Thursday, September 30, 2021
Wednesday, September 29, 2021
Tuesday, September 28, 2021
Monday, September 27, 2021
Infirmery Weekend
The festivities started with a trip to the ER for me at eleven o'clock on Saturday night, getting into bed a couple of hours before dawn for a nap, and then off to the dentist with Daniel for our regularly scheduled appointments.
We had the post-dentist festivities of running around for medicine, which, on Monday morning, appears to have started doing its job. But it's making me super sleepy, so hopefully I'll just need one week of it. Still, it makes for a challenging work week. Wish me luck!
Rebekah, who is recovering from gall bladder surgery, goes back to work today. Fortunately, she does work from home. She is feeling better but not completely. Wish her luck, too!
Timothy and Daniel biked twenty miles yesterday as part of an event to raise money for diabetes, and about halfway into the ride Daniel's handlebars came apart. The boys reassmbled them as best as they could. The rest of the biking was difficult for him, but he finished the twenty miles and came home super, super sore (he is better this morning - wish him luck).
On the other hand, Timothy is taking a week of vacation this week. Wish him luck for a boring, uneventful week.
Finally, to make sure the weekend didn't end on a boring note, Sarah had to take my mother to the ER last night and had to bring my father along for the ride because he has early Alzheimer's.
But because of COVID, they could not stay. So Sarah went back to my parents' house with my dad to wait for a call from the hospital. By eleven o'clock at night, the hospital was considering admitting my mother. Thirty minutes later, Sarah and my dad were on the road because the hospital had no beds.
So while this post may sound like a gripe, I hope you see the blessings between the lines.
Blessings of modern medicine and the people who provide those services and care.
Blessings of adult children who have their priorities in place and give of their time for others.
It's a great Monday morning.
Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."
Friday, September 24, 2021
Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, Sept. 18 through Sept. 24
Good morning!
Despite having worked just four days this week, I have eleven stories to share with you today and a few not yet posted, so watch for them over the long weekend.
The final three parts of the six-part series about the finding of the remains of a World War II Army veteran and bringing them home for burial more than seven decades after he went missing posted this past week and those are part of the eleven.
You can also read all six installments here.
For a recap of last weeks at-home writing retreat, read this post.
Here is a recap of projects-in-progress on the fiction front and my goals for this weekend.
I'll reconnect with Call of the Siren (the second book in the Limbo series) tonight by reading through last week's work. And then I'll start working, in a very upu close and granular way, on all the areas I've sectioned off. I have no timetable for getting this done because this is where the quality of the writing counts.
We have two books in progress for The Adventures of Cornell Dyer series to share (Cornell Dyer and the "Mistical" Being, co-written by Rebekah, who is recovering from surgery) and Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones (co-written by Timothy), which is almost ready for editing.
Our artist Sue Midlock is nearly done with the chapter heading illustrations for "Mistical Being." Sue is still experiencing some issues from her surgery in June, so the art is coming along slowly. Please keep the good thoughts/prayers coming for Sue.
Timothy is currently outlining another Cornell Dyer story. This one is another parody and features a character named Sherman Homes.
A few weeks back, Sarah had a crazy dream that sounded perfect for An Adventure of Cornell Dyer mystery. But she wants time to draw some sketches, a map, and write the "rules." It's called Cornell Dyer and the House of Broken Portals.
Bertrand the Mouse has returned, and you can read about it here, here, and here.
Jennifer Wainright (frontispiece artist for Lycanthropic Summer) has completed two portraits for "Girls of the BryonySeries" series for tween girls. It's beautiful and it shows that artist Jennifer Wainright can draw anything from werewolves to portraits!
She was working on art for the third book (I have eight planned in all and two in progress). Jennifer is also recovering from a motorcyle accident, so please send up good thoughts for her, too!
Now back to the eleven stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!
But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -
Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.
And have a great Friday!
RECIPE OF THE WEEK
Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.
Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.
Check out the recipe here.
WRITERS
If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.
Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.
BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.
And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.
BRYONYSERIES BOOKS
For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.
BRYONYSERIES EVENTS
A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.
QUESTIONS
Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.
FEATURES
The final three parts of "Arthur Countryman"
Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."
Thursday, September 23, 2021
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
Arthur Countryman
Over the summer, I worked on a story for The Herald-News about how the remains of a thirty-seven-year-old World War II veteran named Arthur Countryman were recovered more than seven decades after Arthur was killed in service.
