Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

About the BryonySeries: Basilica of Saint Patrick's Old Cathedral

Cindy, who makes our Ribbit-Ribbits, announced at our marketing dinner in December that she and her family would be spending New Year's Eve at Times Square and a few days in New York, seeing "the sights."

At the time, Cindy didn't have any "sights" in mind. So I suggested a few.

Because the BryonySeries prequel "Before The Blood" is part historical fiction, I created the "feel" of the time and locations by lightly blending real landmarks and events into the overall story.

One landmark was St. Patrick's Old Cathedral, which was established in 1815 at 263 Mulberry Street in Lower Manhattan and was the seat of the acrchdiosese until 1879, when St. Patrick's (New) Cathedral on Fifth Avenue replaced it as the seat.

In "Before The Blood: John Simons" John's father Abbiott Simons insists they walk the five miles one way to from their Fifth Avenue mansion to St. Patrick's Old Cathedral, even after the arrival of New St. Patrick's Cathedral, which Abbott loathed. This never made sense to John, as the latter more grandiose and close to home.

John Simons was born in 1863, and he recalled the first time he attended St. Patrick's Old Cathedral (1868), quite a trek for a young boy. But as far as we know, John never complained about the walk, only about the length of the archbishop's sermons.

That archbishop was Father John McCloskey, a man with a fascinating backstory and who later because the first United States cardinal.

The bust in the first photo is of "Dagger" John Hughes, fourth bishop and first Archbishop of New York, and the bishop responsible for the construction of the new St. Patrick's Cathedral, although that church was not completed until after Hughes' death.

Hughes was the son of a poor farmer, so the story of his life is also fascinating read.

Below are photos Cindy took of the interior and exterior of St. Patrick's Old Cathedral, including a few of the cemetery on church grounds, as the church is still very much an active church.

The old Erben organ, installed also in 1868, was out for repair, so she didn't get photos of it. But you can see and hear it here.

Beyond the photos are three excerpts from "Before The Blood: John Simons" that take place at or near St. Patrick's Old Cathedral.

Next week, we'll explore one interesting feature about St. Patrick's Old Cathedral that also made it into "Before The Blood."

You see, St. Patrick's Old Cathedral also has catacombs.
















It didn't matter if John dreamed of his father as the devil or the Almighty, for behind the walls of the Fifth Avenue mansion loosely called "home," John perceived Farlow Abbott Simons as the embodiment of omnipotence, supreme authority, and judgment, an eternal presence John could never please.

            On Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation when Abbot stayed in town, father and son attended High Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral, its Federal-style architecture and plaster ceiling and walls inside its one hundred and twenty foot long and fifty foot wide interior resembling home: hard, beautiful, and cold. As erect and immobile as the marble statues, but not nearly so tall, Abbot stood beside his son, and, to the accompaniment of the Erben organ, sang those majestic Latin hymns in a strong and powerful tenor voice.

             John even recalled the first day they had attended: March seventeenth, eighteen-sixty-eight. The sermon, delivered by Archbishop John McClosky, droned on and on and on. More than once, a restless John shuffled feet and felt his father's pinch.

             "He speaks too much," John whispered after one such assault on his neck.

            Abbot did not reply, but during the walk home, Abbott did say, "A fire destroyed the sanctuary two years ago, but, as you saw today, it was rebuilt. The archbishop will not always talk so long. Today was the cathedral's rededication, the feast day of the church's' patron saint."

             John had opened his mouth to ask, "What's a patron saint?" But Abbot had chosen that moment to toss a coin at a ragged boy with a runny nose in exchange for a copy of the New York Gazette, and John let the question drift away.

            Often, as John stole glances at his father lifting his voice to the firmament in song, he wondered if the beautiful words cut into Abbot's alabaster exterior to stir something of the immortal within him, or if his father merely crooned empty syllables. Sometimes after Mass, Abbott would walk through the church's cemetery, pausing now and again before a tombstone, and bowing his head in prayer.

