Writers: This Happens When You Develop a Character

They, um, develop.

I can virtually hear some of you say, "Well, duh! That's the point."

But it's true.

And that's one good reason why, soon after the writer types the last words of the novelist, he or she needs to get out the red pen, go back to the beginning, and reread (and edit) the characters.

Because they'll have changed.

Funny, isn't it?

We spend SO MUCH TIME getting them JUST RIGHT. We know what's on their feet and in their refrigerators. We know what they do on Saturday afternoons and how thoroughly they clean their homes.

Yet somehow, as if they have lives of their own, these make-believe people will grow, change, and take on a lives of their own while you're busy writing their story.

We can see it happen in other media. Take a television series that's run ten seasons. Re-watch the earlier seasons and compare the characters, then and now. Or reread first comic books of longtime series: Foxtrot, Doonesbury, Peanuts.

You see what I mean? Now look at your story.

You'll giggle (or groan) at some of Joe Doe's early dialogue. He'd NEVER say that!

Or you'll shake your head at some of his reactions and responses in the opening chapters. Nope, not Joe!

Even when we put dedicated time in fabricating pretend people, until we move them about the story like chess pieces, we never see their full scope. It can happen so gradually, you may miss it.

Hence, another read, the red pen, and a bit more editing.

You'll be happier with the story if you do.

And so will your reader.

Illustration by Kathleen Rose Van Pelt for "Bryony."

Community News: April 27 and April 28, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing.

Local arts and entertainment April 27 through May 4

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/25/local-arts-and-entertainment-april-27-through-may-4/a1u85vi/

Bolingbrook student proud of his coding work

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/tudent-proud-of-his-coding-work/auwhkoo/

Lukasik wins presidential award for sixth straight year 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/16/lukasik-wins-presidential-award-for-sixth-straight-year/arlgzug/

Bolingbrook HS senior honored 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/bolingbrook-hs-senior-honored/acm2d1g/

Bolingbrook school wins 3rd Annual VVSD Scholastic Bowl 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/bolingbrook-school-wins-3rd-annual-vvsd-scholastic-bowl/akbnx4z/

Joliet students win top awards at SPC Literary Festival 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/26/joliet-students-win-top-awards-at-spc-literary-festival/aoc2blv/

Sixth-grader wins spelling bee at Adams Middle School 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/sixth-grader-wins-spelling-bee-at-adams-middle-school/a5492hy/

Plainfield students participate in German Day 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/19/3c0d7979bf7f491da020541879daea87/index.xml

Joliet Franciscans renew their vows

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/16/joliet-franciscans-renew-their-vows/a6hgpp3/

Joliet theater to present faith-based play April 28

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/26/92cdda11d70b4e799100e11bfde9ea7a/index.xml

Lockport church becomes an 'Open and Affirming Congregation in the United Church of Christ' 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/11/f573dc9d1e17476fa0856ff33b1fa903/index.xml

Bolingbrook Park District to install new playground at Blackhawk Pond 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/17/76712b0851a94231b1a1e3abfb42f5d1/index.xml

Forest Preserve District of Will County’s new Big Day – Bird Hike Challenge'

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/03/26/forest-preserve-district-of-will-countys-new-big-day-bird-hike-challenge/apx1vnm/

And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

Sue's Diner: Rice Chicken Pie

Thee luncheon pies at Simons Mansion were quite a departure from the peanut butter sandwiches Melissa ate at home over a book. Yet, Melissa found it impossible not to eat them when a vampire scrutinizes every bite.

This Rice Chicken Pie recipes is adapted from Miss Beecher’s domestic receiptbook: designed as a supplement to her Treatise on domestic economy. Try it HERE.

From "Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles From 'Bryony'"

All proceeds benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties. www.bbbswillgrundy.org.

Order the cookbook at www.bryonyseries.com.

