Monday, May 31, 2021

Guess Who was Caught Doing Nothing?

 Me!

I finally had the opportunity yesterday to try out the beauiful patio furniture Jasmine left at my back door on Mother's Day.

Timothy caught me and snapped a couple pictures for posterity.

By the way, I was drinking a very nice dark roast from a mug that was also a gift from Jasmine a couple of years ago.

I have no firm plans for today except to have only one firm plan.

And that's to take a moment of silence at 3 p.m. today.




Friday, May 28, 2021

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, May 22 through May 28

Good morning!

I have twenty-two stories to share with you this morning - with sixteen that haven't posted to The Herald-News website yet, so watch for them over the weekend.

Here's a quick summary of where I'm at, fiction-wise.

I am waiting on the proof copy of the next book in The Adventures of Cornell Dyer chaper book series: Cornell Dyer and the Whispering Wardrobe. I read the first chapter at WriteOn Joliet and received a good response, so I'm excited to send it into the world.

Timothy and I will (hopefully) start work soonon the next book in the series: Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones - especially now that school is done for him and Daniel for the semester.

The first book in the new BryonySeries Limbo trilogy The Phoenix should be available this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend, I'm hoping to get some work done on the second book of the Limbo trilogy - Call of the Siren - but because of the abundance of new characters and situations, I am pretty much starting from scratch, so progress is slow. Fortunately, I have a good chunk of free time over the next few days, so that should help quite a bit.

I'm also hoping to get started on a new series in the BryonySeries , one Sarah suggested to me over a decade ago. It's aimed at tween girls, so if you have a tween, are a tween, or will have a tween someday, this might interest you.

Now back to the twenty-two feature stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!

But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -

Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.

Check out the recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook pageWe're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need support in your writing, I highly recommend this Twitter group: #5amwritersclub. I  joined it last year. Writers support each other on Twitter and meet every three weeks at 5 a.m. (4 a.m. CST - needless to say, I am often late!) on Zoom.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide and Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story and Book Review Newsletter at https://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

BRYONYSERIES BOOKS

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

BRYONYSERIES EVENTS

A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

All the park’s a stage this Thursday through Sunday in Joliet: Free ‘Shakespeare and Art in the Park’ event comes to Bicentennial Park

It’s hard receiving a cancer diagnosis - even when you’re an oncology nurse: Former Frankfort resident Nicole Houlihan spent last year walking in the footsteps of her patients

Silver Cross chaplain blessed nurse’s hands during Nurses’ Week 2021: Barbara Manning accommodated nurses on all 6 floors on all 3 shifts in 2 1/2 days at the New Lenox hospital 

LocalLit book preview: middle-aged in the 1970s, longing for the 1940s: Former NewLenox resident pays tribute to his father’s single-panel cartoons

And the book review:

Troy students participate in cardio drumming for fun and fitness: P.E. teacher used the activity with in-person and remote learning students

LocalLit book review: an examination of faith from all its angles: A review of New Lenox Writers Group anthology ‘Matters of Faith’ is not simply about the obvious meaning of the word

19 students at D. 86 in Joliet will receive $1,000 scholarships: Joliet Region Chamber of Commerce wants students to start planning for college 

119 Lockport High School students named Illinois State Scholars 

NROTC is giving #Plainfield student a ‘full-ride’ college scholarship: Brooke Anderson hopes to be a public affairs officer f:or the Marines one day 

An Extraordinary Life: It will be hard to ‘fill the shoes’ of this Timbers of #Shorewood volunteer: ‘Her energy totally changed the mood of a room’

Here are 2 places kids can receive free breakfast and lunch this summer: Joliet church, Troy school district, participating in summer meal programs

When it comes to summer camps, this Troy science teacher is full STEAM ahead 

Pets of the Week: May 24: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption

Attend a family friendly ‘short-form improv’ event and help vulnerable kids: Clean comedy show at historic Lockport theater will benefit Christian camp for foster children

Providence Catholic HS announces its valedictorian and salutatorian for 2021: Dylan Riemen is valedictorian and Mia Paolella is salutatorian  

The “Worst” barber shop in Plainfield to celebrate 140 years: Family-owned Lincoln Way Barber Shop to celebrate with $1.40 hair cuts, open house

This food program was a nutritional lifeline to kids during the pandemic: National School Public Relations Association presents a Distinguished Service Award to Bags of Hope backpack food program 

Troy honors retiring staff and principals at all 7 schools: The Troy CommunitySchool District 30-C school board recognized them at its May meeting

Check out 5 suggestions for enjoying this Memorial Weekend: Will County Inside/Outside Guide offers suggestions for enjoying your weekend

All 18 D. 202 elementary schools to offer full-day kindergarten starting in August: Half-day kindergarten may not be offered at all schools @d202schools

Plainfield Academy, BASES program, each receive $20,000 from anonymous donor: Donor encouraged recipients to ‘think big’ when it came to spending it 






Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."