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By the evening of December 23, the house was filled with guests anticipating festivities extending through New Year's Day, most of them centered around food, from the creamed fish leading the Christmas Eve dinner at dusk to the roast goose stuffed with apples and potatoes on Christmas evening. As Christmas Eve night deepened and the post-dinner conversations grew louder over thick slices of Irish cake and lively games of whist, John retreated to his chambers, avoiding those of his mother's where she relentlessly sang Silent Night, to think and plan.

            He was back downstairs by a quarter past eleven. With his star outshining the others in brilliance and brightness, John accompanied Abbott on foot to the candlelit midnight Mass at Old St. Patrick's Cathedral. Abbott stubbornly refused to set foot inside the new seat of the Archdiocese of New York, which John could not comprehend, as his father was not generally sentimental. But either the solemnity of the newborn Savior or the claret punch struck Abbott, for his strong tenor cut through the silent, glittering night on the walk back:

Adeste, fideles, laeti triumphantes:

Venite, venite in Bethlehem:

Venite adoremus.

Venite adoremus.

Venite adoremus Dominum.

            At home, feast number two awaited them: French omelets, hot buttered toast, buckwheat cakes, creamed potatoes and creamed sweetbreads, oyster pie, assorted jellies, and coffee. But the post-Mass discussions were subdued and halting. Gradually, the weary clan dispersed to their rooms, and John went with them, Gloria, in excelsis Deo lingering in his mind. By late morning, they had relished a hearty brunch of French onion soup, mutton chops, and fried apples; an afternoon Christmas tea staved off hunger pains for several more hours. John retired sooner than usual. Abbott had scheduled an early morning meeting with the board of trustees.

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For the next two hours, John sprinkled complex compositions with renditions of The Liberty Song and The Star-Spangled Banner, as the half-starving refugees ravaged the food tables. Eventually, John switched to songs Papa Everett used to play, and these resonated with the shabby audience more than his masterpieces. Ladies in rags and shawls gradually released their inhibitions long enough to persuade their weary husbands to dance in the aisles with them. Children skipped in circles and twirled to the beat.

            As John set down the lid, Peabody walked up.

             "What a phenomenal success, I tell you! I even hired a couple of the...um...guests. I can't thank you enough."

            "My pleasure."

            "Say, I know you can't play without pay all the time, but would you consent to one last special request? Nothing as fancy or long as today."

            "What are you suggesting?"

            "I belong to old St. Patrick's. It has the most beautiful Erben pipe organ. I think the old cathedral sometimes gets forgotten, now that the archdiocese has a new seat. What would you say about playing High Mass, just one time? I could arrange it through our priest."

            "I'll play Sunday."

            Peabody blinked, taken aback. "I didn't expect immediately. Certainly, you may ponder the request."

            "On the contrary, I'm looking forward to fulfilling your wishes, and quickly."

            "Well, thank you. Not trying to offend, but you don't strike me as the pious type."

            "I'm not offended. And you'd be surprised."

            The next day, John had an invitation for a special July fourteenth appearance at the Academy of Music, a four thousand seat opera house of New York's old money, eclipsed in popularity when New York's new money opened the Metropolitan Opera House five years ago. John smiled when he read the telegram and handed the urchin ten dollars.

             "Thankee, sir!" The boy tipped his hat and dashed away.

            Not long now, John thought with satisfaction, not long at all. He patted his wallet and hoped each card therein felt his hand. His hour with destiny drew near. He was ready.

            On Sunday, John climbed to the choir loft of that Federal-style edifice and took his seat at the organ, one of the earliest sources of music from John's long-ago childhood, and John's first experience at awe, for the organ had cost fifteen thousand dollars at the time of its purchase in eighteen sixty-eight. As the Latin hymns reverberated off the plaster walls, John's spirit soared higher than the ceilings, knowing his father was facing the gold-leaf screen behind the altar, standing as proud as the marble statues, and loathing every note.


Friday, April 17, 2026

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, April 4 through April 17

 Good morning!

I have ten stories online to share with you today, including part one of several large projects for the Shaw Local News Network's regional health team.

More stories will go live over the weekend. So please check back at shawlocal.com/the-herald-news.

To see the stories that ran in print this week and aren't online yet, click on the e-edition option at the top of The Herald-News website.

Before the stories, I also have a list of additional updates, resources, and information. Please check them out, too.