The story shares insights into his childhood in Plainfield, the memories his children had of him when they were growing up (two of them are still alive), their memories of his departure and learning he was killed, the news of recovery and how he was found and identified, and his coming home to be buried near his wife.
Because of the story's length, The Herald-News ran the story in installments. All six installments of the story posted while I was taking an at-home writing retreat last week and while Rebekah was having surgery. For your convenience, here are all six links.
Tuesday, September 21, 2021
2021 At-Home Writing Retreat No. 1 Recap
Late yesterday afternoon, I officially ended my first at-home writing retreat of 2021 (I had vacation time to use and no place to go, thank you, COVID).
I will take a second retreat, hopefully next month, as I still have vacation time I must use before the end of the year.
Here was my goal: to turn my outlined, very rough draft of Call of the Siren (the second book in the Limbo trilogy) into a solid working draft that I can shape, revise, and edit.
Here is its back cover summary:
Sue Bass is haunted by dreams of her father, who died in a boating accident before she was born, alluring dreams of water and song. But then a soft-spoken outside man with an inside plan comes to town, and Sue's sleepwalking stops, only to resurface with greater magnetism when he leaves.
Two voices beckon. Which one will she heed?
I divided half of the novel into sections for each day, to keep me on track. I'll do the same with the other half of the novel during the second retreat.
Basically, I wrote at a rate of two chapters per day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Rebekah had surgery on Thursday, so I took Thursday off to focus solely on her.
And then Cindy came down Thursday night and gave Rebekah her personal CNA attention until she had to return to work early on Sunday morning, which meant Rebekah could hang out with someone more fun than her mom.
Well, how did I do?
Very well, actually. And very happy to return to work.
I hit every goal.
Now some chapters were not quite as detailed as I wanted them to be. And some are actually nearly finished. Furthermore, I accomplished some additional, but related, projects, too, that weren't on my homework list.
I created granular sections of more "homework" in all the chapters, for focused work on the weekends.
I started a checkpoint list for editing, for when I reach that stage.
I worked out some major issues with mood, plot, writing style, and "music" that only the protagnoist hears.
This last one was the most challenging part of the manuscript. Too much detail for the reader and then the music ceases to be an elusive, mystical, magical sound. But I found a way to (hopefully) foster the ability for the reader to "hear" it, but not exactly "hear" it - a sense of it, but always out of grasp.
Make sense? No? Well, then you can imagine how difficult it was for me to portray it.
And if it does make sense, you're in for a treat.
I also put together a pretty detailed plan for the artwork, as well (I already have the cover, courtesy of Nancy Calkins).
I did engage more with the family than I had originally planned, but I think that made the retreat more focused, less frustrating, and one of the most pleasant at-home retreat experiences I've enjoyed.
An amazing calm settled over me on Saturday night, knowing that, creatively, I'd hit all the right notes.
Don't get me wrong. The manuscript is still a mess. But it's less of a mess. It's more of an organized mess, and it's organized in the direction it needs to go.
And, yes. I drank lots of coffee (and Timothy kept me well stocked in Dunkin Americanos).
And I burned lots of incense. Still have to clean that up.
So if the week was so wonderful, why am I ready to return to work?
Well, because, as delightful as it sounds to live in an imaginary world, being creative on that level is hard, hard work, although a different type of hard work than my role as features editor/writer for The Herald-News.
Also, my fiction wanders in dark and murky areas. One week steeped in that environment is long enough, at least for me.
I'm glad, grateful even, that writing fiction is a weekend project on the hobby side of life and not part of my daily life, where I write for the community and try to serve my family and friends well.
Now you're probably wondering: what did Uncle Barty and Bertrand the Mouse do all this time?
That's a whole other post.
For tomorrow.
Monday, September 20, 2021
Sue's Diner: Fried Potatoes
This week's recipe features an unusual twist for fried potatoes. A former daughter-in-law submitted it a decade ago when we were collecting recipes for a companion cookbook prior to the release of the first book in the BryonySeries.
This recipe appears in the BryonySeries cookbook: Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony," which is a permament fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.
You can try our modified recipe on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.
But try the recipe this week. It will be gone some time next week. A new recipe will take it's place.