Ed Calkins: How Beer Came to Ireland

Dear MOMI,

The story starts as all legends do, in the middle. It might have looked like the end, be we know it’s the middle, (because I said it was). 

One hundred years before the first Pyramids were built and one thousand years after the labyrinth of Tara was constructed, a hero was facing his disgrace. The tragic frame of Captain O’Winfree begins the tale with his disembarking on the banks of a seamlessly endless river. 

The eight remaining of his nineteen crew who had left Ireland fifteen years earlier and had endured starvation, dehydration, and death with dry eyes now wept openly as they watch their leader do the intolerable… the unthinkable.

What had become of the proud sailors and the embarked to trade their cargo of perfume to Sicilian metal minors for their wares? In short, they got lost. 

Capt. O’Winfree was as skilled and brave as any sailor in the Irish trading feet but he had no sense of direction. It was said that in the fifteen years of his sailing the globe, he never once found his cabin. Each night his respectful men would set up a cot at the place where he gave up searching, never once questioning his pretense that he preferred to sleep under the stars.

As to where he and his crew had actually sailed, we can only guess. Doubtlessly, he was the first captain to keep his single ship afloat while sailing around the world but it didn’t count because no one at that time knew the world was round. 

Anyway, he must have landed in the Americas somewhere around present day L. A. because he called the land, West Sicily. It wasn’t till then that the crew must have wished that they had a living crew member that spoke Sicilian. Some believe that the crew that left port had such a man, but they ate him thirty days after running out of food. This can not be confirmed.

I should point out that this oversight is not as egregious as might be thought of today because there was an ancient protocol for bargaining on docks everywhere along Mediterranean shores. The sailors would wait until no one was on the dock, as being taken as slaves was always possible, and then unload a small portion of goods on the dock before hiding themselves on the ship. 

In turn, the dock workers would land their wares beside the imports and hide themselves. If the sailors felt the goods laid where enough, they would load the dock wares fixing a price. If not, they would load back some (but not all) of their own wares that leaving their counter offer. Barter continued without the merchants ever talking or seeing one another.

Native Americans at this point in time had a different protocol. They usually honored foreign merchants by eating them without ketchup, but if a seaworthy ship were to honor them by leaving gifts of tall, smelly jars on their dock, they could respond in kind. 

To the horror of the hiding crew, they dumped the perfume, and washed out the vessels. The Chief called to his greatest fishermen to produce a fish which they wrapped ceremoniously, to drum sound of the finest drummers, with the current edition of the local newspaper as the wrapping paper.

Seeing no one on the deck, surprised by the lack of greeting, and unintentionally terrifying the crew with his display of unconcern, the chief tossed the fish unto the deck, shrugged his shoulders and returned to his meal of the last merchants to appear at his palace.

Capt. O’Winfree, believing that he was in Sicily, got the idea that he had somehow offended the Mafia. Attempting to sail back the way he had come, he must have sail either south of the horn of South American or north of North American but in either case, into the mouth of the Mediterranean Sea. 

Maybe someone on the ship realized that they were near the coast where Africa and Europe all but touch at the Straits of Gibraltar, which, somehow that passed without knowing. Still looking for those straits the must have found the Nile and continued sailing, hoping to find the Atlantic and take a right to their home in Ireland. Was it the sight of crocodiles that told them they were lost?

So now we are back to the shores of the Nile with Capt. O'Winfree about to do what no man should. I know you know what I’m about to say, but the women among the readers are going to make us say it away, aren’t you? Capt. O’Winfree was going to ask for directions!

An African woman watched in wonder at the approaching ship. It was unlike any vessel she had ever seen, but it smelled like an answered prayer. She was a failing businesswoman trying to upstart her own line of fishnet lingerie, but the local fishermen’s wives and daughters did not think wearing their nets made them attractive. If only she could put that smell in a bottle.

Her name, as she introduced herself to the visibly deflated captain was simply “O”. There are competing accounts as to why. The more credible is that her actual name was fourteen syllables long, each more unpronounceable as the last. 

