Steward Setback Saturday: Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, Explains the IVA

Don't know what the IVA is?

Neither did I until Ed Calkins explained it.

For those who haven't heard of Ed, he is a real person who legally allowed me to fictionalize the part of his identity that he fictionalized as recurring character in the BryonySeries.

He wrote my "Irish genealogy," which we published in honor of Calkins Day a few years ago.

And he is currently working on his first novel, Ruthless, which he hopes to release for Calkins Day 2021 (Feb. 13).

Here, then, is Ed's original explanation of the IVA.

But first, a telegram from our sponsor with an update on Ruthless.

Dear MOMI:

I finished it.

At least, I have a completed first draft.

I'll send it to you along with the other chapters in the morning.

I can’t wait to start editing as I realize now that it will bulk up rather than slim down

Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, Explains the IVA

There are two ways to join. The first way is the simplest.

 1) You can think you're Ed Calkins, and thus the spokesman for the Irish Vampiew Association.

 2) You don't have to think you're a vampire, but you do have to think you're Irish and have a fondness and dedication to the Irish Vampire cause. You must think that you should be a member, mention this to no one, pay what dues you think you should, and hold what office you think you should hold. What ever dues you pay are the budget for your office, so spend it wisely. Also you must dislike any people you think an Irish Vampire would dislike, and think badly of them as a result.

 Image the power of such a secretive structure! Few are foolish enough to cross the IVA. For example, there was a flint dealer named Ug some 10,000 year ago that insulted the IVA. In retailation, its members decided his daughter was unattractive. Poor Ug! Not only did his daughter Lee remain unmarried (and thus childless; it was a simpler time), but too this day when any sight is deemed visually unappealling, the memory of Ug's Lee is mentioned.

 P.S. If you are an IVA member and your department is under budget, you could send the excess to Ed Calkins.

 Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara