprechauns can be.”

 

              “And you know I don't eat meat,” John Peter retorted. “Even a prisoner has the right to edible food. I can't eat anything from an animal. I'm a vegan. You know this.”

 

              But Ed had already launched into a monologue about something or another.

 

              “…and so your father, John Simons who wasn’t really your father, but everyone back then knew him as John Simotes, told me that I had died and come back as a vampire. Well, I didn’t believe him until he placed a slab of uncooked corn beef in front of me, completely raw, mind you. I scuffed the whole thing down like it was my last meal, but what really shocked me was the way I wanted more…the bloodier the better. I could have...”

 

              John Peter’s eyes found another mirror that should have captured the reflection of the diners. Instead, it showed a single person: the young man with dark, neatly combed, shortish hair that he had seen in the bedroom.

 

              “…don’t you see? That was the brilliance to my plan. John Simons couldn’t believe me when I told him that artificial intelligence was beyond my ability as a programmer. I couldn’t argue with him successfully because you were already here. So, cleverly convincing him that he was right, I... ah, the food is here.”

 

              The food was carefully matched to the proper diners. John Peter frowned at his plate. Uncle Ed sipped his blood goblet expectingly. Something was wrong. The sight of dead fish and animals should have turned his stomach. Instead, the smell seemed inviting. There wasn't a single plant-based item on his plate.

 

              “Go ahead,” Ed urged.

 

              “I can’t eat this. You programed me to shudder at dead flesh.”

 

              “I did promise to do that. I’m a fraud, I’m afraid. Take a bite.”

 

              John Peter did as he was told. Cutting a piece of the prime rib and putting it to his lips made his mouth water. The deliciousness of the mouthful was undeniable. “Are you sure this is meat?”

 

              Uncle Ed nodded. “This is your Pinocchio moment. It seems like you're not changeling anymore. You're a real boy now.”

 

              “Dr. Rothgard lied to me.”

 

              “No, young man. I lied to Dr. Rothgard. He told you that I made you because that's what I told him. The truth is I didn't make you as much as I recruited you. You were a deal I made with three others. John Simons wanted a son and gave his blood and a leg from his prized piano to the construction. Eircheard was to build a stock changeling of the finest quality from those two materials, and I was to write software to make that changeling something special. Knowing that was beyond me, I instead gave Eircheard a creature to put inside that Oakwood 360 changeling. I mistakenly thought it was a wood sprite named Glorna. His name might have been Glorna, but he was no wood sprite. He was an imp hypnotized into believing he was a wood sprite. Eircheard knew about that. What no one knew was the additional step I took because I had an infant that Glorna brought me, and he wasn’t going anywhere unless I made sure that infant had a childhood. That baby is the young man you see in the mirror.”

 

              “But I was slightly green…with red hair!”

 

              “No. You were inside an electrical device from the distant future. It cost me two trips to the end of time and back to get the thing. From that ‘electronic womb,’ you and Glorna acted together to make John-Peter Simotes. It was the Oakwood 360 unit that was green. It was Glorna that couldn’t eat meat the same way an alcoholic can't drink the smallest bit of alcohol lest he go back to what he was. Before he was part of John-Peter, he ate a woodsman. Once an imp tastes blood…well imagine John-Peter’s childhood as a cannibal.”

 

              “And now?” John-Peter stuffed another bite of prime rib into his mouth.

 

              “Now? You’re grounded, of course. Your mother died giving birth to you. Your father died in a murder/suicide. He became a vampire and his victim, also a vampire, became your stepfather. Both vampires have been staked, so all you have for a guardian is me. Sorry about that, but your grounded for the next eight years. It won’t be so bad. I sent you to the future of this Tara, which is still in the ancient past, but all portals that lead to Munsonville do so in the year 2019. That’s how I know you won’t escape. That’s where we are right now, so most of your grounding is already served.”

 

              “But you’re grounding me for a crime you claim I didn’t commit.”

 

              “Indeed. You’re welcome. You have to prove to Judge Arkins that you would have been brave enough to kill your uncle to save the imprisoned young women. My punishing you for it might help your case. I know you think you did. You remember doing it, but that was Glorna who did the deed, not you. You never went through the enchanted mirror. You remember what happened only because of the telepathic link that Glorna had with you. Try and understand. Most vampires just crawl into their coffins when it's time to sleep. Some have to reenact their murder or suicide every day just before sunrise. I only reanimate once a year, but somebody has to kill me. Sometime in my future, Glorna will. But I believe that you would do the same. The two of you are like twins. You had the same parents and shared the same thoughts for the last eighteen years. The only difference is you're different creatures and only you have parents. That was another fraud. Your mother, Bryony, was the first love and wife of John Simons, but John was not the father. Care to guess who your father was?”

 

              “Henry Mathews?”

 

              “Indeed. Can you imagine what he would have done to you if he’d found out that you were the love child of that illicit pair? That's why I kept you living your life remotely in that electronic womb. Now you have to prove to a judge that you would have murdered Ed Calkins and traded yourself for the girl you call Angela – even though her name is 42 – just as Glorna did. If you can prove that, your sentence would be a four-year, full ride to Jenson college.”

 

              It was all too much for the eighteen-year-old. “So I’m not a changeling anymore?”

 

              “You never were.” Ed took another sip. “And if you continue to call yourself John-Peter Simotes, people that knew him will not be amused. John-Peter Simotes is dead now, and the pieces that made him are ready to live their own lives. For Glorna, that’s going to be far more difficult. He’s been three different creatures. I think you should take your father’s name. Matthews. Jean-Pierre Matthews.

 

              “Jean-Pierre is just John-Peter in French,” the boy informed the vampire dryly. “And I must be sick, or the food is enchanted. I can’t eat another bite.”

 

              “No matter,” the Steward replied. Then he shouted at the door. “Wendy, would you come here for a moment? I have a candidate for the Red Branch that I’d like you to consider.”

 

              The youth was shocked. “You don’t mean the Knights of the Red Branch, do you Uncle Ed? You’ve been filling me with those legends for years.”

 

              The annoyed merrow rushed forward immediately, but upon noticing that no others had entered the room, she began clearing plates and paid no notice to Jean-Pierre. When the Steward called her out, the merrow frowned but politely set the silverware she was carrying on the table.

 

              “With all due respect, Your Ruthlessness, I cannot be compelled to accept any lad just because you desire it.”

 

              “Noted, Wendy. I only ask that you consider him.”

 

              “Didn’t you say he’s eighteen? He’s too old. We don’t accept married men and if he’s been unable to find a wife by that age…well.”

 

              “Boys don’t marry so early where he’s from.”

 

              The merrow sighed and looked Jean-Pierre over in a way that made the lad blush.

 

              “Stand up,” she directed with her hand as much as her mouth.

 

  Reluctantly, he complied.

 

              “Turn around.”

 

              Her boldness made her pause, but – again – Jean-Pierre did as he was told.

 

              “See how you like it,” she hissed but then addressed the Steward. “He’s attractive enough, but in what way is he elite? Has he known battle? Because for the looks of him, he’s hardly been outdoors.”

 

              “He killed a vampire once,” the Steward hedged. “But that was an accident and only half of him participated…the half he was not, I’m guessing.”

 

              “Kellen Wechsler?” the still standing lad turned to ask.

 

The vampire nodded his head, but the merrow was clearly not impressed. She stared him down with one more question.

 

              “Life for a Red Branch Knight is hard,” the merrow said, almost defiantly. “Why do you wish to be in their number?”

 

              “I really don’t.” Jean-Pierre answered honestly. “It’s my uncle’s idea.”