Denise Unland's Alternate Geneology Part 4

By now, a life of compulsion had taken its toll. Already very over weight, hopelessly in debt, over thirty, and unable to find any really good comic books; how much did Leo really have to lose? Nero had already died and with each new emperor, the Christian persecutions had expanded. Each day the coliseum’s scratch sheet listed the deaths of Christian inmates as a 'sure bet'. Why couldn't he get in on that?

The next day, Leo stood in the center of the town square and proclaimed himself a Christian. The towns folk, doubled over with laughter. Leo insisted, revealing the cross he wore under is tunic around his neck. They laughed even harder, tossed coins in his direction, and swore that this comic prop was even better then the donut stained scratch sheet he once produces when he did that bit about being 'addicted'. The more he insisted, the harder they laughed, catapulting his comedian career while doming his ambitions as a martyr.

In the days that followed, Leo's professing being Christian began to competing with coliseum attendance, creating an ancient version of late night TV wars. No matter what he tried, Leo's proclamations of Christianity were the most outrageous jokes to grace the streets. Not helpful was Leo's new addiction. No longer able to afford comic books, Leo discovered that the images in temples were far more entertaining and enjoyable than kneeing on rice. Perhaps the best joke passed around was him claiming he only went to temples for the art! Even his habit of wearing a white tunic with a red cross only got him the called "The Comic Crusader". (I wonder if Leo invited the T Shirt.) After years of this, Leo realized he would never make martyrdom.

Finally, Leo, now morbidly obese and spiritually devastated, gave in to the priest and converted to Hinduism which required a diet of only vegetable. Perhaps it was the change of diet, but Leo's addictive personality began to withdraw. Not only did he avoid bakeries, and kneeing on rice, but he stopped proclaiming, which destroyed his career as a comedian. In addition, he lost a lot of weight which didn't escape the local military. It occurred to the authorities that Leo was fasting, and probably kneeing on rice in secret. The authorities, who never really enjoyed humor, realized it first. Leo was a Christian!

Crowds gathered at his home when he was arrested, convinced that this was a comic stunt that the government was in on. They roared, rolled, and choked with laughter as Leo loudly protested that he was no longer Christian.