Irish Celtic Music ~ Autumn Wanderer

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, Sept. 23 to Sept. 29

Good morning!

Today I'm sharing nine features and news stories today with more stories being posted over weekend, especially since I am working this weekend. So be sure to check back on The Herald-News site: shawlocal.com/the-herald-news.

The fun and good will of Bertrand's Back-To-School Birthday Bash, which happened in August at The Book Market in Crest Hill, will continue this fall at The Book Market in Crest Hill with a special display to help Santa distribute books to children and special needs adults this holiday season.

If you don't live near The Book Market and wish to donate one or more Bertrand the Mouse books to Santa, email us at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Those in Joliet can get their BryonySeries reads all lined up for Halloween and beyond. Just pop into the BryonySeries tent from 5 to 11 p.m. Oct,. 7 at Panic in the Plaza, Van Buren Plaza, downtown Joliet.

Stay tuned for additional BryonySeries appearances this fall.

I still don't have any updates on the WriteOn Joliet radio play recording, which we recorded at digital media center at the downtown branch of the Joliet Public Library in the beginning of August.

WriteOn Joliet almost finished editing the radio play that eight members (including me) presented at the Billie Limacher Bicentennial Park Theatre in Joliet on April 22.and at the Joliet Public Library on Sept. 9.

But one reading needs re-editing, which I hope to schedule soon (if we can just stop have emergencies!).

Here is a quick recap of BryonySeries projects in progress:

House on Top of the Hill: Third book in the BryonySeries Limbo trilogy. I now have a good working draft of the entire book, two chapters that are ready for final edits, and a prologue that is taking an interesting turn. Writing on this book is paused until I finish Karla and the BryonySeries guidebook. We are estimating a 2024 release date.

The Adventures of Cornell Dyer: Cornell Dyer and the Howls of Basketville is now available for purchase on Amazon. Or buy a signed copy at BryonySeries events this fall. Stay tuned!

Timothy said the next book will be slightly dark ("slightly" because it's for kids, too) and will involve an old toy store. We hope to schedule a "Cornell breakfast" soon.

You can find other titles in the series here. Timothy has not yet added our latest titles to the BryonySeries bookstore. But all titles are also on Amazon. 

Karla Joins In: The fourth book in The Girls of the BryonySeries series is now in production. Rebekah has created the cover and is handling the formatting. All that's left is Karla's "portrait," of which Jennifer Wainright is finishing up.

The goal is to release "Karla" in time for WriteOn Joliet's anthology release party on Dec. 7 at the Black Road branch of the Joliet Public Library.

Jennifer designed the covers for Julie and the Too-Hard Homework, Katie and the Big Fear, and Summer Sisters, as well as frontispiece for Lycanthropic Summer. I can't wait to see her "Karla" illustration.

BryonySeries reference/guide book: Welcome to Munsonville: the People, Places, and Things of the BryonySeries. I'm slowly pecking at this and hope to finish it during this year's writers' retreat in mid-October. The goal is to release it in time for WriteOn Joliet's anthology release party on Dec. 7 at the Black Road branch of the Joliet Public Library.

A Year of Shadows and Moonlight, of Gathering Blooms in the Woods: A rather unusual, poetic novella in the second person. Half of it is written and edited and another half is loosely written. Rebekah is also playing around with art for the cover. Writing on this is also paused ibn favor of completing the BryonySeries guidebook. We are estimating a 2024 release date.

Rebekah is also slowly updating the BryonySeries YouTube and Pinterest accounts. And she' catching up with Kindles for some of the BryonySeries books. So do watch for those.

Now back to the stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!

But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too.

Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Wednesday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks, will be featured in an upcoming cookbook, or is just an "extra" we want to share with you.