Here is the full diner page: bryonyseries.com/sue-s-diner. You can't really order, of course (wouldn't it be great if you could?).
For more BryonySeries recipes, check out our three cookbooks at our BryonySeries bryonyseries.com/general-store.
Sunday, September 19, 2021
Saturday, September 18, 2021
Friday, September 17, 2021
Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, Sept. 11 through Sept. 17
Good morning!
I have seventeen stories to share with you today and a few not yet posted, so watch for them over the long weekend.
How can that be since I was all off week? Well, one six-part series about the finding of the remains of a World War II Army veteran and bringing them home for burial more than seven decades after he went missing is the result of work done over several weeks. I also worked last weekend and, of course, wrote some stories.
Finally, some stories didn't run until this week.
On the fiction front, how is the at-home writing retreat progressing? Actually, I'm almost right on schedule.
The goal is to write a good working draft of half of Call of the Siren (the second book in the Limbo trilogy) during this retreat and then write a good working draft of the second half.
I'm currently ahead by one chapter, although the chapters are less developed than I'd wished, which was probably a little too ambitious for a two-chapter-per-day plan.
However, the future work in these chapters is clearly and directly marked, which will make the follow-ups easier than the process up until now.
And I've done some additional side notes and work on these chapters that I hadn't anticipated happening. So keep the good thoughts coming, because it's a very successful writing retreat so far - and it doesn't end until later Monday afternoon.
We have two books in progress for The Adventures of Cornell Dyer series to share (Cornell Dyer and the "Mistical" Being, co-written by Rebekah, who had surgery yesterday) and Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones (co-written by Timothy), which is almost ready for editing.
Our artist Sue Midlock is nearly done with the chapter heading illustrations for "Mistical Being." Sue is recovering nicely now from her own surgery at the start of summer but may have another issue, ugh! So please keep the good thoughts coming.
Timothy is currently outlining another Cornell Dyer story. This one is another parody and features a character named Sherman Homes.
A few weeks back, Sarah had a crazy dream that sounded perfect for An Adventure of Cornell Dyer mystery. But she wants time to draw some sketches, a map, and write the "rules." It's called Cornell Dyer and the House of Broken Portals.
Bertrand the Mouse has returned, and you can read about it here, here, and here.
Jennifer Wainright (frontispiece artist for Lycanthropic Summer) has completed two portraits for "Girls of the BryonySeries" series for tween girls. It's beautiful and it shows that artist Jennifer Wainright can draw anything from werewolves to portraits!
She was working on art for the third book (I have eight planned in all and two in progress). Jennifer is also recovering from a motorcyle accident, so please send up good thoughts for her, too!
Now back to the seventeen stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!
But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -
Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.
And have a great Friday!
RECIPE OF THE WEEK
Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.
Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.
Check out the recipe here.
WRITERS
If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.
Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.
BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.
And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.
BRYONYSERIES BOOKS
For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.
BRYONYSERIES EVENTS
A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.
QUESTIONS
Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.
FEATURES
Man dies of apparent gunshot wound: Autopsy scheduled for Sunday
Pets of the Week: Sept. 13: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption
Foster, Newman visit Will-Grundy Medical Clinic: Visits included tour of facility, reception
The first three parts of a six-part story:
Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."
Thursday, September 16, 2021
Wednesday, September 15, 2021
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
Monday, September 13, 2021
The Anatomy of an At-Home Writing Retreat
Since I've used zero vacation time all year and vacation time doessn't carry over inot the next calendar year, I've decided to schedule a couple at-home writing retreats.
The first begins shortly.
If this sounds like fun, please know it only "sounds like fun." I've done a few of these now (thank you, finances (2018) and COVID (2020 and 2021), and they are intense and grueling.
The goal is to turn my outlined, very rough draft of Call of the Siren into a solid working draft that I can shape, revise, and edit. I have my "homework" divided into sections for each day, to keep me on track.
Wish me lots of luck (I'm going to need it).
Here's what an at-home, writing retreat typically looks like for me:
Sunday night: OMG, I'm so I excited! A whole week of writing a world of make-believe. I've got coffee. I've got inspiration. Here we go!
Monday: Well, I didn't get quite as much done as I wanted. But I've got most of the week left. I can make up for it.