Thursday, May 27, 2021

How is a Cat Like a Refrigerator?

That was the question posed to readers this week in a monthly newsletter I receive from a marketing and sales organization.

Of course, I had no idea, so I read on. 

The answer was that they both can hold fish, they both have tails, and they both come in various colors.

Both have tails?

I read this to Rebekah, and she said, "Yes. The refrigerator has a cord."

Ah! Light bulb moment!

The whole point of the riddle was to nudge authors like me to look at the familiar (in this case, our books) and see what it has in common with something that, at first glance, no commonality exists, so we can gain fresh persectives on our marketing and, with those perspectives, new opportunities for sales.

But really, we can apply that type of thinking anywhere, including the situations we encounter in our daily life.

Think about it.










Wednesday, May 26, 2021

"Ode on the Death of a Favourite Cat Drowned in a Tub of Goldfishes" by Thomas Gray

Here is another vintage cat poem that is fun to read. Last week I posted this one.

The illustration is by Beatrix Potter from her story "Peter Rabbit," which went into the public domain a few years ago. It is one of my favorite Potter illustrations.

And if you haven't read all of the works of Beatrix Potter ("The Tale of Mr. Tod," "The Tale of Two Bad Mice," and so on), you're missing a real treat.


"Ode on the Death of a Favourite Cat Drowned in a Tub of Goldfishes" by Thomas Gray

 

Where China’s gayest art had dyed

The azure flowers that blow;

Demurest of the tabby kind,

The pensive Selima, reclined,

Gazed on the lake below.

 

Her conscious tail her joy declared;

The fair round face, the snowy beard,

The velvet of her paws,

Her coat, that with the tortoise vies,

Her ears of jet, and emerald eyes,

She saw; and purred applause.

 

Still had she gazed; but ’midst the tide

Two angel forms were seen to glide,

The genii of the stream;

Their scaly armour’s Tyrian hue

Through richest purple to the view

Betrayed a golden gleam.

 

The hapless nymph with wonder saw;

A whisker first and then a claw,

With many an ardent wish,

She stretched in vain to reach the prize.

What female heart can gold despise?

What cat’s averse to fish?

 

Presumptuous maid! with looks intent

Again she stretch’d, again she bent,

Nor knew the gulf between.

(Malignant Fate sat by, and smiled)

The slippery verge her feet beguiled,

She tumbled headlong in.

Eight times emerging from the flood

She mewed to every watery god,

Some speedy aid to send.

No dolphin came, no Nereid stirred;

Nor cruel Tom, nor Susan heard;

A Favourite has no friend!

 

From hence, ye beauties, undeceived,

Know, one false step is ne’er retrieved,

And be with caution bold.

Not all that tempts your wandering eyes

And heedless hearts, is lawful prize;

Nor all that glisters, gold.





Tuesday, May 25, 2021

"Nutshell Studies of Unexplained Death"

As a child, I loved dolls, dollhouses and Gothic and supernatural fiction.

As an adult, I still love dolls, dollhouses and Gothic and supernatural fiction.

This was the most amazing dollhouse I've ever seen - and it neatly combined all of the above loves.

A must watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NiNBgs8-hE&t=31s

Side note: The dollhouse photo I shared is not from the video, but from the former doll collection of Andrea Magosky

Andrea, along with her husband Pat, owned a Victorian museum that had been their son's dream to develop before his sudden death.

They graciously let the BryonySeries team film the first trailer and music video inside the museum and hosted a pre-release event, too.



Monday, May 24, 2021

Sue's Diner: Stewed Fruit with Cream

 The following recipe appears in the cooknbook Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony."

