T'was The Night Before Christmas at Simons Mansion

Below is a clipping from The Munsonville Times that the main character in this BryonySeries novel found on microfilm at the Munsonville Library while conducting research for a school project.

This provides the background for the "The Night Before Christmas" parody below, an "assignment" for WriteOn Joliet in 2013.

Of course, I try to make (almost) any assignment part of the BryonySeries.

DECEMBER 31, 1893: On December 24, Mr. John Simons and Miss Bryony Marseilles were united in Holy Matrimony. The bride looked lovely in a wedding dress Mr. Simons ordered from Paris: an ivory satin, floor-length gown, with a lace veil edged in bryony motifs, and a pair of white kid gloves. A gold locket belonging to the bride’s mother adorned the outfit. “It’s the only jewelry Reverend allows,” said Bertha Parks, parsonage housekeeper.

Immediately before the service’s commencement, Mr. John Simons played the song he wrote for Miss Marseilles, so Reverend Marseilles refused to attend the reception at Simons Mansion.

The reception featured the following menu items: fish balls, fruit fritters, scalloped oysters, giblet soup with veal, chowder, mushroom catsup, roast wild duck with cranberries and peas, boiled pigeons with turkey stuffing, roast goose with mashed potato stuffing and apple sauce, breaded potatoes, boiled cabbage, winter squash, boiled parsnips and carrots, rice and meat pudding, baked plum pudding, French rolls, jelly tarts, minced pie, and eggnog.

Crowning the occasion was a magnificent twelve-tiered wedding cake, light and white, with scrolls of pink and green frosting, to match the bryony at Simons Mansion. The décor featured lace-covered tabletops decorated with mulberry ribbon, bows, holly, mistletoe, and red and pink roses. For the couple’s first dance, a sixteen- piece orchestra played “Bryony.” One guest said, “It was like a fairy tale.”

T'was the Night Before Christmas

(From the perspective of Bryga Czarnecki, chief housekeeper at Simons Mansion)

 

T'was the eve before Christmas, when all through the house

Every creature was stirring, except Bertrand the mouse.

The servants had decorated the third floor with care,

In hopes John and Bryony soon would be there.

 

All tables were covered with woven lace spreads,

With mulberry ribbons bedecking each edge

And mistletoe as garnish with a holly branch wrap,

Red and lavender roses made a centerpiece cap.

 

When down in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the ballroom to see what was the matter.

Away to the staircase I flew like a flash,

Lifting up my full skirts and hanging onto my sash.

 

The trembling hands and heaving breast showed Gladys' woe

As she stared at fallen trays and food objects below

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

A miniature rat and eight spiders crept near

 

With an odd little insect not so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be a walking stick.

More rapid than eagles the roaches they came,

And I whistled, and shouted, and called servants names!

 

"Now Hattie! now, Mildred! now, Nellie, get quickin'!

Cease all your cookin! Stop all your mixin!

Sweep the whole floor! Wipe splashes from walls!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

 

The fragments were gone, every surface wiped dry,

They glanced at each other and heaved a group sigh.

Then up to the house-top the servants they flew,

With platters of food, and the wedding cake, too.

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on buffets

The dropping and clattering of those many trays

As I poked in my head, Morton quickly turned 'round,

And the rest of the food came down with no sound.

 

Fish balls, fruit fritters, scalloped oysters, and chowder

Again the excited servants clamor grew louder

Giblet soup with veal, duck with cranberries and peas,

Mushroom catsup; and then I noticed the great Christmas tree

 

The white candles, how they twinkled! the gingerbread how merry!

The candies were like roses, just like the nuts and the berries!

All the servants were hungry, on their faces, it showed;

For the drool on their chins was as white as the snow.

 

They glanced at boiled pigeons with much turkey stuffing

And wondered if leftovers they soon would be cuffing

Breaded potatoes, winter squash, French rolls, and boiled cabbage

Would any minced meat pie be left so to ravage

 

Boiled parsnips and carrots, rice 'n' meat and plum puddings,

My special eggnog, sprinkled with nutmeg; who wouldn't be willin'

But a wink of Mort's eye and a twist of his head,

Told the help leftovers they all would be fed.

 

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,

And filled all the tables; not one of them shirked

After pausing a moment to straighten a rose,

Mort gave them a nod; in position they posed!

 

Mildred sprang to her post, to her team gave a whistle,

And away they all dashed like the shot of a missile.

But I heard them exclaim, ‘ere they fled out of sight,

"Good luck to you to all; see you later tonight!"

Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from 'Bryony'"