Check out the recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook page. We're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues and two ways to attend meetings. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries on Twitter/X at @BryonySeries and assorted related content at facebook.com/BryonySeries, youtube.com/user/BryonySeries, and themes of each book in the BryonySeries at pinterest.com/bryonyseries.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

BRYONYSERIES BOOKS

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

BRYONYSERIES EVENTS

A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

Will County cafes serving up deals for National Coffee Day: Plus 3 suggestions for celebrating National Coffee Day

Plainfield ‘Stranger Things’ Halloween display back with even more fright: Audrey Appel: ‘We’re trying to build better things’

Lockport rescue has Siberian huskies that need good homes: Linda Gondek, founder, said adopters need to understand thebreed

Joliet mom donating kidney to teen son: Sandy King, mom: ‘He’s very respectful and just anall-around great kid’

Joliet Rotary raffle offers big prizes while giving back tocommunity

Joliet youth mariachi band seeks community support withfundraiser: Fundraiser raffle prize is a performance from Mariachi deJoliet

Craft Fairs in Will County: where to find them: Dates range from Saturday through December

Pets of the Week: Sept. 25, 2023: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption

5 Things to do in Will County: Plainfield homecoming parade: Plus 4 more suggestions for enjoying your weekend

Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage"

Sue's Diner: Steve's Spaghetti Sauce

This week's recipe is for a thick homemade spaghetti sauce that is perfect for cooler autumn days.

This recipe appears in the BryonySeries cookbook: Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony," which is a permanent fundraiser for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties.

Here is the "Bryony" reference:

Losing track of time is easy when Melissa is researching Bryony, but the timing is bad when Melissa is supposed to make garlic bread to accompany Steve’s delicious spaghetti, sauce, so different from the canned version Darlene made.

You can try our modified recipe on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.

But try the recipe this week. It will be gone some time next week. A new recipe will take it's place.

If you have any troubleshooting questions or comments, email us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. 

By the way, Sue's Diner is only real in the BryonySeries world. But didn't Timothy do a great job making the page look like a real menu at a vintage diner?

Here is the full diner page: bryonyseries.com/sue-s-diner. You can't really order, of course (wouldn't it be great if you could?).

For more BryonySeries recipes, check out our three cookbooks at our BryonySeries bryonyseries.com/general-store.

Give a Child the Gift of Reading

When plans go awry, people often say it's because God had a better plan for us.

The Bible actually has a verse that says it: "For God has something better in mind for us."

That is certainly true when I missed "Bertrand's Back-To-School Birthday Bash" in August in favor of hanging out in an emergency department, which resulted in being admitted overnight for the second time that month.

Not only did I meet some fantastic people who shared fantastic stories, a new opportunity emerged.

You see, when I called Janet Staley, owner of The Book Market, to let her know my kids would be running the event, she had a much better surprise: she had already pre-sold one copy of all Bertrand the Mouse titles to a single customer to give to Santa.

For that was the purpose of the event: to give customers the opportunity to buy a Bertrand the Mouse book for Santa to give away to children and special needs adults during the holidays.

I had given Santa nearly one hundred Bertrand books last fall, and Santa said the books were very highly received. In short, Bertrand was a hit, and I am not surprised. 

But the need for books is higher than what I can provide alone. But maybe a few others might want to contribute, too? So Jan was willing to hold a birthday party for Bertrand, where the only gifts he wanted were books for Santa.

Santa did leave that day with fifty Bertrand books. Jan even put together a box of overstock for Santa, too. And Santa brought free ice cream for attendees. So Santa is off to a good start as far as books for children go.

After I was released from the hospital, I called Jan to thank her profusely and see how the event went. And this is where the "opportunity" part came in.

Jan suggested I extend Bertrand's birthday celebration through the Santa season with a special display of Bertrand the Mouse books at her store.

However, among work conflicts, emergencies, and transportation woes, it took a month to get there. But I had a day off work yesterday, and the display finally went up. 

And now it's so easy for you to help Santa, too.

Simply pop into The Book Market during regular store hours, pick out the Bertrand the Mouse title(s) you want to give to Santa, pay for it/them at the counter, and leave the book(s) with Jan. She and I will make sure Santa gets the books.

I have another fifty (or so) books at my house for Santa ready to go, too. But Santa sees thousands of children and special needs adults during the holiday season. One hundred books aren't nearly enough.

