Partenza

Guest Post by Sir Frederick Chook: "Teacup in a Storm: Pocket Squares"

Teacup in a Storm: Pocket Squares, by Sir Frederick Chook
Originally penned upon the 19^th of October, 2006
First appeared in FrillyShirt (www.frillyshirt.org)

Dear Sir Frederick,

I had thought I looked quite smart when I stepped out today, dressed in my one-button suit, trilby and elaborate five-point pocket-handkerchief. I met a conglomerate of merchant bankers, however, who informed me that my kerchief was far too formal for the outfit I was wearing. Is this true, have I made an ass of myself?

Yours sincerely,
Mr Donald Reluctance-Camel,
Pneumatic Home Organ, Nessex

 

Sir Frederick replies:

The answer to your query is suprisingly simple, Donald. The fold of one’s pocket square is always guided by the style of one’s shirt. One should aim toward a shape which, if mapped on a two-dimensional plane, would slot exactly into the shirt’s collar: a point collar thus necessitates a long, sharp fold, while a spread or English collar may require a wider, puffier square. For a wing collar, you will need a square which fills all available space outside of the pocket, with just a single, even corner of fabric tucked in. This is a difficult fashion to master, yes, but rules are rules, and we must occasionally sacrifice the economy of a minor continental nation in order to be properly dressed, else the strata of society would be turned upside-down and servants would take up riding their masters like tiny horses.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sir Frederick Chook is a foppish, transcendentalistic historian who lives variously by his wits, hand to mouth, la vie bohème, and in Melbourne with his wife, Lady Tanah Merah.

When not reading Milton and eating Stilton, he writes, ponders, models, delves into dusty archives, and gads about town. He has dabbled in student radio and in national politics, and is presently studying the ways of the shirt-sleeved archivist. He is a longhair, aspiring to one day be a greybeard. He has, once or twice, been described as “as mad as a bicycle.”

FrillyShirt is a compilation of articles, essays, reviews, photographs, artworks, question-and-answers, promotions, travelogues, diatribes, spirit journeys, cartoons, ululations and celebrations by Sir Frederick, his friends and contributing readers. Irregularly regular features include Teacup in a Storm, an etiquette column, and How to be Lovely, advanced speculations on the aesthetics of the self.

Other topics that pop up include fun things in and around Melbourne, art, nature, history, politics and schnauzers. Sir Frederick’s favorite color is all of them. Enjoy his writing? Drop him a telegram at fredchook@frillyshirt.org.

 

 

If You're Not a Fan of the "Bryony" Facebook Page Yet....

....now is a good time to do so.

Starting today, we will be posting back cover copy, various chapter quotes, and ways to win a free copy of Visage, all in anticipation of our December 1 release day.

In addition, the page contains fun posts relating to Bryony, photos from past events, various artwork, and event information.

So if you've not "fanned" the page yet, do some at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.

 

2012 Witches Night Out Joliet, IL

Ed Calkins Wants to Know: When Will "Bryony" be Translated into French?

Dear MOMI,

I don't mean to nag, but when will Bryony be translated into French?

 

Until it is, I will have no excuse to go to Paris and promote the sport of French Sumo Wrestling, the rules of which I'm sure you've heard me say many times. (Should you need a refresher, I'd be glad to recite them.)

Why this is important?

French Sumo Wrestling its one of the few sports where I still could be a professional, given that no baseball scouts ever saw me throw newspaper and instantly realized that I belonged in the majors (as a pitcher of course).

This oversight has haunted me all my life. It’s affected my cash flow, crippled my desire to break records (such as most strikeouts, lowest era, and most insulting limerick recited to a homerun hitter), and carried a major impact to my wife count.

Naturally, baseball would have never been the same, and my wives would have gotten to march in the ECDP (Ed Calkins Day Parade) with the most attractive, most wealthiest single man in baseball, if not the world. And since as you know being married to me does not prohibit marrying or being married to another man (or men), women would marry me just to attend that event.