Background on where this week's recipe falls in the BryonySeries novel Bryony:

 Melissa is thrilled when John finally invites her to a picnic away from the mansion, just the two of them. Of course, John feels Bryga packed enough food to feed them for a week, but even that careless remark couldn’t completely dampen Melissa’s excitement of being alone with John.

This recipe was adapted from the nineteenth century cookbook Miss Beecher’s domestic receiptbook: designed as a supplement to her Treatise on domestic economy.

Try this recipe on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.

But try the recipe this week. It will be gone next week. A new recipe will take it's place. 

By the way, Sue's Diner is only real in the BryonySeries world. But didn't Timothy do a great job making the page look like a real menu at a vintage diner?

Here is the full diner page: bryonyseries.com/sue-s-diner.


All proceeds from Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles From "Bryony" benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties at bbbswillgrundy.org.

Order the cookbook at bryonyseries.com.




Friday, May 21, 2021

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, May 15 through May 21

 Good morning - and WHEW! What a busy week.

I have twenty-eight stories to share with you this morning - with a thirteen that haven't posted to The Herald-News website yet (and several more in progress).

Here's a quick summary of where I'm at, fiction-wise.

I am waiting on the proof copy of the next book in The Adventures of Cornell Dyer chaper book series: Cornell Dyer and the Whispering Wardrobe. I read the first chapter at WriteOn Joliet and received a good response, so I'm excited to send it into the world.

Timothy and I will (hopefully) start work soonon the next book in the series: Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones - especially now that school is done for him and Daniel for the semester.

I'm hoping to finish the final copy edits tonight in the new BryonySeries Limbo trilogy (The Phoenix) If I don't to make any substantial changes to it, we could have a release before June.

This weekend: I'm hoping to get some work done on the second book of the Limbo trilogy - Call of the Siren - but because of the abundance of new characters and situations, I am pretty much starting from scratch, so progress is slow.

I'm also hoping to get started on a new series in the BryonySeries , one Sarah suggested to me over a decade ago. It's aimed at tween girls, so if you have a tween, are a tween, or will have a tween someday, this might interest you.

Now back to the twenty-eight feature stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!

But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -

Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.

Check out the recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook pageWe're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need support in your writing, I highly recommend this Twitter group: #5amwritersclub. I  joined it last year. Writers support each other on Twitter and meet every three weeks at 5 a.m. (4 a.m. CST - needless to say, I am often late!) on Zoom.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide and Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story and Book Review Newsletter at https://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

BRYONYSERIES BOOKS

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

BRYONYSERIES EVENTS

A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

Most doctor’s offices in Will and Grundy counties currently not offering COVID-19 vaccines: Health care experts discuss logistical challenges and why mass vaccination sites are still the best routes for now.

Plainfield high school seniors recognized for ‘superior academic potential’: 219 D. 202 students named 2021-2022 Illinois State Scholars

An Extraordinary Life ‘He was all about family and friends and faith’: Despite health challenges, Dick Arambasich of Shorewood served anyone in need

Lockport residents: destroy old documents for free on June 5: A variety of documents will be accepted

D. 202 C.A.P.E. parent group recognized outstanding parents, community members, teachers and staff: Awards given to both 2020 and 2021 recipients on April 21

Joliet native Jim Ridings was presented with awards for 2 of his books: The Illinois State Historical Society presented the awards at its April 23 meeting in Springfield

A COVID-19 vaccine clinic may be coming to your child’s school: Will County Health Department working on scheduling COVID-19 vaccine clinics at 12 school districts - so far - in Will County

D. 202 Board honors 2 leaders, 1 social worker: Ron Kazmar, David Koch, Amanda Lulek received awards on April 26

Terri King receives ‘Woman of the Year’ award from Zonta Club of the Joliet: King is co-founder of NAMI Will-Grundy and has helped victims of sex trafficking

Edward-Elmhurst Health donated PPE to assist with COVID-19 care in India: The supplies will be distributed to rural hospitals and COVID-19 camps

LocalLit book preview: delving into ‘matters of faith’: New Lenox Writers Group published anthology with writings on spirituality, reviewing going out Tuesday

Cathie Pezanoski named IASA Superintendent of Distinction: Pezanoski is superintendent of Elwood CCSD 203
















Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."