The Book Market has limited amounts of Bertrand books, which we will replenish when necessary. So if you're interested in bulk rates, email us at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

One last thought: Even kids who don't read seem to really like the Bertrand books. The books are simple and very approachable. When you put one of these books into a child's hands, you may increase the love for the printed word in an already eager reader and spark an interest in a reluctant reader to take a chance on another book.

And if that happens, you will have given a child a gift that will continue to pay dividends for the rest of his/her life.

Do You Know This BryonySeries Reference?

Do you the BryonySeries reference for this item?

Wait! Don't tell me now!

Tell me...

...sometime between 5 and 11 p.m. Saturday, October 7, 2023, at the BryonySeries tent during the Panic in the Plaza event at Van Buren Street Plaza in downtown Joliet.

If you are correct, you may take home any BryonySeries book of your choice (except for the giant Before the Blood book). No purchase necessary!

Offer begins 5 p.m. October 7, 2023, and ends 11 p.m. October 7, 2023.

Hope to see you there!

1st RECORDING OF: Swing Low, Sweet Chariot - Fisk University Jubilee Quartet (1909)

Peder B. Helland - Yellow Flower

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara: Chapter Seven of "The Fifth"

The other night Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara sent a new chapter seven for his upcoming sequel to "Ruthless."

He also sent the sequel's new title. It's no longer called "Tu Ruthless." It's now called "The Fifth" and it's a play on several "fifth" concepts (I'll task Ed with the explanation in another blog).

The readers gets a subtle introduction to one explanation in chapter seven, which is called "The Munsonville Five."

Munsonville is a fictional fishing village in Northern Michigan and a "hub" of the series.

In this chapter, Ed plays with the BryonySeries character supernatural super sleuth Cornell Dyer for the first time. Cornell meets with a vampire crime lord in a meeting reminiscent of Cornell's meeting with John Simons in "Visage" and Kellen Wechsler's meeting with Cornell in "The Phoenix."

The chapter shows some crossing, some double-crossing, and a really large pizza.

But I really love the first line. It really summarizes quite a lot why certain things happen the way they do in the books.

The first line is: "Munsonville just doesn't play by the rules."

Well done, Ed!

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, Sept. 16 to Sept. 22

Good morning!

Today I'm sharing eleven features and news stories today with more stories being posted over weekend. So be sure to check back on The Herald-News site: shawlocal.com/the-herald-news.

And on the BryonySeries side of writing, Cornell Dyer and the Howls of Basketville is available for purchase on Amazon as of 5:42 a.m. this morning. Or buy a signed copy at BryonySeries events this fall. Stay tuned!

I don't have any updates on the WriteOn Joliet radio play recording, which we recorded at digital media center at the downtown branch of the Joliet Public Library in the beginning of August/

WriteOn Joliet almost finished editing the radio play that eight members (including me) presented at the Billie Limacher Bicentennial Park Theatre in Joliet on April 22.and at the Joliet Public Library on Sept. 9.

But one reading needs re-editing, which I hope to schedule soon (if we can just stop have emergencies!).

I also hope to share good news relating to Bertrand's Back-To-School Birthday Bash, which happened in August at The Book Market in Crest Hill. I missed the fun because I was in the hospital. But we are extending the birthday celebration into the fall - and that should start this week. Stay tuned again!

Here is a quick recap of BryonySeries projects in progress:

House on Top of the Hill: Third book in the BryonySeries Limbo trilogy. I now have a good working draft of the entire book, two chapters that are ready for final edits, and a prologue that is taking an interesting turn. Writing on this book is paused until I finish Karla and the BryonySeries guidebook. We are estimating a 2024 release date.

The Adventures of Cornell Dyer: Timothy said the next book will be slightly dark ("slightly" because it's for kids, too) and will involve an old toy store. We hope to schedule a "Cornell breakfast" soon.

You can find other titles in the series here. Timothy has not yet added our latest titles to the BryonySeries bookstore. But all titles are also on Amazon. 