To set this right, I need Frenchmen to step up their Sumo game. Frenchmen after Frenchmen must destroy one another in front of cheering French women before one of them, having demolished all others, can credibly claim to be the world's best. Then (undoubtedly) I will be summoned to Paris to set the record straight. If the paycheck is right, it should be the biggest bout since David used his slingshot.

I ask you to attend to this, not for myself, but for the future times, wives, and children yet to be. So one might ask you this question, "Would you have been the most important novelist since the invention of writing had you know the responsibilities it would pour on you?"

It's too late, Denise.

Ruthlessly yours,

French Sumo Great, Ed Calkins.

 

"The Kraken" by Alfred Lord Tennyson (and story links)

The Kraken by Alfred Lord Tennyson (1830)


Below the thunders of the upper deep;
Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides: above him swell
Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumbered and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There hath he lain for ages and will lie
Battening upon huge sea-worms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.


Here is a round-up of my stories that appeared in this week's Herald News:

Woman holding coat drive

Julie Reimer began volunteering at MorningStar Mission in her father's memory. Now she's hosting coat drives combined with holiday parties for the homeless.

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15763460-423/woman-holding-coat-drive.html


Joliet man known for being great cook and "honest to the core"

Jim gardened, cooked, canned, played Santa Claus at holidays and impressed everyone with his generous spirit and integrity.

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15840694-423/joliet-man-known-for-being-great-cook-and-honest-to-the-core.html


Costumed pets invited to pet store fundraiser

Wags to Whiskers blesses pets in several ways. It offers holistic foods, self-bathing stations, and fundraisers for local animal rescues.

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15894486-423/costumed-pets-invited-to-pet-store-fundraiser.html


Witches Night Out aids United Way Agencies

Now in its third year, this costumed twist on Ladies Night Out events raises tens of thousands of dollars each year...and you haven't lived until you've seen a thousand women in witch garb under one roof.

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15899251-423/witches-night-out-aids-united-way-agencies.html


Charge it! JJC converts old pickup to electric

Automotive students take a step into the future by changing a gas-powered vehicle into a battery operated one.

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15290215-423/charge-it-jjc-class-converts-old-pick-up-to-electric.html


Ready to capture a moment

Jenni Kenney Photography blends art wiith candids for a unique result

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/lifestyles/15371771-423/ready-to-capture-a-moment.html





















 

Joliet Junior College Culinary Arts CA-112 Students Wednesday Buffet

Meeet Lori Dodd, Recipe Contributor for "Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from 'Bryony'

Lori Dodd shared "My "World Famous" Potato Salad for Ordinary Days chapter in the official Bryony cookbook: Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony."

All proceeds from the cookbook benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties. Go HERE to learn more about the organization.

To purchase the cookbook, click HERE

To view Lori's recipe on the BryonySeries Sue's Diner page, click HERE

     

   

    1) What do you like to cook?

I love to cook Thanksgiving Dinner – with all the trimmings.

2) Where do you find your recipes?

Usually I make them up or just make a written recipe my own by changing it up.

3) What is your earliest culinary memory?

My mom cooking pork chops and peas for dinner (the only thing she could cook )

4) What is your favorite food and why?

Pot Roast. I think it’s because it represented a “family” dinner; plus I love the meat and potatoes.

5) Is there a food you won’t eat and why?

Sushi, can’t get past the raw fish. But I love the California Rolls.

6) Tell us about your most dramatic kitchen mishap.

I was making a Thanksgiving Dinner with my college roommate a year after we graduated. She had a Betty Crocker cookbook that we were using for the dressing recipe. We put an entire package of celery in her “new food processor” to chop it, but instead it liquefied it. We didn’t have any more celery to hand chop, so we just used the green mush. Actually it tasted very good and moist. I now put my celery in the blender to get the same consistency every year now.

7) Do you own a kitchen tool you never use?