And if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

Calendar

The BryonySeries calendar offers links to games, crafts, music, activities, science experiments, and  recipes that pick up themes to one or more of our books.

To participate, visit bryonyseries.com/ourcalendar.

Events (or where to find the BryonySeries) - so far:

April 18: "Shades of Noir" at 2 and 7 p.m., Billie Limacher Bicentennial Park, 201 W. Jefferson St., Joliet. Eight members of WriteOn Joliet (including me) will original radio-style stories and poems for the fourth year in a row. 

The first ten attendees at each performance will receive a FREE 2025 WriteOn Joliet anthology, courtesy of the BryonySeries creative group B.L.O.C.K.S. 

The first thirteen attendees at the BryonySeries before the 2 p.m.performance and the first twelve attendees at the BryonySeries table before the 7 p.m. performance will receive a FREE booklet called "Angel or Demon" (source material for "Missing Person"), courtesy of The Raven's House, who will be selling select noir pieces at the BryonySeries table.

Also, please check out our books by popping into The Book Market in Crest Hill (if you live in the area) or bookshop.org or Amazon if you don't. 

Also, many titles are available at the Joliet Public Library and the Downers Grove Public Library.

Please note: Bookshop and the libraries do not carry all of our books.

What is the BryonySeries?


For more information on the developing "parent brand" that is removing some of the heavy marketing lifting from me, visit bryonyseries.com/blocks.

BryonySeries books-in-progress

Bertrand the Mouse: We have plenty of Bertrand photos and ideas. Several are at the top of the list. At some point, we will assemble and release some more.

The Adventures of Cornell Dyer: Cornell Dyer and the House of Horreur" (because the toymaker's last name is "Horreur.") is finally begun, although albeit very slowly. I'd like to get enough done over the next month or so to finally give Sue Midlock (our artist for The Adventures of Cornell Dyer) some ideas for the book's cover and chapter heading illustrations.

Brainy Ann: The fifth book in The Girls of the BryonySeries is outlined and four chapters are written, hurray! Jennifer Wainwright has finished the cover portrait. I let this book slide for other BryonySeries projects. But the goal is to release "Brainy Ann" in 2026.

Jennifer designed the cover portraits for "Julie and the Too-Hard Homework," "Katie and the Big Fear," "Summer Sisters." and "Karla Joins In," as well as the frontispiece for "Lycanthropic Summer."

Other books: I am not writing a novel this year. But I have an idea for a BryonySeries Christmas anthology that I'd like to release in 2026. We also have a prologue/first chapter sampler of all the BryonySeries novels and an novel excerpt (so far) that's only available at certain events.

Rebekah is also slowly (very, very slowly) updating the BryonySeries YouTube and Pinterest accounts. And she' catching up with Kindles for some of the BryonySeries books. So do watch for those.

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Wednesday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks, will be featured in an upcoming cookbook, or is just an "extra" we want to share with you.

Check out the weekly recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook pageWe're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues and two ways to attend meetings. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I haven't posted anything on Twitter/X (except a daily Bible verse) since September I can no longer schedule posts in advance. I'm not sure yet how to manage the account without that option. But you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I used to curated content relating to the BryonySeries on Twitter/X at @BryonySeries and still post assorted related content at facebook.com/BryonySeriesyoutube.com/user/BryonySeries, and themes of each book in the BryonySeries at pinterest.com/bryonyseries.

Again, not sure yet about the direction of the BryonySeries Twitter/X account. Still mulling that over.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

Millennials face hidden health crisis despite appearing healthy

Drug overdoses and suicide drive first decline in life expectancy since 1850

https://www.shawlocal.com/news/2026/04/16/millennials-face-hidden-health-crisis-despite-appearing-healthy/

Raccoons invade Joliet woman’s home, Naperville wildlife service comes to the rescue

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/15/raccoons-invade-joliet-womans-home-naperville-wildlife-service-comes-to-the-rescue/

Joliet church to celebrate 100th anniversary of worship services on the radio

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/11/joliet-church-to-celebrate-100th-anniversary-of-worship-services-on-the-radio/

New bar and grill opens in New Lenox

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/11/new-bar-and-grill-opens-in-new-lenox/

