Are You a Member of the IVA?

Don't answer that question too quickly.

The IVA is the acronym for the Irish Vampires Association and I first learned of the IVA in 2011 when Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, and first official Irish vampire, called me one day and told me the IVA was very angry.

Shortly after this, Ed sent me an explainer of the IVA, which I should not reprint here due to the fact the IVA is a highly secret organization. 

The question of whether someone is or is not a member of the IVA is addressed in Ed's Ruthless trilogy: "Ruthless," "The Fifth," and "Recovering Ruthless."

But since you should know how to answer correctly if you're ever asked, here's Ed's explanation of the IVA to the Irish Vampire Mob in "Ruthless."

First anyone can join the IVA even if they don’t think they’re a vampire, they just have to think they’re Irish, which isn’t helpful here. 

Second, every IVA member is also an office holder, holding whatever office he or she thinks should belong to him or her. The budget for that office is the same as the members’ dues, which also isn’t helpful. 

Third, the member must initiate him or herself and tell no one about it or that he or she is a member. If someone should say something, he is immediately expelled, which is helpful because anyone who says he is a member, isn’t. 

Fourth, a member must never hurt or kill anyone he suspects might be another IVA member. The Irish Vampires Association loves whacking a vampire as much as any other vampire association, but we have so few targets since anyone could be a member.

Happy Saturday!