A hand held blender to make smoothies. It’s useless and doesn’t work well at all. The funny thing is, my mother bought me another one because she thought I loved it.

8) Do you like to bake? Why or why not?

Yes, around the holidays especially. I don’t do it very often otherwise.

9) Why is cooking enjoyable for you?

I love to feed people I enjoy being around, the more the merrier. Usually we invite friends who don’t have any local family to join us and make it a huge party during the holidays. That always makes it very special.

10) What’s the best cooking tip you’ve received?

When making homemade country gravy, always mix some of the drippings and flour together first to avoid lumpy gravy.

 

"Bryony" Artist Wednesday

For the last couple of years, Wednesday's has been dedicated to the music of James Onohan, Bryony's pianist and composer.

However, so many talented artists have lent their talents to Bryony, I feel their accomplishments should be spotlighted, too. So Wednesdays, for while at least, will be dedicated to the creative work of the illustrators, photographers, videographers, and yes, even makeup artists and candle makers.

For those of you new to the blog, here is a round up of those that have helped shape the world that is the BryonySeries:

   *  Kathleen R. Van Pelt, illustrator for the novel and cover for the Bryony cookbook: Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony" www.imaginarylinesstudio.com

 

   *  Matt Coundiff, interior illustrator, Bryony cookbook and cover and interior illustrator for Visage, the second novel in the BryonySeries www.athinlinetattoo.com

 

   *  James Onohan, pianist/composer www.jamesonohan.com

 

   *  Stephen James Tuplin, director of video media for Bryony www.echowhitefox.tumblr.com

   *  Josh Siegers of JKS Productions, videographer www.jksproductions.com

 

   *  Serena Diosa, book designer, formatter for Bryony and the cookbook and the author of the Tinkey's Goldfish series. Find The beginning of "Tinkey's Goldfish," children’s book series on Facebook.

 

   *  Heather Frelichowski of Crafty Moms, Inc., costume designer and seamstress

   *  CAL Graphics, Inc., graphic design www.calgraphicsinc.com

 

   *  Kallan Dee Elias, photographer www.kallanstudios.org and www.kallanstudios.com

 

   *  Alby Odum and Heather King (Daniel’s Window), audio book www.danielswindow.com

 

   *  Valerie Burkholder of Valerie's Heavenly Scents www.valeriesheavenlyscents.com

 

Check out their sites; review their work. They are available to help.

 

 

 

 

Guest Post by Sir Frederick Chook: "How to be Lovely: Eveningwear I"

How To Be Lovely: Eveningwear I by Sir Frederick Chook

Penned upon the 21st of February, 2007

First appeared in FrillyShirt (www.frillyshirt.org)

 

A guide to men’s clothes, exploring their artistic facet, their historic, their practical; of interest to gentlemen who wear clothes and women who wear gentlemen’s clothes (a commendable practice.) Those seeking how to tie a bow-tie, whether wide or narrow lapels currently grace the magazines, or which combination of shirt and shoes will avoid attention at a company lunch, already have many avenues available to them. How To Be Lovely will instead address clothing first at a purely aesthetic level, next at the level of historical evolution and symbolic status.

Gents’ formal eveningwear is white tie. This is fairly simple: black tailcoat, black trousers, white waistcoat, white shirt, white bow tie, black shoes. At the start of the twentieth century, the waistcoat could be black instead of white, but this is usually only seen now as part of a uniform (a waiter’s or a musician’s, for instance.) White tie is as formal as it is because it looks good on more or less everybody, big or small, short or tall and most certainly male or female. Don’t let anyone get snooty if you have fun with it: white tie is just what chaps in the early nineteenth century wore everyday for riding around and being windswept on moors, nothing more important. The rules are most certainly to be treated as guidelines. That said, here are the guidelines:

 