Tuesday: Mind roams, not as focused. Underestimated the amount of research I needed on "x" topic. Get pulled down a rabbit hole of one unrelated click after another. Forgot to post Bertrand on Instagram, so get distracted by that. Didn't meet goal. Don't care as much as I did yesterday.
Wednesday: I hate writing. I hate coffee. I hate fiction. This writing retreat is stupid. I need a vacation. I can't wait to go back to work.
Thursday: The time pressure is on. Sprint writing.
Friday: Marathon writing. Skimming over more details than I want. Will have plenty of extra work in the revision stages because of it.
Saturday: Becoming resigned that my goal was too lofty. Get a realistic amount of writing done and set some goals for Sunday and the following weekend.
Sunday: Distracted writing. Pushing the undone work to next weekend. Mind roaming to the features writing I'll be doing on Monday. Checking some work email.
Now this week will have some variations.
For instance, I have today off because I worked the weekend, so my actualy vacation time doesn't start until tomorrow. So I took next Wednesday off, too.
And I'm giving myself a break on Thursday because Rebekah is having surgery. So anything post-Thursday might look different, too.
One clarifcation: by "break," I meant break from Call of the Siren. I will have my laptop with me at the hospital finishing up Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones.
Again, please wish me plenty of luck.
Sunday, September 12, 2021
Saturday, September 11, 2021
Friday, September 10, 2021
Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, Sept. 4 through Sept. 10
Good morning!
I have sixteen stories to share with you today and quite a few not yet posted, so watch for them over the long weekend.
Quite a bit has changed on the fiction front, so here is a quick recap.
First of all, I am working straight through the weekend, and I am excited and honored since it is the twentieth anniversary of 9/11 tomorrow. I've also been working on a big piece that will run tomorrow, too, and I'm thankful I was asked to write it.
And then, after I clock out from work on Sunday, an intense week of "other" writing will begin.
Thanks to COVID (again), I did not make it down to Raleigh (again) this summer to see Sarah. So I am using some of my vacation time to take two at-home writing retreats. The first one starts on Monday - barring any emergencies, for it's been a year of them, it seems.
The goal is to write a good working draft of half of Call of the Siren (the second book in the Limbo trilogy) during this retreat and then write a good working draft of the second half.
Please send lots of good thoughts because this is not as fun as it sounds.
We have another book in The Adventures of Cornell Dyer series to share (Cornell Dyer and the "Mistical" Being, co-written by Rebekah, who also needs surgery now). Our artist Sue Midlock is nearly done with the chapter heading illustrations.
Sue is recovering nicely now from that surgery but may have another issue, ugh! So please keep the good thoughts coming.
I finished most of Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones over Labor Day weekend. So when Sue is done with the art for "Mistical Being," we will send her the next round of ideas.
Timothy is currently outlining another Cornell Dyer story. This one is another parody and features a character named Sherman Homes.
A few weeks back, Sarah had a crazy dream that sounded perfect for An Adventure of Cornell Dyer mystery. But she wants time to draw some sketches, a map, and write the "rules." It's called Cornell Dyer and the House of Broken Portals.
Bertrand the Mouse has returned, and you can read about it here, here, and here.
I also have in my possession the first piece of completed cover art for the "Girls of the BryonySeries" series for tween girls. It's beautiful and it shows that artist Jennifer Wainright can draw anything from werewolves to portraits! She was working on art for the next two books (I have eight planned in all) - until she was in a bad motorcycle accident. Please send up good thoughts for her, too!
I have one "Girls of the BryonySeries" book ready for editing, a second in progress, and some really skeletal outlines for the rest. So I'm not lacking in projects, just time - but I have three days this weekend and intend to make good use of them.
Now back to the sixteen stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!
But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -
Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.
And have a great Friday!
RECIPE OF THE WEEK
Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.
Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.
Check out the recipe here.
WRITERS
If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.
Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.
BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.
And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.
BRYONYSERIES BOOKS
For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.
BRYONYSERIES EVENTS
A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.
QUESTIONS
Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.
FEATURES
Baran-Unland: COVID is still here. Be mindful this Labor Day weekend: Mask up, step back, be safe
Pets of the Week: Sept. 7: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption
Joliet Public Library hosting a blues concert on Saturday - and a special offer for new patrons
Tornado warning for Will County
Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."