Karla Joins In: The fourth book in The Girls of the BryonySeries series. Eleven of the twelve chapters are completed and ready for final editing. Jennifer Wainright is nearly done with the cover. The goal is to release it in time for WriteOn Joliet's anthology release party on Dec. 7 at the Black Road branch of the Joliet Public Library.

Jennifer designed the covers for Julie and the Too-Hard Homework, Katie and the Big Fear, and Summer Sisters, as well as frontispiece for Lycanthropic Summer. I can't wait to see her "Karla" illustration.

BryonySeries reference/guide book: Welcome to Munsonville: the People, Places, and Things of the BryonySeries. I'm slowly pecking at this. The goal is to release it in time for WriteOn Joliet's anthology release party on Dec. 7 at the Black Road branch of the Joliet Public Library.

A Year of Shadows and Moonlight, of Gathering Blooms in the Woods: A rather unusual, poetic novella in the second person. Half of it is written and edited and another half is loosely written. Rebekah is also playing around with art for the cover. Writing on this is also paused ibn favor of completing the BryonySeries guidebook. We are estimating a 2024 release date.

Rebekah is also slowly updating the BryonySeries YouTube and Pinterest accounts. And she' catching up with Kindles for some of the BryonySeries books. So do watch for those.

Now back to the stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!

But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too.

Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Wednesday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks, will be featured in an upcoming cookbook, or is just an "extra" we want to share with you.

Check out the recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook page. We're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues and two ways to attend meetings. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries on Twitter/X at @BryonySeries and assorted related content at facebook.com/BryonySeries, youtube.com/user/BryonySeries, and themes of each book in the BryonySeries at pinterest.com/bryonyseries.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

BRYONYSERIES BOOKS

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

BRYONYSERIES EVENTS

A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

Joliet couple exhibiting artwork at The Strange & Unusual Gallery: Christine Nordstrom, gallery owner: ‘It’s just a very juxtaposed show’

Power restored to Joliet’s Rialto, Kevin James show will goon Thursday

(I also wrote a story announcing the power outage. But that story seems to have disappeared from The Herald-News website)

Joliet Noon Lions announce student poster winners: Both winners attend Washington Junior High School in Joliet

John Mulaney, Pete Davidson coming to Joliet’s Rialto Square Theatre: Tickets go on sale Tuesday.

Joliet Schools District 86 students receive bags of books donation: Each student in preschool through sixth grade received eight books

Get your Will County craft fair event in our Herald-News listing

Taste of Lockport spotlights local eateries, benefits District 205 programs: The event features 12 local food vendors

Joliet Rotary’s raffle tickets on sale, chance to win ‘generous prizes’

Silver Cross expanding Homer Glen emergency center

Pets of the Week: Sept. 18: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption

5 Things to do in Will County: Joliet PrideFest is Saturday: Plus 4 more suggestions for enjoying your weekend

Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage"

Rare Bela Lugosi Post Sanitarium Interview!

Sue's Diner: Apple-Banana Bread

This week's recipe for Apple-Banana Bread is featured in the BryonySeries cookbook Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony."

Sarah actually created this one and then submitted it for the cookbook. Rebekah recently baked a batch of this bread and gave half to Joshua and the kids. It's a nice twist on the traditional banana bread.

Here is the recipe's Bryony reference.

Neither Melissa nor Brian felt at ease during the unfamiliar church services in memory of their grandmother. The array of delicious food at the potluck luncheon that followed was more appealing. This was especially true for Brian, who had heaped his plate high with lots of food, including this bread.

Try this recipe for Apple-Banana Bread on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.

But try it this week. It will be gone next week. A new recipe will take it's place. 

If you have any troubleshooting questions or comments, email us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. 

By the way, Sue's Diner is only real in the BryonySeries world. But didn't Timothy do a great job making the page look like a real menu at a vintage diner?

Here is the full diner page: bryonyseries.com/sue-s-diner. You can't really order, of course (wouldn't it be great if you could?).

For more BryonySeries recipes, check out our three cookbooks at our BryonySeries bryonyseries.com/general-store.

New Pillows

So when I stayed in the hospital last month, Rebekah spent a night in my bed so a house guest could have hers.