The tailcoat is the usual for formalwear: black wool, with covered buttons and black satin facing on the lapels. There are buttons on each side, such as for a double-breasted jacket, but it’s cut to be worn open: good for dancing. Peak lapels are the favourite, though shawl lapels would also suit for a softer, more wonderfully feminine appearance. You can find all sorts of different cuts for tailcoats: wide, narrow, buttons on a diagonal, vertical buttons, four buttons, six buttons, more buttons, big lapels, small lapels, high gorge, low gorge… design your own, if you like! The only important thing is that it looks good. Formal evening trousers are supposed to have two black satin ribbons down the side, while semi-formal trousers have one. This is to show that you’re wealthy enough to purchase and maintain two otherwise useless pairs of trousers. Who gives a Quaker’s? Wear one ribbon, two or three, or wear none and let the sides of your legs be un-shiny.

Formal shirts have a stiff, sometimes quilted ‘bib’ at the front, which is the part which shows out from the waistcoat and looks smart. Detachable collars are a fun and practical touch – you can clean them separately, and choose different shapes and sizes as your fancy strikes. You attach them with small studs – generally a flat edge with a protruding bulb (the flat edge resting against your neck, then shirt, then collar, then bulb) and sometimes unscrewable. A wing collar is the most popular for eveningwear: upright, with the points angled down in front. A straight upright collar works just fine too, and gives a nice vertical line, flattering the body and face. Detachable cuffs are an option, but have been out of popular usage for a while so can be hard to find.

The rules dictate the bow-tie and waistcoat should be cotton, for no particularly good reason. The waistcoats were originally the same black wool as the tailcoat – some king or another probably just tucked the tablecloth into his trousers at dinner and it caught on. Wool, cotton, linen, silk… perhaps a doting uncle could knit you a tie and waistcoat; whatever you like! A particular cut is worn for these evening waistcoats – a low neckline and a shawl collar. Some mass-produced modern waistcoats end the lapels abruptly at the bottom, creating a horizontal line which draws the eye – for some reason – to the navel. Useful if you want to show off your navel, of course. Single- or double-breasted can both look splendid. If you opt for a white waistcoat, the uniform colour will let your tailcoat shape the lines: a more vertical front on your coat, then, will help you appear taller and slimmer.

Your bow-tie can be quite narrow or quite wide, as you like it: some boutiques offer three standard sizes. Instructions for tying are not at all hard to come by, and if you’re worried about looking too stuffy in a bow-tie, recall that the bow knot was first popularised for gents’ cravats by Lord Byron himself, and for a while, bore his name.

Purists demand gold studs for the shirt and waistcoat and gold cufflinks. Or, sometimes, they demand silver. Purists can be remarkably inconsistent. Wear gold, or silver, or exquisite gemstones; just wear whatever looks absolutely smashing. Shoes are traditionally patent leathers or opera pumps: basically, plain shiny black shoes or plain shiny black shoes with a buckle instead of laces. Not hard to find, even for vegans. Other possible accessories include white dress gloves, a black silk top hat (no longer widely produced and a devil to find,) a cane, and an overcoat or opera cloak. If by good fortune you have a collapsible opera hat, this is the ensemble to wear it with. These are all part of the coat-check ritual at the door: given the relative underabundance of coat checks these days, you can take them or leave them.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sir Frederick Chook is a foppish, transcendentalistic historian who lives variously by his wits, hand to mouth, la vie bohème, and in Melbourne with his wife, Lady Tanah Merah.

When not reading Milton and eating Stilton, he writes, ponders, models, delves into dusty archives, and gads about town. He has dabbled in student radio and in national politics, and is presently studying the ways of the shirt-sleeved archivist. He is a longhair, aspiring to one day be a greybeard. He has, once or twice, been described as “as mad as a bicycle.”

FrillyShirt is a compilation of articles, essays, reviews, photographs, artworks, question-and-answers, promotions, travelogues, diatribes, spirit journeys, cartoons, ululations and celebrations by Sir Frederick, his friends and contributing readers. Irregularly regular features include Teacup in a Storm, an etiquette column, and How to be Lovely, advanced speculations on the aesthetics of the self.