Will County Brewing in Shorewood to close

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/10/will-county-brewing-to-close/

Plainfield brewery hosting networking event to support Walk to End Alzheimer’s

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/12/plainfield-brewery-hosting-networking-event-to-support-walk-to-end-alzheimers/

Joliet Park Foundation contributes $200,000 toward nature center restoration

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/13/joliet-park-foundation-contributes-200000-toward-nature-center-restoration/

New Joliet bubble tea shop to hold grand opening

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/16/joliet-bubble-tea-shop-to-hold-grand-opening/

Joliet Chamber raffle offers chance to win a year of dining and live entertainment

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/10/joliet-chamber-raffle-offers-chance-to-win-a-year-of-dining-and-live-entertainment/

Will County Pets of the Week: April 13, 2026

Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption

https://www.shawlocal.com/the-herald-news/2026/04/13/will-county-pets-of-the-week-april-13-2026/

 




Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage"

Monday, June 8, 2020

The Best Post You'll Read All Week

Ever have one of those moments when the Holy Spirit appears to tap you on the shoulder?

I had one last week in the middle of an extremely busy afternoon on deadline. Immediately, I laid aside my other work and followed up on it.

I picked up the phone and called six black male pastors I had interviewed over the years and asked them one question: What are your thoughts regarding the death of George Floyd and the events that followed?

Four picked up the phone right away and talked a lot. Some talked loudly, some talked rapidly, some chose his words very carefully, not in any sort of political correctness way, but because, and I could hear it in his voice, think about the best way to express what he was thinking and feeling.

One called me back and set up a time to talk the following morning. And he talked for over an hour, which turned into a bit of dialogue between us

One never called back, although, to be fair, I didn't leave the question on the voice mail, just a requst to call me back.

Why did I call them?

Because they are leaders in their church communities and will have to continue addressing this issue, so I knew they could communicate the sentiments well for the readers.

Because they are objective enough to see all sides.

Because they are both rational and spiritual.

Because racism affects their lives and the lives of people they know.

And because since everyone seems to have something to say right now, I felt somebody ought to ask them what they thought.

Here are the responses, which, instead of one story, turned into five.


‘Truth will get you into trouble; truth will get you killed’
Joliet pastor challenges people to listen to each other

https://www.theherald-news.com/2020/06/07/truth-will-get-you-into-trouble-truth-will-get-you-killed/a9ljyp0/


'I have never gotten so frustrated that I felt like burning down Target'
Will County Board member says two wrongs don’t make a right

https://www.theherald-news.com/2020/06/02/i-have-never-gotten-so-frustrated-that-i-felt-like-burning-down-target/ajk1yux/


'At the end of the day, we're all broken people, right?'
#Joliet pastor says people need to take responsibility for racism

https://www.theherald-news.com/2020/06/05/at-the-end-of-the-day-were-all-broken-people-right/agucfft/


'Black people have been in an unhealthy domestic abuse relationship with America'
#Joliet pastor said the oppressors need to fix the problem

https://www.theherald-news.com/2020/06/04/black-people-have-been-in-an-unhealthy-domestic-abuse-relationship-with-america/aov3ksg/


'It's kind of like open season on the African American male'
Clergyman says real issue is flaw in judicial system

https://www.theherald-news.com/2020/06/02/its-kind-of-like-open-season-on-the-african-american-male/awfyaai/




Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."

Interestingly, this illustration occurs at the end of the book, which leads into the third book. "Staked! deals with the theme of righting wrongs.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Who's Your Role Model?

That was one of the questions from the students at Joliet West High School, and it made me pause before answering. Since one question also was, "Who's your favorite author?" (I don't have one), I decided the response didn't have to be writer-based.

So, I replied, "Fr. Boris Zabrodsky," and proceeded to verbally introduce them to a remarkable man.

Fr. Boris has been my confessor, mentor, and godfather ever since I was received into the Eastern Orthodox Church in the summer of nineteen eighty-nine. My association with his church, St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Homewood, Illinois, is and has been the source of my greatest spiritual growth. Here's why.

   *  Fr. Boris is one of the forerunners of the charismatic movement in the Eastern Orthodox Church. This movement has added a strong element of holy joy into a denomination that often presents itself in a staid and static manner.

