Dear MOMI,
There are two ways to join the Irish Vampires Association (IVA).
The first way is the simplest.
1) You can think you're Ed Calkins, and thus the spokeman for the Irish Vampires Association.
2) You don't have to think you're a vampire, but you do have to think you're Irish and have a fondness and dedication to the Irish Vampire cause.
You must think that you should be a member, mention this to no one, pay what dues you think you should, and hold what office you think you should hold. What ever dues you pay are the budget for your office, so spend it wisely.
Also you must dislike any people you think an Irish Vampire would dislike, and think badly of them as a result.
Image the power of such a secretive structure! Few are foolish enough to cross the IVA.
For example, there was a flint dealer named Ug some 10,000 year ago that insulted the IVA. In retaliation, its members decided his daughter was unattractive. Poor Ug!
Not only did his daughter Lee remain unmarried (and thus childless; it was a simpler time), but to this day when any sight is deemed visually unappealing, the memory of Ug's Lee is mentioned.
P.S. If you are an IVA member and your department is under budget, you could send the excess to Ed Calkins.
Ruthlessly yours,
Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara
(Originally posted Saturday, June 18, 2011)
There are two ways to join the Irish Vampires Association (IVA).
The first way is the simplest.
1) You can think you're Ed Calkins, and thus the spokeman for the Irish Vampires Association.
2) You don't have to think you're a vampire, but you do have to think you're Irish and have a fondness and dedication to the Irish Vampire cause.
You must think that you should be a member, mention this to no one, pay what dues you think you should, and hold what office you think you should hold. What ever dues you pay are the budget for your office, so spend it wisely.
Also you must dislike any people you think an Irish Vampire would dislike, and think badly of them as a result.
Image the power of such a secretive structure! Few are foolish enough to cross the IVA.
For example, there was a flint dealer named Ug some 10,000 year ago that insulted the IVA. In retaliation, its members decided his daughter was unattractive. Poor Ug!
Not only did his daughter Lee remain unmarried (and thus childless; it was a simpler time), but to this day when any sight is deemed visually unappealing, the memory of Ug's Lee is mentioned.
P.S. If you are an IVA member and your department is under budget, you could send the excess to Ed Calkins.
Ruthlessly yours,
Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara
(Originally posted Saturday, June 18, 2011)
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