Thursday, May 20, 2021

Have You Seen This Mouse? Please Send Him Home

Every now and again Bertrand the Mouse goes missing. That's not surprising when you're a little crocheted mouse who loves adventures - and you're owned by a mistress that's a little distracted a lot of the time.

But we usually discover his disappearance fairly quickly. And we usually can retrace my steps (his steps?) and find him fairly quickly.

The longest he's ever been gone is a week - and when we found found him, he was full of cat litter. Yes, he promptly had a bath!

After that, we made sure to keep him where the cats could not reach him. (If only crocheted mice could talk...).

If you think we're being silly, please know this mouse has an ongoing book series.

He published his first cookbook a few months ago.

He has his own Instagram page.

He has visited several classrooms in the Joliet and Plainfield area and passed through the hands of many, many children who love him.

And, yes, he has respectfully worn a facemask over the last year (COVID vaccinations have not yet been approved for crocheted mice).

This past winter, when Bertrand wasn't having adventures, he lived in my left coat pocket. I obsessively check my pocket whenever I'm out walking to ensure he is still there. 

Because, you know, of all the times I've lost him.

A couple weeks ago, I did not take his picture for four days because life just became too busy. Usually Bertrand gets a bit grumpy about that. But this time, he didn't complain.

So when I reached into the pocket of my coat, which was hanging on a door hook, well, he was gone.

This was on Mother's Day. Four of us spent hours looking for him.

We have spent a good deal of time looking for him ever since that day.

No Bertrand.

So if you HAVE seen him, please contact us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. 

And please tell him we miss him and want him to come home.






Wednesday, May 19, 2021

A Song For Sarah

 Below is a picture of my fourth child Timothy with my second child Sarah on Mother's Day 2016 at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery.

Sarah doesn't get back to Illinois that often, so we chose to spend Mother's Day that year by paying tribute to our mothers-in-law and grandmothers.

Now Sarah was just six years old when Timothy was born, but she was certainly old enough to know he was more fun than her dolls. She jumped right into being a helper, which included changing diapers and helping out during colic with a pacifier (he wouldn't accept one from me) when he was all "nursed out."

When Timothy started saying "Mama," he applied that to Sarah, too, to Sarah's delight. (I straightened him out).

The two have remained close over the years. So for Mother's Day, he recorded this song for her.

Now before you think I'm getting sentimental, I have a quick story to share.

Timothy likes to sing, and he has a naturally nice singing voice. The rest of us sing like out-of-tune sick frogs, at best.

Sarah and Timothy were sitting in the back seat of the family van singing a new Backstreet Boys song - "I Want it That Way" - when she pointed out his voice.

Timothy could hit the high notes on any song like no other and used to practice hitting them by singing over John Schlitt while listening to old Petra CDs when we threw the newspaper routes in the middle of the night.

One day when Timothy was in his late teens, he launched into Disney's "A Whole New World." And we cracked up because he could sing both parts accurately and well.

Now that he's thirty, he has to strain a small bit to hit those high notes - but he can still hit them. Timothy's rendition of "A Whole New World" has become urban legend in our family.

So he recorded a really sweet version on Mother's Day (the first link) for Sarah.

The second link is a version we caught on a crummy cell phone more than ten years ago on the Sunday before Thanksgiving Day.

He had to work a brunch at Joliet Junior College's Renaissance Center and was late to the family party at my mother's house. No one could believe he could hit those notes.

But the people present had heard the rumors. So - Timothy found the lyrics on his cell phone and proved his stuff.

His oldest brother Christopher recorded it on his cell phone. So if it looks as if Timothy is lip syncing it, well, he's not. Ah, vintage cell phone technology.

Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdU1paRL8Pg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpMbNILhkNQ




Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Three Ways to be Happy for Five Minutes

Lots of people are having a great day today.

And, most likely, lots of people are not.

The reasons can be circumstantial, health issues of any kind, or simply being in a state of unhappiness that defies explanations.

There's a lot of talk these days about about "being mindful" and "being in the moment," but some moments aren't that terrific, honestly.

But if you're not feeling well or if you are feeling stressed or otherwise not on top of the world today, take five minutes and apply a slogan that old people like me were taught in the old days in regards to crossing railway tracks.

Stop.

Look.

Listen.

I'm really not being silly. Just do it.

Now maybe when you stop and look and listen, you don't like what you see and here. Let's say, for instance, you see a messy house and hear the kids bickering. 