Other topics that pop up include fun things in and around Melbourne, art, nature, history, politics and schnauzers. Sir Frederick’s favorite color is all of them. Enjoy his writing? Drop him a telegram at fredchook@frillyshirt.org.

 

Pizza!

As I'm writing this post, I'm eating this terrific, buttery, garlicy, white pizza from 2Fer's in Minooka. A friend suggested this venue to us as a place for Timothy to sing karaoke.

It took a couple of months, but we finally pooled our money and went once, in July, for my birthday celebration. The best part of a pizza joint for karaoke is that Daniel, who's only seventeen, could participate, and Rebekah, who's only eighteen, could finally hear Timothy sing "live" other than in a warehouse while cleaning it.

Currently, four enormous boxes of pizza are sitting on my stove in various stages of "eaten up."
So what's the big deal? We're feasting on pizza tonight because an angel brought it to us, an online angel I've never met.

Last year, when our water heater died a sudden death (right after the warranty expired; dontcha love how that happens?), this woman heard of our plight, found us a terrific deal on a new water heater, and sent a friend 'round our place after hours to install it.

Today, she and I were chatting, innocuously, I thought, when my cavalier attititude toward our various crises alerted her radar, and she began brainstorming options with me. These weren't anything I hadn't considered, but it's always good to give things another review, and her kindness truly warmed me.

So I figured we were just making conversation when she began asking me about my favorite pizza parlors...until she asked for my address and what my family liked to eat. I typed loud objections; she told me to breathe and not to worry about making dinner tonight.

Since it was already mid-afternoon, and I still had two more interviews and a meeting, plus I had to run (literally, long story) to the bank to exchange a money order and then drop off some paperwork at my attorney's office, and then work on three more projects tonight before I pronounce Monday as officially "over," (Did I mention I was particularly stressed since I'd missed my power walk this morning due to monsoon-type thunderstorms?), I decided to quit arguing and accept her generosity.

Now for a little "ha, ha."

I told Daniel to walk with me for a little mother-son bonding time, stressing the fact that I had fifty-five minutes to run to the bank and the attorney's office and to review a press release before my four o'clock interview. He obliged me with a good pace to both places and soon we were trotting back to the house.

As we neared the stoplight at our intersection, I opened my manilla envelope to hand him the money order along with the instructions of how to separate it and where to file each piece. Oh, horror of horrors! The money order was gone.

I literally stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of the sidewalk, threw up my hands, looked into the still overcast and threatening sky and shouted, "Who's side are you on?" Then I checked my phone: 3:40. I spun on my heel and ran back down the sidewalk, looking left and right as I did so.

I spied that lovely piece of paper about halfway back, patiently waiting for me on a thatch of grass. Daniel snatched it up and proclaimed himself keeper of the money order, which was fine by me. Then we ran all the way home. As the journey came to an end, Daniel, with sudden revelation, said, "Hey, you got your work out!"

Maybe God's on my side, after all.

 

The Hat's on the Other Head

At today's signing at A Thin Line Tattoo, a writerly friend stopped to show support and to buy a "purple rose" Bryony soy candle,courtesty of Valerie's Heavenly Scents. Since we're both hat people, we like getting our picture taken together in our hats. She didn't wear a hat that day, but mine perfectly matched her shirt, so we shared!

Irish Piano

Fiftteen Famous Quotes on Creativity

On Fridays I usually post a poem or link to a short story that I've particularly enjoyed. Yesterday, however, I spent most of Friday in Chicago and returned to work and two interviews. When I finally could turn my attention to the blog, the "timing" on it had already switched to Saturday. Too tired to even play with fiction, I decided to turn in early (Well, early for me on Friday).