The other is that her line of lingerie was not meant to be worn, but rather tossed around potential husbands. ‘O’ was the response of the any unenlightened woman she informed who dressed in one. History can not be sure if either was the reason neither her nor her customers ever married locally.

In any case, it is certain that O invited the captain in to her household for a drink to question him about the smells coming from his ship, while he accepted, hoping to learn where he was without admitting he was lost. With many awkward miss-starts, a language common to both of them was discovered and sense found its way into the resulting conversation.

“Perfume you say? And it comes in a bottle? Yes, I know someone who would want your wares. What I don’t know it how to pay for it. This drink we’re having, why it’s called ‘beer’. I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make it. They make it up north in a country called Egypt. Yes, you’re on the Nile river now.”

What can be said about an evening with an Irishman and beer? It was early morning before Capt. O'Winfree staggered to his ship and found his cabin on the first try. The stunned crew was still awake, debating on what fib they would create to explain their captain’s fall from masculinity. It wasn’t till noon the next day when the O boarded the ship that the new plan was explained to them.

Firstly, they were introduced to their new navigator, who know nothing of foreign landscapes but seemed to know instinctively when they were lost and who to ask for directions. Secondly, they were told they were sailing to Egypt to trade the perfume and O’s fishing nets for beer. On the way to Egypt, they did not get lost once.

The trading went very well. After only two months the ship was emptied of perfume and filled to the brim with beer. Only O’s fishing nets were unsold but those found use and beer battered cod became an Irish dish before it came to Ireland. In record time the ship made it back to the Emerald Isle. 

However, some change had happened not explained by the time it took to sail. Not all the beer made it to port, and O and O’Winfree were husband and wife. Some say she got him so drunk and told him of their wedding the next morning but more then likely he had simply gotten used to doing what she told him to do.

To say that the beer sold well in Ireland would be an understatement. In the first week, O’Winfree and his crew became the ten richest people in Ireland with prospects to get even richer on the next trip to Egypt. 

Within two weeks the ship was loaded with perfume to be traded. But about that time, the panic started and Irish everywhere began a frantic search for ways of the Inland. You see, all of Ireland was running out of beer. Suddenly, the perfume merchant vessel was being retooled for passengers hoping to land somewhere were beer was plentiful and cheap.

O’Winfree, his wife, crew, and two hundred passengers became the first of the Irish abroad, whose bodies lie in ever country on the globe but whose hearts never left. You hear their songs in the legends of the wild geese thought to be the souls of those who died away, but return in such form.

Of O’Winfree’s ship, there is no definitive proof that the ship made it back to Ireland, but common sense tells me it did. Beer is a complicated recipe by ancient standards, yet every continent in the world brews it. 

Consider the tales of Dr. Livingston first meeting somewhere deep in the Congo were empires and risen and fallen for centuries with no contact beyond its jungled borders. Consider that the first thing that famed monarch did was offer him a beer.

Now, if there was a single man in history credited with bring beer to Ireland, everyone would have heard his name before Ed Calkins recounted it. To this I point out that a different man was so noted for his courage that he blotted out O’ Winfree when he took the last beer in Ireland and reverse engineered it. This man’s name is Robert Guinse.

              May the roof over your head never fall in, and may the people under it never fall out.

                Ruthlessly yours,

                Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, April 22 through April 27

For those of you following Bertrand on Instagram (and if you haven't met Bertrand, you can find him by scrolling down to "social media"), I apologize for the scarcity of posts lately.

Systems and processes are being changed up at work, so things have been a little topsy-turvy. For once, Bertrand has been patient and understanding about my lack of photos (which proves even a pretend mouse can learn), but we should be back in business shortly. Stay tuned!

Also, I'm back in the features-writing saddle, so please check out my stories (links at the bottom of this post).

Upcoming:

Tomorrow: A post by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara. Topic: beer.