Thursday, September 9, 2021
Sue's Diner: Italian Herb Monkey Bread with Garlic Olive Oil
This week's recipe is called "Italian Herb Monkey Bread with Garlic Olive Oil" and my daughter Sarah Stegall created it
This recipe appears in the BryonySeries cookbook: Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony," which is a permament fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.
You can try our modified recipe on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.
But try the recipe this week. It will be gone some time next week. A new recipe will take it's place.
Here is the full diner page: bryonyseries.com/sue-s-diner. You can't really order, of course (wouldn't it be great if you could?).
For more BryonySeries recipes, check out our three cookbooks at our BryonySeries bryonyseries.com/general-store.
Wednesday, September 8, 2021
Tuesday, September 7, 2021
Post-Labor Day Reflection
For those who just came off a long weekend - it felt good to take time off, didn't it?
For those who worked through the weekend - I hope you get time off soon, too.
For all of us: please remember that every convenience we enjoy is the result of someone else's work.
Every single one.
We are so blessed, aren't we?
And, yes, Christmas is just around the corner...
Monday, September 6, 2021
Sunday, September 5, 2021
Saturday, September 4, 2021
Midnight Apprentice
In honor of Labor Day, I'm sharing an excerpt from the BryonySeries novel Staked! that gives a slightly (emphasis on the "slightly") exaggerated look at the what delivering newspapers seven days a week in the middle of the night looks like.
With more and more publications making the transition to web only, this excerpt gives you a rare look at an entire industry that will someday be no more, an industry in which my entire family and I used to work.
What makes this piece especially fun is that the main character, John-Peter Simotes, is completely fictional, and his "Uncle Ed" is not.
For the back story of how that actually came to be, check out my Calkins Day Address from 2020.
John-Peter wearily pulled the pallet jack down the row of hastily assembled plywood work tables in the large warehouse, neatly dodging the zombie-like carrier pushing a shopping cart of newspapers toward an exit to load into vehicles. Despite the service doors opening into the night, the air hung heavy and lifeless with the overwhelming heat and humidity the building effectively trapped by day. It had been a long, laborious week, not one filled with the reading and relaxation.
At the
dinner table Monday night, Kellen had unveiled a list of chores for John-Peter
to complete that week at the Happy Hunting Grounds funeral home because
Kellen’s secretary was on vacation. None of the tasks were difficult, only time
consuming. John-Peter had spent the last three days filing and running brochure
orders to and from the local printer, as well as tearing apart and cleaning the
display cases before refilling them with souvenirs and then carefully dusting
the enormous picture of Agnes Scofield, the first client of Happy Hunting
Grounds. Kellen had once told John-Peter that Agnes, a ninety-three year old
resident of Jenson Nursing home, had given Kellen the permission of feasting on
her blood in exchange for being forever immortalized as "the first."
Tomorrow,
John-Peter would return to
“Hey,
John-Peter!” a large, burly man called from across the aisle. “I didn’t get my Thornton Times!”
“Count?”
The man
stretched his tight and faded blue T-shirt over his hefty belly, trying to
cover the last inch of skin and failing. “Thirteen.”
John-Peter
handed them to the man who belched in reply. He couldn’t blame the carrier, or
any of the other drivers, for being grouchy tonight. Their boss, Joe Reece, had
tucked a policy change into their paycheck envelopes stipulating that only a
certain number and colors of bags would be distributed. If carriers required
more than that amount, the cost would be deducted from the next week’s pay.
That move
prompted Uncle Ed to express his displeasure with a limerick:
There
once was a cheap boss named Reece
Whose supplies to carriers decreased
When
the carriers cried, “Foul!”
Reece
spat as he howled,
“I’ll
make you share one sleeve apiece!”
“Someday,”
Ed said, leaning close to John-Peter and dropping his voice, “people will refer
to cheap acts as ‘doing a Reece.’”
No negative
situation existed where Uncle Ed could not compose an appropriate limerick.
“The
limerick is the most superior kind of poem,” Uncle Ed had often him. “Not only
can people pronounce it, they can remember it and it flows freely from the
tongue. This sort of poetry works in two ways. The words I say create fear in
others, fear of how they will be remembered. This fear then promotes a
willingness in your enemy to compromise, to confront you in more friendly
terms, or maybe to ally with you.”
But if Joe Reece, or anyone else for that
matter, cowered in terror before Ed Calkins, he never showed it. Even the
carriers themselves rarely expressed the respect and appreciation John-Peter
felt was due Ed for his hard work.