The notion of "creativity" has been on overriding them in my life the past couple of weeks, so today I'd like to share a link to fifteen super quotes on the creative process. Whatever your creative outlet (all people express creativity in some fashion), may at least one of these quotations resonate with you.

www.twistedsifter.com/2012/03/15-famous-quotes-on-creativity

Kitty Litter Cake, An Unusual Birthday Present, and a Cookbook Giveaway

For a decade, my youngest son Daniel Baran has asked us to make him a kitty litter cake for his birthday, and for ten years my response has been the same: "Ick! No!"

Because we have several cats, scooping multiple litter boxes is a daily project of carrying a large bagful of #$#% outside to the garbage can so, no, a litter box cake served in a real (brand-new, but real) litter box and dished up with a real scoop had little appeal to us.

This year, however, Daniel turned seventeen. We're too broke for presents, and he dislikes most cake. He asked again, and turning him down again seemed most unfair. I relented.

"Only you buy the litter box," I said.

Daniel agreed.

For the unitiated, a kitty litter cake is prepared from several baked cake mixes (white and chocolate), pudding, and green food coloring. Tootsie Rolls are melted, bent, and added to the cake to resemble cat droppings. I told Daniel he could have my share of the feast.

After last Saturday's author fair, we stopped at a grocery store to buy said litter box. Rebekah had seen some there priced for "litteraly" a couple of dollars, perfect for a teen budget. Well, the store must have had a rush on them because Daniel soon came back to car saying, "May I borrow twenty-four dollars?"

"Twenty-four dollars!" I exclaimed. "There's got to be cheaper ones."

"I'll pay you back," Daniel promised.

That didn't feel right to me. I handed him the money and said, "I'll buy the litter box as your birthday present. It's the least I could do for the son that has given me seventeen years of pure joy."

Daniel scampered back inside the store to claim his prize.

That night, still basking in a good mood from a wonderful fair and shaking my head over such an unusual birthday present, I had an idea to extend the fun and give Daniel kudos for being such a good sport. I posted this on Facebook:

 

So tonight I bought my son Daniel a most unusual birthday present. I'm betting no one can guess what it is. However, IF someone does guess it, I will give that savvy individual a free copy of the official "Bryony" cookbook.
To show I am fair, I will offer clues in "Twenty Questions" Q & A style. None of my six children are eligible for this contest.

At first, the guesses were fairly predicatable (a cell phone) and then turned unusual (a flu shot, an ape, a seventeen year old girl). Finally, I tossed out, "Why isn't anyone asking if it's bigger than my breadbox?" and the fun really began.

One hundred and fifty-eight comments later, we had a winner for a free copy of Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony:" Sue Hovanes. She has already received her cookbook (autographed by both Daniel and me) and consented to an interview about the contest and her take on both Bryony and the cookbook.

1) Sue, what made you jump into the game?

"I had just logged on and since I follow your newsfeed, I saw your game going on. I love playing games that make you think, so I jumped in."

2) What did you think when you learned what the gift was?

"That was indeed a strange gift for a seventeen year old boy.

3) You’re already familiar with the Bryony story, having read the book. What did you like/dislike about it, and would you recommend it to others? Why or why not?

"I really like that it was not the typical vampire blood & gore book. I absolutely recommend it to all my "vampire" friends. The only disappointment for me was that a couple of the characters don't have much back story so it takes a bit to figure out how they fit into the story."

4) What do you think of the cookbook so far?

"It's fun to read how the Victorian Era women phrased their recipes. It must have made it hard to share them."

5) Which two recipes were you thinking of trying?

"I want to try Sue's Diner Apple Pudding and Darlene's Pumpkin Roll from Steve & Brian's Thanksgiving Dinner."

6) What’s the most bizarre recipe you’ve encountered in the cookbook so far and why?

" Fish Skin to Clarify Coffee...why?...just EWWWW, fishy coffee!!!"


And finally, Daniel's kitty litter cake!



