Justice

By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara

In Bryony, when Melissa first meets Ed, he shares with her the secret to his ruthless reputation: enemy conquest through limericks. Below, the steward offers an example of his approach.


While doing his route in a van, a newspaper carrier, Howard, was attacked with a baseball bat. Although the van was filled with newspapers, it's believed the thief's intentions was to steal the vehicle. Howard was completely unarmed; he knew that he had a route to complete.

Although much older than the delinquent assaulting him, Howard resisted and was able to maintain possession of his van, even after taking a hit to his sternum and ribs. Though the strike of the bat probably broke some ribs (Howard doesn't know for sure, because he doesn't have medical insurance) he finished the route without a single complaint.

This cowardly act should not go unpunished!

I call upon all who read this to think badly about the thief with a baseball bat. Don't hold back in your negative thoughts towards this truant. As for the heroics Howard, now known as Howard the Brave, I have composed this limerick.

You and I would've probably just ran
Told the thief "take the papers and van."
But Howard our hero,
Whose complaints number zero
Faced the thung with the bat like a man.

I invite all of you to let justice be done. Send this would be robber down through timeless infamy for this cowardly act. If you are so outraged as I am, compose a limerick immortalizing this delinquent's cowardice. Posted on the it on the Internet or write it on the bathroom walls, but let the rhyming and meter become immortal.

One hundred years from now, an ancestor Howard the Brave need only mention that he is such in any bar and he will be rendered free beer. All descendents of the other one will have to bear the shame.