But could it also mean noticing you have a home with plenty of possessions that need straightening and cleaning (many people don't any possessions or a home) and a house full of life (even though living on an island "sounds" like a good idea right now).

Every coin has two sides, even if the second side is blank. 

On Sunday morning, after treating myself to sleeping in, I settled at the computer to get some work (on deadline) done, only to find that, for the second day in a row, I've had to restart the computer. 

I had no choice but to stop. So I figured, instead of getting annoyed, I could look and listen.

Well, my desk is FULL of paperwork that needs sorting, a water bottle, reheated coffee from yesterday, and my cell phone.

The paperwork shows I have plenty of stories to write. I have the financial means of buying water bottles as well as a nice working refrigerator/freezer to keep the bottles frosty cold (the way I like them).

Drinking yesterday's coffee means I have people who love me so much that they brought me a nice Americano late yesterday before I could drink it all.

And they bought it from a place that makes coffee so well, the texture and flavor doesn't break down in the microwave (and I have a working microwave that, within seconds, heats coffee to the temperature I prefer).

My phones are handpicked by Timothy because he understands my job duties and selects phones to match. The last phone I bought with my own money was twenty years ago. If my phone malfuctions, Timothy calls the insurance company, Timothy gets the new phone in, Timothy transfers all my data and pictures at a time that is conveniennt to me, too. 

He does all this voluntarily.

If the computer doens't boot up (it eventually did, which is how I'm writing this blog), I have a laptop, my daughter has a laptop, my two sons each have a laptop, and my daughter also has a desktop. So it's not the end of the world (or my job) if the computer I WANT to use in this moment doesn't boot up).

Note: I finally did have to call on Rebekah for help.

The sun is shining through my window, the birds are tweeting up a storm, and a cat is sleeping on my bed. So even as I'm working, I'm surrounding by good weather and life.

I'm really not trying to be all pollyanish here.

Taking five minutes won't change the fact that the house still has to be cleaned, the kids still have to be discplined, and the cat hair will still have to be brushed away. If you have a migraine, that's probably still there, and if you have knee paiin, that probably hasn't gone away.

Stories don't write themselves (I wish!), and if I want to keep myself in water bottles and dark roast coffee, well, I have to write the stories, even in those moments when I'm tired or uninspired or distracted or too busy, or...well, fill in the blanks.

But by taking five minutes to stop and look and listen, you hit "pause" on the stress and mentally refresh yourself to tackle those challenges.

And, for just five minutes, perhaps you can feel a twinge of happiness, however fleeting and transient.

And, perhaps, in those moments, you feel a whisper of hope to help pull you through the rest.

Have a most blessed day.











Monday, May 17, 2021

Sue's Diner: Cinnamon Lozenges

 The following recipe appears in the cookbook Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles from "Bryony."

Background on where this week's recipe falls in the BryonySeries novel Bryony:

 When Melissa develops a crush on Henry, she boldly approaches him for a date. Henry seizes his chance to enlarge Melissa’s world and gives her a kaleidoscope evening of theatre, historical landmarks, and peasant food. 

This recipe is modified from the Bohemian-American Cookbook by Marie Rosicky, published by the Automatic Printing Company (www.autoprintomaha.com). 

The version of the cookbook I had was published more than one hundred years ago. The Automatic Publishing Company is still publishing it today.

Try this recipe on the Sue's Diner page on the BryonySeries website.

But try the fish salad recipe this week. It will be gone next week. A new recipe will take it's place. 

By the way, Sue's Diner is only real in the BryonySeries world. But didn't Timothy do a great job making the page look like a real menu at a vintage diner?


All proceeds from Memories in the Kitchen: Bites and Nibbles From "Bryony" benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Will and Grundy Counties at bbbswillgrundy.org.

Order the cookbook at bryonyseries.com.





Saturday, May 15, 2021

Steward Setback Saturday: On Becoming an Ed Calkins Wife, Part One

While Ed Calkins and his real wife Nancy Calkins are catching up on real socialization, I decided to run one of Ed's old blog posts.

For people new to the blog, Ed Calkins is a former supervisor of mine whom I legally fictionalized in the BryonySeries, which was easy to do because he had already fictionalized himself at work.

He called himself a "ruthless dictator" and the "Steward of Tara" - with a goal of having more wives than King Solomon (except Ed's harem is a verbal harem only).