This week: The first BryonySeries blog tour. A blog tour is just like a regular tour, except the "venues" are all virtual. In this case, they are mainly blogs, but I'll also be a guest on one YouTube channel and one LinkedIn page.

I have seven stops in May with posts to reflect the themes of the host blogs. Tour schedule and post themes should be up on the website this weekend. Be sure to check it out! (Yes, I will post a link).

Also this week: WriteOn Joliet will host an open mic from 6 to 8 p.m. May 3 at the Book and Bean Cafe in Joliet. If you live in the area, come out for some great coffee and some Chicago-style, poetry-room type entertainment. And if you write, come to read, too!

Have a great Friday, readers, writers, and vampire fans! :)

Non-bylined features:

Monday through Saturday I assembled my non-bylined works - brief posts and calendar listings - into one convenient file and posting them on Facebook in the evening, so readers can easily choose the ones they want to read.

 One can also find those event listings, the Gotta Do It calendar, as well as the pets, health, faith, and arts and entertainment calendars, under the sections tab on the left hand side of http://www.theherald-news.com/. Click on "features" and the topics drop down.  Gotta Do It runs under "people."

Community news? Again, under the sections tab, under features, and by topic. Updates are posted on these days in print and web (and some only on web on other days as I have the time): Monday (pets), Tuesday (health), Thursday (faith), Friday (arts and entertainment), and Sunday (people).

Social media:

Daily updates: I do post the briefs and calendars on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries. And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to jon WriteOn Joliet's Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/groups/writeonminooka/?ref=bookmarks. We're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

Books and Such

Information on my books (including where to buy) along with upcoming events is at www.bryonyseries.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

An Extraordinary Life: Joliet woman was a living sermon 

“She probably had a fourth-grade reading level,” Warren Dorris Jr., Margaret Dorris' son, said. “But she taught herself how to read and be a student of the Bible. Back then, people had very few things they could put their faith in. They couldn’t have faith in their jobs or the economy. But people have to have faith in something, and she chose to put her faith in God.”

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/22/joliet-woman-was-a-living-sermon/aaacp5g/

MysteryDiner: Plainfield's Front Street Cantina offers affordable Mexican cuisines 

 As you would expect, I had chips and salsa before ordering my meal. While the salsa seemed to have a lot of tomatoes, it was deceptively spicy. You can also order guacamole, nachos grande, pizza and stuffed jalapeño peppers for appetizers.

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/24/92d485ddaa164014b133f6bd0cba6d5a/index.xml

The last we'll see of Victorian Tea

Joliet women 'put their heart and soul' into annual event 

"Somehow, word got around," Marlene Jones, food committee chairman, said. "It seems like there is a lot of women who like to get dressed up in their finest and come to something that is elegant. And some women came year after year."

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/25/88a41be43b43449a8bfe1b1dd94fdb4d/index.xml


A legacy of great music

Joliet American Legion Band to play spring concert May 5

Lois Henning, the band’s first woman president (Henning was elected in August), is hoping to fill all 850 seats.

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/24/a-legacy-of-great-music/ascmz68/

Lockport's Roxy theater gets vintage marquee, upgrades

The goal was to return the sign to a 1960s facade, or as Joe Osborne, president of Image360 Signs in Mokena, said, “We had this crazy idea of restoring it to its former glory.”

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/26/6be87a270815452aabb63b6e31d0f235/index.xml

LocalLit author spotlight: Norm Cowie of Chicago

The written story always fascinated me, and then about a dozen years ago I got my first laptop, and I realized I could finally put my mad typing skills to the test. It took me two years to write my first manuscript – a horror story that I couldn’t get publishers interested in. Then I wrote a thriller, and it didn’t sell, either.

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/16/8f006d67d1c24ff682d57f8ae00fc65f/index.xml

Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage." Follow him at www.facebook.com/artbymattcoundiff or @MattCoundiff on Twitter.