When I came home, Rebekah said several my pillows were in terrible shape (pictured below, ready for the garbage), so she replaced all but three of them (bags of the new pillows and pillow protectors on the left).

Of the three that remained, one was an old pillow of Rebekah's that had a lot of life left to it. The other two were pillows Timothy bought a few years ago that looked nearly new.

Well, of course they looked new. I used those pillows to prop up the rest. I had not actually laid my head on them.

I should also mention my old pillows probably cost less than three dollars a lot of years ago.

I am not cheap.

But I do live by this phrase that I heard for the first time when Christopher was a baby more than forty years ago, I heard this phrase for the first time: Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

The fact I protested to the discarding of these pillows shows I do believe in the merit of that statement to some degree.

At some point, items do wear out their usefulness, agreed. Although I do feel that, in this case, the gifting of three new pillows was a bit premature. 

But I can also be proud of my kids when they say, "Enough is enough" and gift me with something new.

And I must admit, all six pillows feel amazing.

Morning Coffee and Blue Mugs

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the loss of my favorite blue coffee mug - and how morning coffee had lost some of its luster because of it.

Maybe it's because 2023 has been a year of loss that I missed the joy of drinking the first dark roast coffee of the day in that mug. (In fact, another family member passed just a couple of weeks ago).

Or maybe it's because Jasmine gifted it to me a few years ago, and I hated losing such a thoughtful gift. It was a limited edition Starbucks mug. Its name, as a learned by "googling" its description is "blue swirl."

I googled it because a sudden thought popped into my mind one day: there's probably people out there who bought these mugs new to sell them later to people like me.

Lo and behold, I found one and sent the link to Rebekah. So she ordered it for me. Hurray!

But that is not the end of the story.

Timothy decided that, for his birthday a couple of weeks ago, he would not just receive gifts. He would also bestow some thoughtful gifts to people with whom he's especially close.

He told me in advance that I'd really love the gift he got me, that it was something I really wanted. "trademark" and "angel investor" all flew through my mind, but the box was the wrong shape for those items.

The box was, in fact, just the right size for two Starbucks blue swirl mugs, completely new, with the sticker still affixed to their bottoms.

Rebekah immediately said, "I'll cancel your order."

But it was too late.

And so another Starbucks blue swirl mug arrived on Friday morning.

And this mug also had its sticker on the bottom.

I am most thankful to the people that decided to buy these mugs new and sell them for a higher price than listed.

And I am more thankful to Timothy and Rebekah, who understand the importance of life's simple little pleasures - and can appreciate them, too.

Morning coffees taste extra special now.

Because a whole lot of love went into my choice of three blue mugs.

Happy Monday!

CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE - ELVIS PRESLEY (Piano Cover)

"How I Became Famous" by Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara

I vaguely recalled that Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara, had submitted this piece for WriteOn Joliet's 2021 anthology.

So when he started reading it at WriteOn Joliet's mic night on Thursday night at the Book and Bean Cafe, the first since Calkins Day 2020, I was quite unprepared for where it was going.

Ed's wife Nancy Calkins read after Ed (You'll have to wait for the video. I don't have her hard copy). 

Listening to them read, I felt stunned, humbled, and slightly embarrassed. No, they do not work for me. Yes, if I had a real marketing team, I'd hire them on the spot.

Because they are unabashedly sincere in the kind things they say. And sincerity, some days, seems like a rare commodity.

BTW, my winning the lottery really wasn't canceled. I won the day I met Ed Calkins.

So here is Ed's piece: "How I Became Famous."

You might think that dying in my sleep, going to heaven for some face time with God, and being sent back might be something noteworthy in a man’s life. For me, however, it’s just another day at the office…HIS office. Now, I can’t claim to be sure, because I don’t remember any of this happening, but, based on the facts, it isn’t hard to imagine.

              God’s office is about ten stories high, wide as it is long, about three football fields, and made of fluffy white clouds. In the middle sits the Almighty about five stories hig, sitting at his desk made of brown oakwood colored clouds cluttered with books and papers all to scale for the bearded, robed, and haired Creator, all of those things long and white.