"You only verbally agree to join my harem," Ed tells Melissa in "Bryony." "This way, I make wives left and right.”

I added the undead part, making Ed the first and only official Irish vampire in th world, since Ireland does not have any official vampire lore of its own.

Ed recently published Ruthless, which is the first novel in the BryonySeries that was not written by me. 

Because Ed the character and Ed the person is considered an unreliable narrator (as this post will show), he has boundless freedom to bend the characters and plots in the BryonySeries to create his own stories. 

He also wrote my Irish back story (I am not Irish), a collection of humorous essays about my ancestry.

Needless to say, I have a lot of respect for Nancy. As she's told me many times, she has to live with him!

Enjoy!

 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

On Becoming an Ed Calkins Wife, Part 1

By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara

 

On this topic of qualifications for wives of Ed Calkins, understand that one must actually meet Ed Calkins in person (unless, of course, you're holding one of my famous dollar bills; more on this later. Or maybe you'd consider sending it back as a gift to your new hubby? If one percent responds to that favorably, I'm buying a new car (matchbox)).

 

Meeting me in person is actually quite a task because I'm quite reclusive. This may surprise anyone that has actually seen me in person, but it's true. You see, I enjoy my little delusions very much and find the easiest way to confirm them is to avoid any evidence to the contrary. This means avoiding people.

 

Yes, I know there's always simple denial, but that takes out all the energy for ruling my fantastical realm. In fact, it's because I'm so much of a hermit that normally, when I do get out, I have a lot of pent up socialization to unleash.

 

Still, it’s actually quite difficult to get me out of my little man cave. I have a standing date with wives one, two, and four every Friday at five o'clock, but it usually takes three or four phone calls to get me there by six (true story, all of it).

 

Another qualification is age. A prospective wife must be reasonably mature. Now, I know you Tilted Kilt girls are going to claim being "mature for your age," but that isn't helpful at all. The legal age for drinking and adulthood might be twenty-one, but if you're only thirty-one and trying to marry Ed Calkins, you better look awfully old for your age. Even those women under forty-one might get adopted instead of married.


What's the difference? The later might get a rose the day after Calkins Day, the former gets a Barbie doll around Christmas (if you're good).

 

More later.

 

Ruthlessly yours,

Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara




Friday, May 14, 2021

Story Round-Up: Features in The Herald-News, May 8 through May 14

Good morning!

I have fourteen stories to share with you this morning - with a whopping eighteen that haven't posted to The Herald-News website yet.

Here's a quick summary of where I'm at, fiction-wise.

Rebekah is finishing up a Kindle for a client and then she will format the next book in The Adventures of Cornell Dyer series (Cornell Dyer and the Whispering Wardrobe). Because, yes, I did finish it last weekend, hurray.

This means Timothy and I just might be starting the next book in the series: Cornell Dyer and the Calcium-Deficient Bones

A new proof copy of the first book in the new BryonySeries Limbo trilogy (The Phoenix) is on its way. If I don't to make any substantial changes to it, we could have a release by June.

Last night, I did spend some time on the second book if the Limbo trilogy - Call of the Siren - but I am far, far, far away from having more than a very loose-ish outline done. I don't even have a good working draft.

Now, I'm not unmotivated and my muse has not dried up. But the book is a substantial change from the other books in the series, so I have a lot of back end work to get done.

Now back to the fourteen feature stories. Simply click on the link of the story that looks interesting to you. Happy scrolling!

But before the stories, I have a list of additional resources and information. Please check them out, too -

Finally, if you'd like to find more kindness in your life, consider this book.

And have a great Friday!

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Sue's Diner is a fictional restaurant in the fictional Munsonville that only exists in the BryonySeries.

Each Sunday, we post a new recipe. The recipe is either featured in one of our cookbooks or will be featured in an upcoming cookbook.

Check out the recipe here.

WRITERS

If you're a writer anywhere in the world, you're welcome to join WriteOn Joliet's Facebook pageWe're based in Joliet, Illinois, but we love to meet and interact with writers outside our area, too.

If you'd like to officially join WriteOn Joliet, we have two tiers of dues. We also have a marketing arm that's getting longer every year, well, except this year. Check us out at writeonjoliet.com.