Community News: April 26, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing.

Local Faith Events: April 26 through May 3 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/23/local-faith-events-april-26-through-may-3/aj34qfq/

VVSD Board of Education recognized 4 staff members

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/17/63945b556bbf49949b9013ac9f17ee88/index.xml

VVSD announces spelling bee winners 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/vvsd-announces-spelling-bee-winners/afdhag1/

Plainfield preschool collects for the troops 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/20/a7c08beb08f3438b8a1df6f9ad803014/index.xml

District 202 in Plainfield honors 24 educators 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/02/district-202-honors-24-educators/ah4euav/


And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

BryonySeries Throwback Thursday: White Cat Meowing

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

White cat meowing

Community News: April 25, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing.

Need help? Want to help? Here’s a roundup of Joliet area food pantries and upcoming events 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/need-help-want-to-help/a6kqr27/

Join Channahon community garden  

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/02/join-channahon-community-garden/a7z1p29/

Bolingbrook students approve garlic bread samples 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/bolingbrook-students-approve-garlic-bread-samples/ao2k8d1/

Nutrition staff at 2 Romeoville schools give breakfast tour

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/nutrition-staff-at-2-romeoville-schools-give-breakfast-tour/avg6zgw/

Nutrition staff at Romeoville school helps the hungry with chili contest 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/nutrition-staff-at-romeoville-school-helps-the-hungry-with-chili-contest/a3g9a4t/

And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

Open Mic Night 2017: Diana Estell (Round 2)

Community News: April 24, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing.


Local health events: April 24 through May 1 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/20/local-health-events-april-24-through-may-1/aso3fe/

Easterseals Joliet Region earns 3-year CARF Accreditation 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/03/easterseals-joliet-reigon-earns-3-year-carf-accreditation/asebrhl/

Morris Hospital physical therapist recognized for inspiring others

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/05/morris-hospital-physical-therapist-recognized-for-inspiring-others/asm2608/

Lockport student named as delegate to Future Medical Leaders

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/16/lockport-student-named-as-delegate-to-future-medical-leaders/aqaw2y3/

New Lenox insurance agency awarded $2,000 to help cystic fibrosis cause

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/22/new-lenox-insurance-agency-awarded-2-000-to-help-cystic-fibrosis-cause/awtlr1h/

Morris Hospital introduces new chief financial officer 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/23/morris-hospital-introduces-new-chief-financial-officer/a9iso78/

And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

If you were to ask anyone in my household right now, he or she might agree.

Everyone is going through major restructuring at their jobs, and no one is quite certain what that looks like.

So we're a bit tense at home right now. But it occurred to us last night that in a couple of weeks, everyone's routine will be vastly different than it was at the beginning of this month.

I'm not sure about you, but we thrive on routine and the occasional break from it. Developing a routine allows our tasks to run (somewhat) smoothly and provides the most productiveness for us.

So when that is shaken up, we tend to get a little shaken up - at least until we're able to understand what we're doing and mold out a new routine.

Such is our current definition of the worse of times. Now for the best.

Opportunities to learn and expand our skills into arenas we didn't think we could. New routines emerging from the old and giving us new experiences and new ways or looking at our day. 

In a season for us when we're still singing Christ is Risen and will be for a few more weeks, when our minds are on "Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" (Isaiah 43:19), which follows with, "I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert," shouldn't we be excited that God takes old routines and "like a robe you will roll them up, like a garment they will be changed." (Hebrews 1:12)

In faith, we are moving in that direction. For now, I think Dickens applies.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way. (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities)

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

Community News: April 21 and 23, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing.

Gotta Do It: April 22 through April 29

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/gotta-do-it-april-22-through-april-29/a64shgz/

Local pet events: April 23 to April 30

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/16/local-pet-events-april-23-to-april-30/aduwus7/

Pets of the Week: April 23

Read the caption of each photo to find out about that pet, including where he or she can be adopted.