              “Hey, you old so and so, sit your big old butt down on that cloud chair over there so we can chew the fat.” (So and so is about as close as God gets to profanity.)

              “You should talk, Best Buddy,” (I call him that.) “You’ve got the biggest oldest butt in the universe.”

              I tell him that as I sit on the cloud just large enough for my rear, but about a football field too small for his. God isn’t sensitive about his age or size, which is just a number, but in God’s case, it’s an infinite number.

              “Thanks for saying so, Little Buddy,” (He calls me that) “Let’s get you up where I can see you better.” Which, I’m sure you all realize is just God using an expression. He can’t see better because he already sees perfectly.

              The cloud chair floats to just about his desk where I can see the pictures in back of Him. The walls from desk level to the ceiling numbered about one trillion of Gods closest friends and associates. The Angel of the Eon, past popes and Dalai Lama’s mingled with other do-gooders, dare devils, patriots, rebels and of course, his very good friends. I can’t see it. There’s too many to see, but I know my picture is on that wall somewhere. As you might have guessed, God and I go way back…he goes farther of course.

              “So, little buddy, how about a Mourning Drink?”

              Let me tell you a little secret least you embarrass yourself should you ever be invited into God’s office for some face time. If you speak English, you might hear ‘morning’ drink and ask for tea or coffee. God will cover your mistake, but you’re only going to get tea that’s maybe three to six times as the best tea you’ve tasted or nine to five and three quarters the best coffee you’ve tasted. If you answer correctly, you’ll get the best drink you will ever taste and the story to go along with its creation.

              ‘Mourning Drink’ is the translated name of a beverage made but rarely consumed by the Procon people of the 36th galaxy, five billion eons ago give or take. They can be best remembered for two things: healthy food and being disagreeable. As the name suggests, all of Procanius was divided into two groups; the Professionals, who were educated, wise, fair, and right in all things and the Convicts who were unscrupulous, stupid, unworthy, and always wrong. The Pros and the Cons agreed on almost nothing except the importance of healthy food, but the thing they disagreed strongest on was which group was the Pros and which was the Cons.

              Anyway, they crafted a drink made of all the heathiest fruits and vegetables blended together into a kind of green, smelly, soup. All of these plants tasted disagreeable enough by themselves, but combined, they took ‘disagreeable’ to a whole higher level. Of course, no one could stand the tastes, but each Procon pretended it was the staple of their diet.                                                                                                                   The drink got its name by the way actually use. If a person died who left you a better job, a large inheritance, or a better locker and you needed to seem sad about the person’s death, a glass of the stuff could keep you crying all day. Still, Procons produced and purchased far more of this drink than they ever consumed so when they became extinct during a planet wide hunger strike, they left behind barrels of the stuff to age.

              Normally fruits and vegetables ferment when aged but the bacteria responsible could not survive on such disagreeable of food source. Trapped inside a barrel, the hostile flavors were forced to battle each other as the eons continued to pass. Flavor against flavor the biological slop continued fighting and fighting until the disagreement could sustain no more. When every last fiber of disagreeableness is spent, the now single favor simply surrenders.

              God knows the precise moment when the Mourning drink is ready for heaven. An industrial barrel will materialize on the desk between you and the Almighty. God will hold up his finger in a dramatized pause. Then the barrels top will spit upward, the barrel will spill toward God’s very large cup, pour with the consistency of a thick milkshake, filling the air with the most agreeable aroma imaginable, then pitch backward and fill your cup before falling of the desk and into a trash basket.

              But what does it taste like? There are no words, of course but if cream were just creamier, if fruity were just fruitier, if refreshing refreshed better, if delicious just had a better taste, maybe I could describe it. Put it this way. Everything the slightest disagreeable is banished from this experience. The creamy concoction will start by agreeing with your tastebuds and nose, then topple down your throat agreeing as it does. Stomachs? The Mourning drink couldn’t agree with them more. In fact every part of your body will find a harmonious singularity with what you’ve put in your heavenly body. You’ll find the perfect satisfaction with a drink that leaves you ready in the extreme to begin your day of heavenly hobbies or sports such as bridge, backgammon, baseball, surfing, cloud riding, or if you’re lucky enough to make a team, newspaper delivery.