 

 


















 

Midnight Enchantment- New Original Piano by James Onohan

Guest Post by Sir Frederick Chook: "Storm in a Teacup" Etiquette Advice Column

From: Irving Wellington Tinker (Mrs.)

 Dear Mr. Sir Chook,

How do you do? My husband and I are eager to improve our station in life, and so to avoid embarrassment, we turn to you for advice. We of course attend numerous charity events (confidentially, the cost has proved ruinous) but we remain confused: when “White Tie” is mentioned on an invitation to a charitable ball, is it simply a phrase or must my husband actually wear a white tie with his best tartan suit?

Sir Frederick replies: Yes, I’m afraid he must. Don’t forget that a formal event demands a feather in one’s hat!

From: Brigadier-General Mortimer “Ol’ Jaundiced” Shepstone

Dear Sir,

The British Empire was founded on three things: colonialism, the spinning-jenny, and weak tea. Now it seems ready to be torn down by three things: immorality, tandem bicycles, and plums. I didn’t lose both my legs fighting for Queen and country in the Bovril War so that upstart youths (the criminal classes, I call them) could laugh at me in the street and throw stones at my improbably tall hat. It’s all the fault of those Aesthetes, I tell you – they’re a pack of buggers and Red Anarchists to boot. What’s a good Tory to do?

Sir Frederick replies: Have you considered Dandyism?

From: Mr Gregory Allegory

Dear Sir,

I am a humble though sound-minded tradesman who, through unhappy accident, found himself destitute in London with no resources bar a bank-note for one million pounds. My not insignificant natural skills and talents proved useless in securing me work or accommodation, but the bank-note, despite its obvious impracticality for making any actual purchase, has secured me a comfortable lifestyle and as many fairweather friends as you care to name. I thus write to you to ask – does a red cravat go with a grey frock-suit?

Sir Frederick replies: A fall from grace is inevitable, in order to fully illustrate society’s reverence of price over value. Fasten your wardrobe with a secure padlock until your good name has been restored – if your tailor tries to remove anything, shoot him (avoid the hands).

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sir Frederick Chook is a foppish, transcendentalistic historian who lives variously by his wits, hand to mouth, la vie bohème, and in Melbourne with his wife, Lady Tanah Merah.

When not reading Milton and eating Stilton, he writes, ponders, models, delves into dusty archives, and gads about town. He has dabbled in student radio and in national politics, and is presently studying the ways of the shirt-sleeved archivist. He is a longhair, aspiring to one day be a greybeard. He has, once or twice, been described as “as mad as a bicycle.”

FrillyShirt is a compilation of articles, essays, reviews, photographs, artworks, question-and-answers, promotions, travelogues, diatribes, spirit journeys, cartoons, ululations and celebrations by Sir Frederick, his friends and contributing readers. Irregularly regular features include Teacup in a Storm, an etiquette column, and How to be Lovely, advanced speculations on the aesthetics of the self.

Other topics that pop up include fun things in and around Melbourne, art, nature, history, politics and schnauzers. Sir Frederick’s favorite color is all of them. Enjoy his writing? Have a query for “Storm in a Teacup?” Drop him a telegram at fredchook@frillyshirt.org.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recap of Joliet Public Library Author Fair 2012 (with some very cool art)

Would you believe I started the day by oversleeping, by like a lot?

Friday was a hectic day of crunched deadlines, technology and Internet woes, too many errands, and a packing up of everything required to spend a single night at my mother's house (When you have allergies, take multiple medications, and plan on working, not to mention needing books, props, etc. for an event, strategic packing is necessary. Thank you, Rebekah, for being a terrific personal assistant). Staying there ensured reliable transportation and at least one assistant at the event.

So by the time I had completed every appointment for the day, chit-chatted with my parents, went to dinner (Chinese, courtesy of my mother), made the last of my phone calls, and settled into the computer to check and answer a day's worth of backed up mail, I was nodding off and unable to focus on my remaining assignments.

