Lucas

All of life, I think is an opportunity. 

Hold that thought.

Many of my peers have regular contact with their grandchildren and even regularly scheduled times they see them. They spend their days with their grandchildren while their parents work or they keep their grandchildren on the weekends.

I have a lot of grandchildren. And I don't see them in person that often - and certainly not in 2020.

Several reasons play into that. Most of them live in Grundy County, and we have conflicting work and school schedules.

Visiting with some of them is complicated (although it does happen) due to issues between their divorced or otherwise estranged parents.

Most of my step-grandchildren and my oldest grandson live out of state.

Today, I am focusing on that oldest grandson. His name is Lucas and he will start high school in the fall.

Last night while I was on the phone with his mother Sarah, my oldest daughter, he was impatient for her to finish so we could talk. That may not sound earth shattering, but we're talking about a teenage boy itching to chat with his grandma. That relationship happened long distance and it didn't happen overnight.

Here is a photo of us from 2017. He looks way different now and most likely is taller than I am, too.

Even as a baby and toddler, Lucas was strong-willed and very independent, with a bit of attitude mixed into that, so building that relationship wasn't easy, especially considering he lived far away, and neither his family nor mine had the resources for visiting.

He was still pretty young when Sarah helped me launch the BryonySeries, but he was super proud of it and liked to tell people I was an author. He also dressed up very nicely at our launch, which was a fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.

He created and sent me a card about vampires and made up and recorded a song on a special app that went away - so the song did, too.

The first year I could afford to visit him was 2015. He tried to establish his dominance from the start (which failed), but his "attitude" persisted, so finding positive ways to bond was challenging was that first year. 

But we had them.

You can see glimpses of his personality here.

But we also had some great building blocks, too. You should have seen the look on stunned surprise his face when I spontaneously bought a video game he wanted. Just because I was the grandmother and could. Just so Lucas knew I was whole-heartedly in his corner.

Or the way he wrestled with the Pop-Tarts.

But my favorite video is the one I took of him the following year when we spent a day at the ocean. I was sitting on the sand before we left, just watching him, and decided to capture that moment on my phone, realizing how different he'd be the following year - which he was.

I called it, "On the Brink of Fourth Grade."

That fall, I decided to become pen pals with my grandchildren. Each month, I sent a littele note or little surprise (stickets, coloring pages, small toys, etc.) in the mail to help establish us as grand,mother/grandchildren.

And, occasionally, the grandkids, Lucas, too, wrote back to me.

You saw the photo from 2017.

In 2018, plane fare soared, and I stayed home. But that January, for old Calendar Christmas on January 7th, I gave my grandkids a Christmas present of experience: we made bread bears together.

Lucas made his remotely. We shared pictures with each other on a private social media page I started for the grandkids - because it's important for them to bond, too.

The last trip was 2019. We arrrived at 1 a.m. and he greeted me in a deep voice and open arms.

We had reached the turning point.

That week, Lucas spent a good portion of it camping with his father. My daughters and I spent a day at the campground, too, swimming, cooking out, etc.

When the time came to start the food, my daughters encouraged me to stay in the water (my favorite place to be), while they did the cooking, and Lucas offered "to keep an eye on me."

We swam back and forth for an hour, just talking about stuff. It was the best time, and I could never have dreamed at the time that the following year we'd be in the middle of a world-wide pandemic.

Social media helps. He sends quick texts and photos on Snapchat (his bitmoji wears a crown and sunglasses because Lucas is still Lucas).

And last night, he interrupted Sarah a couple times on the phone because he wanted to talk. When his turn came, I carried the conversation for a while because he didn't have a particular subject in mind. He just wanted the connection, although he didn't say that.

So we talked about his return to soccer and the weapons he likes to make from branches in the woods. We talked video games (I find them boring and don't play them) and why I prefer writing.

But he actually verbalized his enjoyment of games (no revelatios) and suggested an RPG version I might like (Fable?) - with the offer of teaching me how to play it the next time I make it to his house. 

By suggesting a one-player, role playing game with a highly developed story line tells me that Lucas has paid attention to my own interests, too.

Yes, a thirteen-year-old boy.

We also talked about another family member he likes to tease. And I shared with him some insight that this person actually doesn't like the teasing, which he didn't know. We talked about ways to be supportive instead without losing that bond.

I cut the conversation short after thirty minutes because I needed a little down time before getting ready bed. He didn't understand that at first. So I explained it, and he got it. His body, he said, gets tried before his mind does. And it can take him a long time to fall asleep. I understand, which is why I need the down time. My mind won't shut off otherwise.

Back to "all of life is oppportunity."

I didn't build a daily or weekly bond with Lucas. In fact, only babysat him for one afternoon many years ago, and we worked on his math, which wasn't fun for him.

I've only visited him in person four times. Just once in that time period has he come to Joliet - for Rebekah's college graduation.

Now I could have chosen to focus on what I didn't have. Or I could choose to focus on the opportunities for building a lifelong relationship. Because although time with grandhildren is important when they're young, they won't be young for long.

Those grandchildren will spend most of their lives as adults. And we will relate to them for most of our lives as one adult to another, which is important to remember. 

The next time I see Lucas, he won't be on the brink of fourth grade anymore. He will be on the brink of manhood.

And I couldn't be more proud of him.