              Best Buddy God, after polishing off his drink, puts his chin in his palm and leans towards me smiling.

              “So, little buddy, how did you enjoy the life I designed for you?”

              “Man, was it ever great. Winning wars, accepting awards, flying through space in my fleet of star ships while managing solar systems while trying to avoid being taken prisoner by desperate supermodels begging to join my harem…”

              God seems unimpressed. So I added, “And my real life was really good too.”

              God brightens. “That wife I saved for you had something to do with it, I bet.”

              “Boy was she great! I hope she wasn’t too missed in her troop of little angels.”

              “We managed without her,” He allows. “Anything for my Little Buddy. I knew you’d enjoy the imagination I gave you too.”

              “Who wouldn’t,” I replied gratefully.

              I finish the last gulp of my mourning drink and lean back on my cloud just enjoying the feeling that pours through my entire body. Of course, when I leave His office, I’m sure to find that I’ve been drafted by some heavenly newspaper delivery team with a high enough draft pick to afford me. Then I noticed something in God’s face.

              “Something seems to be troubling you, Best Buddy,” I tell him. “Care to talk about it? I’m here for you, you know.”

              “Now, funny that you should mention that, Little Buddy, because I am trouble by what my divine foresight is telling me. It seems that my little friend is about to give me some advice.”

              God stares at me in accusation.

              “Well…’advice’ is a strong word. Maybe a little suggestion…”

              “You think I should make your birthday a national holiday.”

              “I’ve thought about it all my life,” I try to sound convincing. “It would be really good for the economy.”

              “Little Buddy, you do realize that I know everything!”

              “Don’t I,” I quip. “You’re the biggest know-it-all in the universe. That makes you a super-nerd. Why, I’ll bet that if you knew a little less, you’d have a girlfriend right now.”

              God’s eyes get all twinkly.

              “Little Buddy, that’s true on so many levels,” But the twinkling leaves replaced by annoyance. “I really too smart to ever need a little buddy’s advice, don’t you think?”

              “Come on, Best Buddy, I’m not the only person whose ever tried to suggest what you should do to help.”

              “True enough,” He sighs. One of the disadvantages of being everywhere at once is that I have to be at all the churches, temples, and mosques of the world to listen to people asking me to do something in specific detail as if I was some kind of divine idiot that needed a blueprint. The only thing more insulting is when that try to flatter me in an effort to gain my favor. Don’t they know I love them? They say they do, but the so and so they put into prays…well, they mean well.”

              “Yeah, isn’t it silly how that ask you for things instead of just letting you decide? That’s why I never went to church…”

              God shoots me a glare.

              “Look, Little Buddy, if you wanted your birthday celebrated, you should have done something to make you famous.”

              “But I was busy running my imaginary universes. Do you know how much time that took? Those spaceships don’t fly themselves and those supermodels get smarter every year…”

              “Might I remind you that I created everything? I think I know how much time it takes to run a universe.”

              “But did you ever create an imaginary one?”

              “I don’t have too. Everything I imagine is reality.”

              “So, I guess maybe you don’t…well OK you do but…”

              “Listen, Little Buddy, there are only 356 days in the calendar year, but there are trillions of people on Earth and nearly every one of them wants to be remembered. You know your…”

              “You’ve told me many times, God. I’m not the only person in the world, blah blah blah…”

              Now, I’m in trouble. God’s eyes narrow as he looks down on me with furrowed bushy white eyebrows. Even little buddies can cross the line.

              “Er what I mean, Mr. Best Buddy God sir, is the other people work so hard at a Blah Blah job. I just think they work too hard. Don’t you?”

              For a long minute, God just stares at me. Then, much to my relief, His eyebrows unfurrowed, and he sighs.

              “They do,” He agreed with resignment.