   *  His motto and best spiritual advice is, "Walk in praise," and he means authentic, sincere praise directed to God because He is God, not a Pollyanna oblivion to harsh circumstances of life.

  *  Donations are voluntary. St. Nicholas does not pass a collection basket.

  *  He advocates congregational singing. Worship in the Eastern Orthodox Church is antiphonal, although in many churches, the "dialogue" occurs between clergy and choir. We have no choir. Rather, Fr. Boris has always encouraged full particpation by all, and we truly do "make a joyful noise."

  *  He embraces hard work. At seventy-eight, Fr. Boris is not only pastor, he is hall manager and head custodian. He does not administrate from afar, but is strongly present in all church affairs, sometimes to our annoyance.

  *   He's not afraid to get his hands dirty. St. Nicholas rests on a well and septic. Guess who does the all-too-frequent rodding?

  *  He has an interesting sense of humor. Anyone know the jokes about the three pastors and their wives that present themselves to St. Peter after perishing in an auto accident or the fellow that encounters the leprachaun on the golf course? Yep, I heard them from Fr. Boris.

  * He believes in asking for and bestowing forgiveness, presonally and frequently. If you doubt it, come check out our forgiveness line this Sunday.

  *  Because Fr. Boris accepts his own blemishes, I've learned not to take myself too seriously.

  *  He promotes a strong healing ministry, with emphasis on physical healing, as well as complete healing. St. Nicholas hosts a monthly healing service, although one may request anointing and prayer at any time. Fr. Boris is a chaplain at one hospital and visits four more. He does not limit his visits to his parishioners, but seeks out those separated from their own churches, individuals who need and/or desire a clergy presence.

 *  He's a proponent of prayer, especially for the sick and the dead. He prays often and spontaneously and reminds others to utilize the same opportunity.

 *  Most importantly, Fr. Boris focuses his ministry on the individual. His love truly covers a multitude of sins. He "adopts" people others consider hopeless and builds strong servants of the church, whether these are men ordained at St. Nicholas (eleven by my count, amazing for a small mission parish) and now serve other churches or the homeless who have found refuge and meaning within St. Nicholas' walls.

Each of these principles, really the foundational principles of Christianity, have profoundly influenced the way I parent my children, run my business, write my stories, and minister unto others. Although it will take a lifetime or two to perfect them, the task is simplified with a living example before me.

  

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Paralytic

Yesterday, in the Eastern Orthodox Church, was the "Sunday of the Paralytic," the Gospel reading of the man, paralyzed for thirty-eight years, who lies besides a pool, known for its miraculous healing...if you're the lucky first fellow in after an angel rippled the water. The problem was that this man had no one to place him into that water.

I think writers, so often, are like that paralyzed man. Our brains flood with ideas, but we wait for the right circumstances to begin writing (or for taking that good, hard look at our bad writing and start the process of self-editing and rewriting) and languish beside the pool of creativity.

However, when Jesus came along, he informed the paralytic that true healing came elsewhere. It's the same when facing a blank page. If we wait until we're bathed in muse, we'll probably have a long wait. The real business of writing comes from picking up our mats of excuses and getting some words on paper.

Like any journey, we'll take some wrong turns. Like the paralytic, we'll stumble at times, but that's common to anyone who decides to get up and walk. But if we just lie staring at our reflection, we'll never know the sweetness of the path.



Sunday, March 6, 2011

Ever Been Confronted with a Life Changing Event?

I’m sure just about everyone could answer “yes.”

Yet, when I read this post on indie author Serena Diosa’s The Beginnings of Tinkey’s Goldfish Facebook page, I remembered an event from 1997 that didn’t seem particularly life-transforming on the surface.

However, as it happened, I felt an odd “shift” in myself. I recognized it as such, although I didn’t know at the time where it would lead me.

This is what happened: The pastor at the church where I belonged at the time asked me to accompany him to a three-day young adult ministry conference in Chicago. He could only stay for the first day. I was to attend break-out sessions all three days and submit a report, which would be forwarded to our bishop.