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/16/5662f47c67374377a4fb59d530fee67a/index.xml

Schoolyard Habitat Action Grants awarded

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/02/08/schoolyard-habitat-action-grants-awarded/akyr5o0/

K-9 officer visits Frankfort school

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/03/29/k-9-officer-visits-frankfort-school/auzj00b/

Expanded investigation Into multi-state E. coli infections linked to romaine lettuce

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/20/expanded-investigation-into-multi-state-e-coli-infections-linked-to-romaine-lettuce/aqz14hs/

Smokey Bear Hot Air Balloon collector’s button at Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie on May 5

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/20/smokey-bear-hot-air-balloon-collectors-button-at-midewin-national-tallgrass-prairie-on-may-5/ab945en/

Laughing for a Cause: HaHaMen and Phil’s Friends Partner for May

Monthly show “Good for the Soul” to feature local cancer support charity Phil’s Friends

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/20/24bf4206aefe4a8da382298740a232bc/index.xml

Illinois State Police District 2 to participate in second annual distracted driving week

Education, enforcement campaign to take place April 23 to April 27

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/21/illinois-state-police-district-2-to-participate-in-second-annual-distracted-driving-week/apbgj62/

Finger gym benefits #Plainfield kindergarten students  

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/21/41fd092cbce848b4820fbd5e0fdaed96/index.xml

Author winner announced April 26 in Bolingbrook 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/21/8762af87bb874ca2aecab2513eb00a58/index.xml

Romeoville students hosted energy fair

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/romeoville-students-hosted-energy-fair/anjjtaq/

Bolingbrook speech team supports teammates

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/bolingbrook-speech-team-supports-teammates/a61rc8g/

Romeoville student 'brings down the house' at choir festival

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/romeoville-student-brings-down-the-house-at-choir-festival/ado29dn/

And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

Playing "Old-Fashioned Girl"

It seemed that every nineteenth century book I read as a child, from An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott to Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder referenced some form of molasses candy.

So of course when writing Bryony, I referenced it, too, and put an authentic recipe (i.e. one that doesn't contain corn syrup) into the office BryonySeries cookbook, Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony," which is a fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.

Yesterday, Rebekah Baran and I made some, but we started too late to to post it. Here's some of the highlights.

Try the recipe HERE.

What did I think of the my first bite of nineteenth century candy? It's not very sweet; I could see why some recipes call for "nutmeats" (if anything to keep the teeth from sticking together); and I kept Almonzo's pig in mind and ate only very tiny pieces at one time.

Molasses boiling on the stove. This was the longest part of the process.

Molasses lightens in color after saleratus (baking soda) is added.

Molasses nearly cooled enough to pull and shape.

The finished product.

Community News: April 20, 2018

Check out upcoming events in the Joliet area, as well as the awesome things people are doing

Local arts and entertainment April 20 through April 27 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/16/local-arts-and-entertainment-april-20-through-april-27/aw2oit7/

JCA announces National Art Honor Society inductees

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/17/jca-announces-national-art-honor-society-inductees/ah8f99a/

Troy choirs, bands receive top awards at district level 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/18/troy-choirs-bands-receive-top-awards-at-district-level/a264bj4/

Lincoln-Way Marching Band announces 2018-2019 drum majors

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/18/a355e342d3ca4ac78593225222614505/index.xml

4 alumni from USF in Joliet receive Emmy Awards

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/18/dd483410d71a4193a8d5ddf87b2aac92/index.xml

Lincoln-Way West student wins Frankfort Fall Festival Poster Contest 

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/18/e0623f23112b4096a9fe9ce0fa76b3d1/index.xml

Joliet school district celebrates

http://www.theherald-news.com/lists/2018/04/18/f0c40590448c4aedbb342af410e6e217/index.xml

Joliet Township High School April 2018 Students of the Month 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/05/joliet-township-high-school-april-2018-students-of-the-month/aw1u4jo/

