Saturday, June 2, 2018

Ed Calkins: Professional Blunders

Found this gem from 2013. 

I had to read it a couple of times before I realized this was in response to a recommendation on LinkedIn.

Still, no other supervisor has ever addressed me as "paper goddess," nor handed me the route book for the day on bended knee.

Explanation for those new to this blog. My family used to rise in the middle of the night (like vampires) and deliver thousands of newspapers everyday. I myself used to take out over 900, the highest count of any carrier in the building, at least by the time the newspapers we delivered became outsourced.

Ed Calkins was my supervisor for one of those routes. And, no lie, he dubbed me "paper goddess" because of the volume and handed me the daily route book in the pose he felt was due me. The photo below shows him "recapping" the standard and now infamous routine at a middle-of-the-night book signing for Visage inside the distribution center in December 2012 - except he's handing me a candy cane instead of a route book, still fitting because Ed distributed those all through December, too. In fact, he saved one from December 2017 and presented it to me on Calkins Day 2018.

My face is blurry, the limitations of vintage camera phones, but yeah, it's me. And I still own (and still wear) the same hat and coat.

Ah, paper route days. Fun times!

Dear MOMI,

Perhaps I should read emails before I respond to them but I'm not used to keeping track of the difference between my fantasy and professional (insert of fit of giggles) life. 

I responded to the links that you sent me, not realizing that this might be about something other then my immortality. Be relieved that I did not list my occupation as 'ruthless dictator, steward of Tara, or quality control manager for the "Chicken Ranch". (just got back from Vegas) 

Instead I listed my occupation as "paperboy" and "character in a vampire series," which might not help you if you wish me to recommend you. 

Between you and me, I don't really worry about impressing anyone that hasn't heard of me in a professional context, as I have never been able to find employment by looking for it (I'm not kidding), but I would hate to ruin you career should the book fail to be a best seller. (I've been told that if Oprah doesn't read it, it doesn't sell).

What would you like me to do as far as professional recommendations? I can truthfully say only good things about how you work, but I don't know my wacky ways will help your cause nor my mentioning that I was loosely your boss at your (very) part-time job might not get you the places you'd wish to go. It would not offend me if you insisted on any interview that you have no idea who I am.

Please advise me.

Paperboy in Chief,
                                  you know

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