Ed printed
and sorted route books, oversaw the unloading and distribution of entire
truckloads of products, including bag shipments and fifteen different publications
totaling over ten thousand newspapers. In addition, Ed fielded complaints,
dispensed bags, retrieved and carried garbage to the dumpsters, and swept the
warehouse. This was in addition to his regular, carrier responsibilities. Ed
delivered newspapers to the outlying and remote areas no driver wanted to
touch, including Munsonville.
On school
days, if John-Peter rose early, he'd grab a jug of water and sprint barefoot
down to Main Street under the early morning sun, just in time to catch Ed
Calkins filling the newspaper boxes outside Sue’s Diner. If Ed had a few
minutes to spare, which he always seemed to have, he'd share an Irish joke,
adjust John-Peter’s leprechaun, and point to John-Peter’s watch.
“Bet you can’t say ‘Irish wristwatch’ ten
times.”
And
John-Peter could, every time.
“John-Peter, if you want to make an
Irishman laugh on a Monday, tell him a joke on a Friday.”
“John-Peter,
while at the wake of his atheist friend, the Irishman said, ‘Poor lad. All
dressed up with no place to go.'"
“John-Peter,
do you know it takes four Irishmen to change a light bulb? One removes it from
the socket and the other three remark, ‘What a grand, old light bulb it was!’”
If Ed was
running late, he’d acknowledge John-Peter’s existence with a jovial nod before
he dropped the bundles at the machine, fully expecting John-Peter to fill them.
John-Peter,
of course, always did. He understood newspaper deadlines. He had grown up with
them. His father, Professor Simotes, not Kellen, had delivered a country route
under Uncle Ed’s authority. John-Peter not only accompanied John on the route,
he helped prepare the papers for delivery and consulted the route book when his
father had a question about the location of an obscure address, a delivery
instruction or code, or which combination of publications a particular customer
might receive.
The
problem? John-Peter did not remember any of it.
He had been
too young, a tender twenty months of age when the professor had died. His
memories of the newspaper business centered around Uncle Ed, who was not really
his uncle, but a man who had been a good friend, as well as the boss, of John
Simotes.
Ed
seriously undertook his news agency responsibilities, even referring to himself
as a “ruthless dictator” who expected compliance within his ranks, although he
rarely obtained it. The carriers snatched extra newspapers from the pallets,
invented excuses for customer complaints, and stole inserts, hooks, and bags
from each other’s stations. Never did one week pass without a carrier calling
Ed with a crisis of why he could not deliver his route that night, and could Ed
please do it?
And of
course Ed did, while hard at work composing a penalty limerick, which that said
carrier would hear upon walking in the warehouse door the following night.
However, Ed did not limit his control tactics to mere verse. No new carrier
slipped through the ranks without at least one request to sign Ed Calkins’
petition. Ed’s birthday fell between Abraham Lincoln’s birthday and Valentine’s
Day, a fact significant enough, Ed felt, to warrant a three-day national
holiday.
“The time
will come when everyone around the world will eagerly anticipate the Ed Calkins
Day parade,” Ed always said, beaming, as he pressed both paper and pen into the
hesitant carrier’s hands.
In the
meantime, Ed himself offered the joys and excitement of his parade to the elite
crowd fortunate enough to deliver newspapers in the middle of the night from
the Jenson warehouse.
For as long
as John-Peter could remember, he celebrated each February thirteen watching a
carrier pull Uncle Ed through the building on the pallet jack, one John-Peter
had decorated with green streamers and balloons for the occasion, while an
exuberant Ed waved to his constituents with one hand and tossed bite-sized,
wrapped pieces of candies from the other one toward the work stations.
So although
John-Peter had no time to read the diary this past week, he could and he did
spend much time reflecting upon what he had read as he busied himself with his
required duties.
Had Grandma
Marchellis really lived part of her life inside
“John-Peter! Where’s my Detroit Daily News?”
“In
transport.”
“Late again?”
“Afraid so,
Dave.”
John-Peter
dragged the jack back to the dock. He had nothing left to disperse until the
final truck arrived for the night. He closed his fingers around the leprechaun
before heading toward Uncle Ed’s work station.