Romeoville paraprofessional honored for service 

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/romeoville-paraprofessional-honored-for-service/a9w8j4t/

STEM Team from A. Vito Martinez Middle School emerge victorious

http://www.theherald-news.com/2018/04/11/stem-team-from-a-vito-martinez-middle-school-emerge-victorious/az8lfxw/

And the newsletters:

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/will-county-go-guide/#//

Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story Newsletter

http://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/locallit/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times

https://www.bryonyseries.com/munsonville-times

Illustration by Christopher Gleason for "Staked!"

Ed Calkins: "Staked!"-Based Epic Poem (Part Two)

The next installment of a continuing saga by none other than the Steward himself!

Of course, the entire thing will make the most sense to readers who have read Staked!, but since Staked! contains so much nonsense, this prerequisite isn't strictly necessary.

Missed part one of Ed's epic limerick? You can read it HERE.

To buy a copy of Staked! (and the first two books in the BryonySeries trilogy), go HERE.


Dear MOMI,

I thought this (writing an epic limerick) would be easier, but its good mental exercise.

Some of the most vulgar words have been "Xed" out. If you feel a need to censor further (which I always appreciate) please "X" out with one "X" per letter only (even if it's the entire limerick).\

Example:

 

XXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXX

   XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXXXX

   XXXX XXX XXXX

   XXXXXXXXXXX XX

  XXXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX

This way readers can drive themselves crazy guessing what was intended.

ED CALKINS, WHO DIDN'T HEAR A SOUND, SURVIVED WHEN THE CHIP IN THE LEPRECHAUN CAUSED THE ALLIGATOR TO BE A VEGAN

Called up Ed as Glorna was falling

“Your self-delusions are really appalling.

For you made a mistake,

No real noise did it make

It’s me not the tree that is calling.”

As he landed, Glorna said “Now I’m pissed

Your rightful end once again you have missed.

"By what myth or magical seal

"Were you not a gator meal

"And by what curse is it so hard not to exist?”

“A leprechaun not me that is cursed

"Into the open mouth it did fall first

"And it first did he eat

"Now he cannot eat meat

"He spit me out.  I’m none the worst.”

ED CONVINCES GLORNA THAT MAYBE LIFE AS A TEEN ISN'T THAT BAD. GLORNA HOPES ED WILL FORGIVE THE LITTLE MURDER ATTEMPTS. ED SPEAKS FIRST, THEN GLORNA.

“And as for you my little wood sprite friend

"Your self-destruction you need to amend

"In your real life as a boy you have gotten

"By real people no chance to be forgotten

"But only trees remember a little sprite’s end."

“Maybe life as a human’s worth living

"Another chance to reality I should be giving

"If the cosmos sees the light

"Maybe fate will treat me right

"And like my uncle Ed, I’ll be more forgiving."

ED DECIDES TO PUNISH GLORNA, NOT FOR TRYING TO KILL HIM BUT FOR ROBBING HIS CORPSE OF A LUCKY PENNY AND USING IT TO GET BEER (TO SEDUCE ANGELA)

FOR HIS LOOTING, ED PLEDGES TO DEDUCT ONE YEAR, AND FOR TRYING TO GET BEER, ANOTHER TWO. JOHN-PETER WILL BE RESURRECTED AT AGE 14 INSTEAD OF (SOME OF THE MORE VULGAR LINES ARE CENSORED. MURDER IS TOLERATED, BUT UNDERAGE DRINKING WILL NOT BE TOLERATED).

 “Hold it right there cause you’re still in trouble

"One year for the first and the second is double

"And if you cross me again

"You’ll be John-Peter at ten

"But as it is, you’ll be fourteen with beard stubble”

“But dear Uncle give me a pass or a clue,

"Young life is hard and harder on the redo

"Might I pay for my transgression

"With a trip to confession

"With full repentance for the twice I tried to kill you?”