While it sounds like no big deal, it really was. I had not done anything like this since college, and I was thirty-six. I was married to my first husband and was raising and homeschooling six children between the ages of two and fifteen. I had not even had a proper vacation since I lived under my parent’s roof because money was so scarce.

Not until day two of the conference had ended, and I was checking into my hotel room did I realize I had never spent the night in a hotel without my family. Before I headed down to dinner, I kicked off my shoes, turned on some music, and literally reveled in the unseen change that had entered my life. Something was going to happen; I just knew it.

I enjoyed a nice dinner (accompanied by St. John of the Ladder’s The Ladder of Perfection, which I had always wanted to read) and spent the following day taking notes, meeting people, and networking with others in my denomination. On the last morning, I had breakfast with one of the session leaders.

Shortly thereafter, this same priest taught me the basics of writing on a computer (I didn’t own one) and assigned me stories for the diocesan newspaper. I was already writing two free columns a month for the local newspaper, and I do mean writing. I didn’t even own a typewriter anymore, but the opinion page editor liked my work (writing the columns was his idea), and I figured it was good experience.

Six months later, I was a single parent and writing for that newspaper. My resume? A happy fan who was also the manager at the newspaper's distribution center from where I delivered newspapers and clips from those columns and church newspaper.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Other Stuff I Write

Although I rise at midnight and pen amusing vampire stories, I actually spend very little time writing fiction, compared to the rest of my work.

In addition to delivering newspapers at night, homeschooling two children, hosting a small mission church in my home, and overseeing an "in theory" daily family Bible study with three of my children, I fill my days with a bevy of writing assignments.

Most of my work is for the Herald News (http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/) where I have written on just about every topic imaginable, except for hard news and sports. For many years, I had three "regular features" I filled every week, two of which are still going strong.

One of them, long since phased out for space, was Local Flavor, a spotlight on what area people liked to cook, along with a couple of their recipes. Artworks, which I have been writing since 1998, profiles local artists and their work. An Extraordinary Life spotlights recently deceased individuals who have led unusually interesting and inspirational lives. I've been writing this column for almost ten years.

For the last two years, I have also written press releases and web content for Adventist Midwest Health (http://www.keepingyouwell.com/). The work has no byline, but the topics are versatile and very interesting. That, to me, is more important than a byline.

In addition, I have had two stories published in Chicago Parent (http://www.chicagoparent.com/), one in Frankfort Patch (http://frankfort.patch.com/), and one in The Handmaiden (http://www.conciliarpress.com/.

My other "funsie" writing was several years ago when I wrote three feature stories and one Local Flavor spoof for The Clarion & Globe, the newsletter of the Goodies Rule-OK! fan club (http://www.goodiesruleok.com/).

Come to think of it, I haven't wandered over to the GROK website in a while. I think I'll do that now.

Monday, December 20, 2010

WHAM

Yesterday afternoon, our family received a delightful nineteenth century Christmas treat from WHAM.

Five members of the Wheeling High Alumni Men's Chorus (They were Wham long before WHAM! with George Michael) in top hats, scarves and canes (they've outgrown the rest of their official lamplighter costumes) stopped by our deck and entertained us with their rendition of traditional carols, including Joy to the World, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, The First Noel, and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

One of WHAM's members was participating in a fundraising event at the Billie Limacher Bicentennial Park in Joliet, and WHAM was singing in between performances. Our house just so happened to be on the way, and boy, were we glad!

Now it just so happened that our small mission church (so small we haven't told anyone about it yet--one of our goals for 2011) was celebrating old calendar St. Nicholas and the repose of St. John of Kronstadt (our mission's patron saint), so the chorus was the crowning point of an upbeat afternoon.

What began as a bit of Christmas fun back in 1975 (Bryony zig zags between 1975 and the late Victorian era; yes I had to get that in) with a dozen newbie high school graduates has morphed into a holiday celebration of spreading good cheer. With the remaining members scattered across the country, those who still live in the area also use WHAM as a reason to see each other once a year.

I'm hoping singing at the Unland house can become part of their annual tradition.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Denise Unland's Alternative Geneology Part 10

In the ever-continuing saga of my make-believe ancestry, Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, reveals the history-changing outcome from overpaying a bill.

