We're Not Meant to Hide Under the Bed

My post for Feb. 16, "My Cat is a Phoenix," summarized yet another story of my calico Faith's triumph of her small cell lymphoma that should have claimed her life in 2022.

However, on February 20, I reached out to Dr. Beechler, who had provided end-of-life care and euthanasia to Frances and Midnight, to assess Faith. 

Dr. Beechler offered to come out the following morning, which she did.

You see, Faith was back to doing Faith things: eating, drinking, cuddling, sitting in my chair, looking out the window - except she was also spending more and more time hiding under my bed.

That behavior began around the holidays, when Faith started what I termed "sundowning" - retreating beneath my bed for a few hours starting around twilight.

But during her past week of life, she spent all of her time under the bed, except when performing the above-mentioned activities.

I was 50/50 on what to do.

And so was Dr. Beechler when she arrived that Saturday morning and assessed her. Faith was overall doing well, except she had now developed a heart murmur she didn't have the previous week.

So technically, Faith hit all the "quality of life" markers for a cat - except for hiding under the bed.

She was living life, but not living life, if that makes sense.

When I woke up that Saturday morning, even before I opened my eyes, I gave Faith a test she didn't know I'd given her.

As was her habit, Faith started off the night sleeping on her blanket on my bed.

By morning, she'd be sitting on top of my little cabinet near the bed, looking out the window, also her habit.

So that morning, I opened my eyes and looked at the cabinet. No Faith.

You guessed it. Faith was already hiding under the bed.

While people and animals need to slip into their comfort ones from time to time, we all know that true growth and the meaning of life is not found by hiding under the bed.

That repeated, persistent act from Faith told me her quality of life had lost that indefinable quality that made life quality for Faith, enough that she tried to find solace in retreat.

As we navigate through life, sometimes we need to find solace in retreat. But I believe we instinctively know that trye life happens beyond our comfort zones. 

As uncomfortable life is beyond those comfort zones, life's elusive magic is really found there.

And as we and our loved ones journey through life, we, too, will need to discern when to fight, when to step back, when to stive for a cure, for palliative care, for hospice, for the afterlife.

None of these discernments come with easily defined markers and boxes to check.

Not for us. And apparently not for our pets either.

But on February 21, when I opened my eyes to Faith's empty spot at the window, I knew one thing for certain.

We didn't bring Faith back from the brink of death to hide under the bed.

And so, a few hours later, we let her go.