“What? Of that arrow you think I should have ducked?

T"hat disgruntled should kill me, my dictatorship’s tucked.

"But you removed from my corpse a lucky penny

"When Denise wasn’t looking, you XXXXX XXXX benny

"So now you and your XXXXXXXXX are just XXXXXX!"

“Your assassination attempt was quite classy

"It was far more noble-minded than sassy

"But what were you thinking?

"To cause underage drinking

"And corrupt the young life of a lassie?"

GLORNA ADMITS TO LOOTING FOR MONEY TO BUY BEER IN THE HOPES OF SEDUCING ANGELA, BUT HE COMPLAINS HE WASN'T AB;E AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE AND ED ARE ON THE BANKS OF THE NILE.

 Quite puzzled did Glorna appear

Saying, “I admitted that I wanted a beer

"But I looted your corpse to buy it

"And get her to drink and to try it

"But it wasn’t enough and how’d we get here?”

ED GUESSES THAT MAYBE A MYTH HE COMPOSED WITH REPLAY ITSELF. HE EXPECTS A SHIP TO ARRIVE ON THE NILE WHERE A CAPTAIN DISEMBARKS TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.

THEN THE CAPTAIN TASTES BEER AND BRINGS IT BACK TO IRELAND, ENDING THE GRAND IRISH EMPIRE BEFORE IT STARTS. SURE ENOUGH, ED IS RIGHT.

 Said Ed “I know what it might be

"On you mystical grounding, don’t fight me

"Your wish called us to the bringer of beer

"To the ancient Nile we are now here

"To see the ship of brave Captain O’ Windfree.”

As Ed said this, a distant ship did appear

Its strange smell smelled as if it were near

A badly damaged Irish vessel

The river current it did wrestle

The very one that traded perfume for beer

The famed Captain disembarked in the distance

To make the historical direction asking instance.

“We got to get there before evening,

 "Because that’s when it’s leaving.

A"nd a way to counter to our boarding, resistance.”

ED'S ASSESSMENT: THIS IS GOING TO COST

 “For that ship is the key to our Irish keep

"But without money, that sure won’t be cheap

"And vegan nutrition

"For our gator’s condition

"For other resources we’ll have to dig deep.”

GLORNA'S IDEA IS TO WAGER ABOUT THE ALLIGATOR'S VEGAN DIET

“To a bloke that never met us.

"I’d bet any amount he would bet us

"That a ruthless dictator

"Doesn’t feed his alligator

"A preposterously large head of lettuce”

ED DOESN'T LIKE THE IDEA, HE'D RATHER TRADE SOME OF HIS WIVES

“A sailor cheated of money is an engager.

"The offence is considered quite major.

"The feeling I get,

"It’s unhealthy to bet

"If you don’t have the money to wager.”

“I might no longer have a lucky penny

"But there is one thing I truly have many

"I’ll get us back to my castle

"Without too much hassle,

"For a Mary or a Linda or a Jenny.”

To Glorna’s frown Ed explain “There’s a portion,

"Of my wives that were never informed of their good fortune.

"Let the buyer pay the dues

"Of informing the maidens the good news

"Yes, its trafficking but don’t blow it out of proportion.”

GLORNA DISAGREES, REMEMBERING ALL THE GIRLS THE BROWNIES ENSLAVED AND ED DOING NOTHING TO HELP.

“Oh Uncle Ed you’re just a big XXXXX

"The pain you ignore just makes me sick

"Angela and the others felt the sting

"I’d find it far more comforting

"If your ego was as small as you XXXX”

ED AGREES.

“Yes, I surely am a big XXXX to be carried

"For we are now in a cruel time we buried.

"To treat slaves quite unfair

"Many young girls out there,

"Prefer to brownies or sailors be married."

Part three coming soon!


Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins
Steward of Tara

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, looking ruthless at his 2018 Calkins Day book signing.