Number Six woke the next day to discover that the check for three days drinking, a large fortune by dark age standards, seven dollars and 47.3 cents by today’s money, had been paid twice. Fearing Divine retribution, Number Six knew she had to return the halves to the appropriate party. It is certain that the Orthodox Church got its refund but that was because it was down the block from the winery.

If we are to contend that Number Six, who is an ancestor of Denise, went to Ireland and settled there, what proof could we find? Firstly, we know that Ireland was not experiencing a shortage of beer at the time, so if she ever made it there, she would have no reason to leave, but how do we even know that she realized the monks were from Ireland?

However there is the fact that two years latter the Irish GDP had raised to an unprecedented seven dollars and 47 cents. (.3 cents might have been the tip) The percentage of the rise was uncalulateable seeing that for the last ten years the GDP was zero. (Years before it was negative.)

Clearly both Brother Clover and Number Six spent the rest of their days in Ireland.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Tomb of Sarah

When remodeling a church, the narrator is forced to move a tomb belonging to a murdered recluse rumored to have been either a witch or werewoman. Naturally, the tomb comes with a warning not to disturb it.

Upon examining its contents, the narrator is disturbed at the freshness of the corpse, considering it's centuries old. A later inspection reveals a ruddy appearance, and the battle of wits against a live vampire begins.

The Tomb of Sarah by F.G. Loring has all the satisfying elements of a good vampire story: wakeful watchfulness, midnight pursuit, and the ultimate staking. For good measure and salvation's sake, the narrator reads a few prayers over the remains, too.

Short, sweet, and online.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cleaning up the Dirt

We have a very tiny mission church in our home. A couple of weeks ago, as our priest was packing up, he glanced toward the kitchen. “Did you get new cabinets?” he asked. “They look brighter.”

“No,” I said, handing him his first mug of coffee for the day. Our denomination has a tradition of fasting from midnight, so making coffee after services is considered a great work of mercy. “Rebekah (my sixteen-year-old daughter) polished them when I had surgery.”

I thought about those cabinets Saturday when I began tackling Bryony’s third round of edits. The story is structurally sound, but it does have some smudges and stains that dull its sheen. A good editor doesn’t mind looking over your shoulder to say, “Hey, you missed a spot here, here, and over there.”

Some of those in my closest circle—the ones that read Bryony's crudest drafts--worry that editing means content changing. I think they will be pleasantly surprised at the finished product. I doubt they will notice the changes. The inherent story is the same, but smoother and, like my cabinets, brighter.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

New Life From Ashes

For years, despite a daily midnight (or earlier) rising time, we actively belonged to a church nearly 50 miles away from home. Often, we imported two vans full of people. Parish life and newspaper delivery consumed us on Sundays.

Once deliveries were completed, we made the rounds of picking up people. Most were members of the church youth group we oversaw. No two kids lived in the same town. Eastern Orthodox services last ninety minutes, minimum. Following that was additional services, Sunday School, and fellowship. By the time we returned each child to his front porch, it was close to bedtime.

Last year, for many reasons, that Sunday routine fell apart. Church attendance was sporadic at best. Running a caravan became impossible. We muddled through a spiritual wilderness that seemed to have no end.

Then, in the middle of the flu crisis in our household, the former assistant pastor unexpectedly stopped to see us. It wasn’t a social visit; he had an announcement. He wanted to begin a mission church at our house, even if it only served his family and ours. We couldn’t believe it. Church, with all its amenities was coming to us. Hoo! Hoo!

Through the winter, we met twice a month. We wrote a business plan. We planned. We encouraged one another. We conducted a few, small services, then scheduled them with more frequency. We held a Lenten workshop, a round robin of house blessings, and two agape meals. We cheered the day we became "official" and received donations of the items required to celebrate Divine Liturgy.

The first official Divine Liturgy was on Pentecost, outside where growing, green things abounded. It was less than perfect. I was sick and lost my voice after the first round of litanies; my kids struggled to chant the entire service. An occasional motorcycle blasted through the neighborhood. Our priest occasionally lost his place in the service book. Yet, we felt exultant at the liturgy's conclusion. We had begun. We were on our way. It was a glorious feeling.