              “And most of them only get three days off per year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. Oh, there are other holidays that aren’t important enough, but what if there were three holidays in a row? Wouldn’t that be special?”

              God almost groans.

              “Let me guess. You think that Lincoln’s Birthday and Valentine’s day should book end ‘Little Buddies’ day. I told you I don’t like you pulling rank. You were supposed to keep our friendship secret.”

              “It doesn’t have to be ‘little buddy’s day’, it could just be Ed Calkins day. “(that’s my name)

              “It doesn’t matter. National Holidays are made by an act of Congress, not an act of God.”

              “But you could use your influence…”

              “Believe me, Little Buddy, those guys don’t ever listen to me. Your life is over. It’s time for you to enjoy eternity in heaven. To make you famous enough for a holiday, you’d have to go back among the living and do something really incredible, something really heroic.”

              “You could help me, right?”

              “Of course I would. When have I not? But you’d have to do it…whatever ‘it’ is.”

              “I’d be ok with that.”

              God gives a heavy sigh before waging his finger at me menacingly.

              “I indulge you way too much, Little Buddy.”

              I nodded in grateful agreement.

              Still glaring at me, he picks up his divine phone which must be on speaker as I could hear both ends.

              “Gabriel here.”

              “Listen, Gab, there’s going to be a change in the Divine Plan. We have to put a hold on the next ice age. Remember that reporter that we’ve been watching…the one with the two last names and a bunch of kids.”

              “Denise Baran-Unland?”

              “Yeah…I need you to cancel that winning lottery ticket. Give it to someone else, I don’t care who.”

              “Are you sure, God? She could really use the money.”

              “I know. That’s the whole point. She’ll have to deliver newspapers as well as write for them to make ends meet. I’ve got a character for her career as a novelist, and she needs to meet this guy in person. Oh, another thing. Tell the AOD (Angel of Death) squad that I’ve got a returner in my office. I want him back in his body before it gets cold.”

              “Roger that,”

              He hangs up the phone.

              “Ok Little Buddy, go down there and be a character. I won’t bother asking you to keep quiet about this whole ‘trip to heaven’ thing because we both know you can’t keep a secret. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t remember.”

              “That would be great! I love you Best Buddy.”

              “I love you too, annoying Little Buddy.”

              That would have been thirteen years ago.

              Again, I can’t claim to be sure about all this, but it isn’t hard for me to image this happening because suddenly I lost my job when competing newspapers consolidated. To make things even better, I couldn’t find another one except the offer that required more work, longer hours, and more stress, all at less money with nearly an hour’s commute. I was going to take that job until I could find another, but the hours were so long that I never got around to it. Good fortune never looks like it.

              What I did get around to is meeting some of the best people I’ve ever known and will never forget. But also, just as it must have been in the revised Divine Plan, I met Denise, who was writing a novel and agreed to include me as a minor vampire type character. And I know she tried her level best to keep me a ‘minor character’ in what started as a novel, became a series, and is currently working its way to a franchise. The ‘Bryony’ Series is three books long and includes Bryony, Visage, and Staked. Now, you might say the series is a cautionary tale, and you’d be right. But you might also say the series is about a young woman turned mom and her struggle with her heart and the damage vampires do to it when she falls in love at a too young of age. You’d be wrong! What the books are about is Ed Calkins, of course and the cautionary tale is; if Ed Calkins asks you to marry, he might only ask once.

              Once the series was a thing, Denise, who never won the lottery, wrote a five part prequel she named “Before the Blood’ which traces the lives of a young woman and three men before they were vampires. Although the piece is brilliantly written as it’s again, all about me, she never mentions my name which angered her fan base. So, in an effort to save her from the cyber bullying and death threats I offered to write my own prequel.

              Heroes are seldom celebrated in their own time and Denise is hardly finished as a literary powerhouse, but to come to the consensus that she is the greats writer in human history will take several decades to find clarity. Though “Ruthless”, my prequel will never rise to the level of Denise’s work, it will be noted that the publishing of it likely saved the greatest writer of all time and for that, Calkins Day is sure to be celebrated on Feb. 13, started with parades all over the globe.