Still wanting to be productive, I did some fun research for a friend and made what I considered a truly wise decision: I skipped the all-night fiction marathon and went to bed early, with the grand plan of waking up equally early and getting tons of work done.

I was dreaming about being too sick and broke to drive to the store for cat food and sifting through some old cans of tuna in the hopes of finding something suitable for the hungry felines when a knock on the bedroom door and my mother's voice alerted me.

"Denise, are you up yet?"

"Almost," I called back. "Just lying here."

"It's eight-twenty-two."

Eight twenty-two!

I bolted out of bed. Set-up began at nine. No time to even post my Bible verse on Facebook, much less check mail and post my blog. I flew downstairs for some much-needed coffee to shake awake my foggy brain. After a hasty breakfast and a fast shower, we were on our way to the Joliet Public Library.

About forty authors were present that day. Some were writers I had interviewed by phone for Herald News stories so it was awesome to make the rounds and meet them in person. The library staff treated us with so much courtesy and grace (plus a catered lunch), we felt like rock stars.

At some point, Rebekah, donned in purple with matching purple eye shadow and finished with stuffing Sunday inserts, joined us. Taking credit card orders was draining my battery so she hunted for an outlet near our displays and in our full view.

One man stopped to ask me why I wasn't wearing my costume, despite the fact I had on a purple skirt and a very cool gray hat. I sheepishly admitted ruining my satin garments with coffee at an earlier event. My dress designer is remaking it, this time with more Scotchguard.

"You shouldn't be drinking coffee," he said.

Before I began to protest the necessity of my coffee, he added with a grin, "You should be drinking tea. It's more Victorian."

At which point, I picked up a cookbook and flipped to the coffee recipe (clarified with, of all things, fish skins), which got him happily flipping through the pages.

I didn't stray much from my table. My mother toured a few times and told me that each author's books were on display and available for check-out (Bryony was gone by the end of the event, very cool).

In addition, a woman with an Oak Forest-based cable show invited me to appear on her show in December; another invited me to register as a panelist for a major Chicago-area writer's conference in February.

I sold equal copies of Bryony and our official cookbook, Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from 'Bryony,' which is a fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties. Read about the organization HERE; I gave away five free mini Bryony candles to the first five customers.

We have five scents: bryony, purple rose, Lake Munson, Simons Woods, and Sue's Diner. Created by Valerie's Heavenly Scents (See her other products HERE), these candles are a hundred percent soy, burn cleanly, and come in these sizes: 1.5, 4, 6, and 10 ounce sizes.

For now, the candles are available on at Bryony events. For upcoming events, click HERE.

I showed off my Visage art by my friend Christopher Gleason (Read that post HERE) and encouraged customers, onlookers, and passersby to enter for a free drawing of the second book in the BryonySeries when we release it in December.

 

They deposited their raffle tickets (leftover Vamp Fest tickets from last year's launch event, my contribution to going green, or should I say pink?) in a very cool "music box," also created by Christopher Gleason. He stained it to match the frame for the Visage drawing and created the interior mechanism from metal spools, wire, beads, and rusty nails. Check it out!

As traffic wound down, I seized the opportunity to thank some of the library staff for a truly marvelous day. One of the women said the author fair is a great networking opportunity for many writers since many of them find marketing their books much harder than writing them.

"Not everyone is as outgoing as you," she said.

I blinked in surprise.

"But I'm not outgoing," I protested. "I'm very much an introvert."

She gave me a dubious look.

"It's true. I've learned a few social skills. I'm really very quiet."

Beginning next month, the WriteOn writer's group is moving to the Joliet Public Library, and staff is very excited to have us meet there. We then packed up, went home, unpacked, and turned our attention to Daniel's birthday party on the next day and his much-yearned for kitty litter cake.

That project turned into a Facebook game and a cookbook giveaway. Details (and photos) on Thursday's BryonySeries blog.