With
lightening speed, Ed bagged the Jenson
Reporters for a carrier who took his year old daughter to the emergency
room last night. Eyes down at his work, Ed said to John-Peter, “Stuff all the
papers for Munsonville, and bundle my papers for Sue’s Diner.”
John-Peter refilled his jug from the water
fountain and then went in search of an empty grocery cart. He found one
overturned near Joe’s office, in front of the rusted, dented metal shelves
holding back issues of the previous week’s publications. The cart worked better
than he had guessed. Its handle only slightly wiggled and three of the wheels
actually rolled.
He stacked
the newspapers from Ed’s work area into the cart and dragged the load to the
strapping machine. Three other carriers stood in line to belt their store
drops. One short, round woman fidgeted with growing impatience.
“Hurry it
up, Kurt. You’re not the only dang carrier in this building.”
But Kurt
ignored her and continued strapping bundles with a steady pace. Soon the
metered beep-beep of a truck’s back-up alarm broke into the carriers’ low,
rumbling chatter.
“’Bout
time,” groused a tall, thin man as he scratched under his scraggly, bronze
beard. “Gotta go to work this mornin’. Boss said if I’m late again he’ll can
me.”
John-Peter
wondered if John Simons ever paid that promised visit to Grandma Marchellis. If
he did, John-Peter doubted the musician entered through the front door. He
believed the story of the magic music box. He might even have seen it.
Ed tugged a
pallet jack full of Detroit Daily News
bundles past John-Peter as the boy strapped the last bundle.
“John-Peter! Get that cart back to the station
and help me get these Detroits
passed.”
“Affirmed, sir.”
Carriers
swarmed the dock and Ed’s pallet, opening bundles and grabbing stacks of papers,
heedless of Ed’s loud orders to wait their turns. Joe Reece charged five
dollars for every newspaper a driver delivered late. John-Peter plopped onto a
work table, fished inside his other pocket for an apple, and wished the
princess had given it to him. He took a bite and leaned his weary body against
the table’s back. As punishment for disregarding his stern commands, Uncle Ed
would be tormenting offenders tomorrow morning with a fresh supply of
limericks.
“John-Peter!”
The boy
woke with a start. The apple core lay on the floor. The warehouse was devoid of
carriers. Uncle Ed must have already loaded his car because he looked ready to
leave.
The first
rays of dawn were breaking through the dark the sky as the pair entered the
parking lot. No chance of a nap this morning before he and his mother would
leave for Thornton.
“What time
is your appointment?”
“Eleven-thirty.”
“Hmm.” Ed frowned and looked at his own green
wristwatch. “I’ll hit the country roads later. Let’s deliver Jenson, and then
I’ll take you back to Munsonville. You’ll never survive the day without a nap.”
“Much
obliged, Steward, much obliged.”
With a
light heart and a steady supply of apples in his left hand, John-Peter threw
newspapers into the driveways of Jenson’s neighborhoods and fumbled for
whatever publication Uncle Ed needed with his right. He was glad to skip the
country roads. The joggers who inhabited them at three o’clock in the morning
made him uneasy. Once, Ed nearly collided with a man who rode his bike straight
at Ed’s car. Other carriers might have signaled their anger with a finger or
colorful language. Instead, Ed soothed his jangled nerves with a limerick.
O cyclist who rides in the night
Making
sure you’re hidden from sight
One
day you will find
A
driver’s who blind
Who’ll
flatten you without any fight.
“John-Peter, did I ever tell you
about the four great treasures of the Tuatha
de Danann?”
Ed had just reached the part about the
endless food supply of the Cauldron of Dagda when he threw two
newspapers out the window into the driveway of the house before the stop sign.
“Wait,
Uncle Ed,” John-Peter said, reaching above the visor for the route book. “The Jenson Reporter is a vacation stop.”
“What about
the Thornton Times?”
“Active, your honor.”
John-Peter ran across the road to pick up the
extra newspaper. Although the sun was now fully up, the absence of traffic made
delivering papers almost a joy. After tossing the renegade paper back into the
smudged, cracked laundry basket that held its clones, John-Peter, gradually
perking up under the brightening sun, grabbed a handful of Munsonville Weeklies.
“Can’t
understand why that newspaper is still in business,” Ed complained. “How much
news can that village report in a week?”
“The
“Three more blocks and then we can do the
stores. Keep up with me because I want to stop at Eircheard’s Emporium before
we go back to Munsonville.”
“Anything
in particular you’re seeking?”
“Another
tin whistle.”
Ed Calkins
saved the pawn shop’s bundle for last, after first pulling off the road to
adjust John-Peter’s leprechaun, a pocket-sized creature with a leering face,
tiny black eyes glinting below a pair of bushy red eyebrows, and a thatch of
wild red hair sliding out from under its tall green hat. In the center of its
belly, a series of numbers in the billions spiraled downward. The lull in the
action always caused John-Peter to nod off, but he always reawakened feeling as
refreshed as if he’d slept the night. By waiting until daybreak to deliver the Eircheard’s
Emporium, Ed could be certain that Eircheard himself would have unlocked the
front door, prepared the tea, and, if the wizened shopkeeper was feeling
particularly ambitious that day, prepared a loaf of warm, Irish soda bread--using
vinegar instead of buttermilk and a vegan spread from Brummings in Shelby to
top it--out of respect for John-Peter.
But no
whiff of freshly baked bread greeted John-Peter’s nose that morning, only the
pungent scent of the tobacco that emitted from Eircheard’s clay pipe. When
John-Peter was a small boy, the sight of this leprechaun-like old man
intimidated him and became the source of a recurring nightmare. Since early
childhood, John-Peter had often dreamed of the shop keeper, sitting on a tree
trunk and carving a misshapen piece of wood with a long-handled knife. A series
of incantations followed the store owner’s act of jamming the wood into the
ground. While Eircheard chuckled in glee, John-Peter’s leering face emerged
from the top of the wooden post.
But the Eircheard’s fearsomeness now only
existed in John-Peter’s dreams. Inside the pawn shop, he was simply an old man
making a dime from those wanting a quick buck and parting with their
possessions to obtain it. The one-room, wood shop was not large, but Eircheard
had filled it to bursting with all manner of furniture, knickknacks, clocks,
lamps, signs, clothing, wall hangings, books, record albums, toys, dishes,
household furnishings, and so forth, all stacked haphazardly and without category
consideration.
“No tin
whistles today,” Eircheard said, leaning back in his desk chair, puffing on his
pipe, and gesturing to a side table. “But some fellow brought in a whole stack
of records. All bagpipe music.”
Uncle Ed
made a dour face and recited:
A pygmy did sit in his chair
Luring
the innocent into his lair
He
said, “Why not you stay
And
buy something today?
If
it’s garbage I really don’t care.”
Eircheard
grinned around his pipe and watched Ed weave through the card tables, laden
with assorted figurines, plaques, and jewelry, to flip through the albums.
John-Peter poured a cup of tea, popped his
vitamin, and polished off the remnants of yesterday’s bread while Eircheard
puffed and watched some more. The boy wished he had topped off his jug before
leaving the distribution center. His parched throat screamed for water.
“Saved the
last from yesterday. Had a feeling you gents would stop this morning.”
“Thankee,
Mr. E.”
Eircheard smiled through the black gaps
between his broken teeth. “Anytime.”
Ed looked
up from the stack of records.
“Want to
drive Kellen nuts?”
“I’ll pass,
Uncle Ed.”
Kellen’s
disparaging remarks about classical piano music were the bane of John-Peter’s
life. No need to blare bagpipes, too.
Ed selected
three albums and brought them to the counter. Eircheard rose painfully to his
feet to ring up Ed’s purchases.
“That will
be five dollars even.”
“You drive
a hard bargain.”
“Got to
keep a roof over my head, same as you.”
Ed picked
up the records and turned to John-Peter, who spread margarine on this third
chunk of bread. Three-fourths of the loaf had disappeared into the boy’s
growling stomach. “Let’s drop Munsonville, and get you home.”
“Think
Reece will be mad the country route is late?”
“Not mad
enough to find someone else to take it out.”
The
combination of the sun’s glare off the windshield and the warm snack sent waves
of sleepiness through John-Peter's numb brain. Twice he nodded into slumber
against the window glass before he and Ed reached Munsonville.
Ed parked
his car in front of Sue’s Diner and reached for the newspaper bundle. “You
rest. I’ll fill the machines.” In less than five minutes, Ed was turning onto
Bass Street over John-Peter’s objections.
A customer wishes the real Ed Calkins best wishes on the very last day of his newspaper route earlier this year.