I also suggest this book: Little Book of Revision: A Checklist for Fiction Writers. It's exactly as it says. Each page some with one suggestion for revision. The rest of the page is blank, so you can add your own notes. All proceeds benefit WriteOn Joliet.

If you need support in your writing, I highly recommend this Twitter group: #5amwritersclub. I  joined it last year. Writers support each other on Twitter and meet every three weeks at 5 a.m. (4 a.m. CST - needless to say, I am often late!) on Zoom.

If you need editing or help with self-publishing, check out dmbaranunland.com.

ARTISTS

If you need an artist for a project, I offer these recommendations.

NEWSLETTERS

Sign up for the Will County Go Guide and Sign up for the LocalLit Short Story and Book Review Newsletter at https://www.theherald-news.com/newsletter/

Sign up for The Munsonville Times by emailing us at bryonyseries@gmail.com. The newsletter still isn't official yet, so we don't have an actual link on the website - but we are working on it! 

SOCIAL MEDIA

Daily updates: I do post the briefs on Twitter during the week, so you're welcome to follow me at @Denise_Unland61.

BryonySeries stuff: I post curated content relating to the BryonySeries at @BryonySeries. And assorted related content at www.facebook.com/BryonySeries.

And of course, please follow the adventures of Bertrand the Mouse on Instagram at bertrand_bryonyseries.

BRYONYSERIES BOOKS

For books and more information about the series, visit bryonyseries.com.

BRYONYSERIES EVENTS

A full month of virtual events can be found at bryonyseries.com/calendar-of-events-1.

QUESTIONS

Email me at bryonyseries@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading The Herald-News. And for reading this blog. And if you've read (or plan to read) any of my books. Your support is greatly appreciated.

FEATURES

‘Behind those walls of the NICU lies the tiniest fighters’: Joliet Junior College student finishes nursing degree after crisis pregnancy, aspires to work in labor or delivery or a NICU 

'A life is given in the midst of tragic deaths in COVID’: Silver Cross health care experts discuss labor, delivery in COVID-19-positive mothers

LocalLit book preview: #Minooka author works through the death of her youngest son: ‘If I have learned anything, it’s to trust my instincts’

'My worst fear was coming true: labor and the virus’: New mom learned she had #COVID-19 right before labor, honors nurse at Silver Cross Hospital who supported her 

Pets of the Week: May 10: Will County rescues have dogs and cats for adoption

United Way of Will County names new president & CEO: Kamala Martinez ‘will step into the role’ on May 17 

An Extraordinary Life: 'He lived the life most people don’t get to live’: Retired music director from #Joliet Central was a friend and mentor to many

Ashley Pilon of Minooka served as guest weather forecaster on WGN TV: This 4th-grader at Trinity Christian School in Shorewood was chosen due to her exemplary effort in the classroom 

New hearing clinic comes to Will County 

Nursing students from Lewis University in Romeoville help vaccinate people with special needs: Students worked in conjunction with the Will County Health Department 

Music, theater and outside fun - if the rain holds offWill County Inside/Outside Guide offers suggestions for enjoying your weekend 

Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie celebrates 25 years with time capsule: Endangered prairie clover seeds and call-to-action letter just 2 of the items Midewin preserved

Northern Illinois Food Bank honors 2 Channahon volunteers: Carol Ferguson and Amy Winters both serve at the Joliet site 

Frankfort students raise more than $35,900 for American Heart Association



Illustration by Matt Coundiff for "Visage."


Thursday, May 13, 2021

“[For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry],” by Christopher Smart

For people who love cats.

For people who love poetry.

For people who love to discover the gems in the obscure.

A truly delightful poem, Enjoy!

For more about the author, who lived in the 18th century, visit poetryfoundation.org/poets/christopher-smart.


For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.

For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.

For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.

For this is done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.

For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.

For he rolls upon prank to work it in.

For having done duty and received blessing he begins to consider himself.

For this he performs in ten degrees.

For first he looks upon his forepaws to see if they are clean.

For secondly he kicks up behind to clear away there.

For thirdly he works it upon stretch with the forepaws extended.

For fourthly he sharpens his paws by wood.

For fifthly he washes himself.

For sixthly he rolls upon wash.

For seventhly he fleas himself, that he may not be interrupted upon the beat.

For eighthly he rubs himself against a post.

For ninthly he looks up for his instructions.

For tenthly he goes in quest of food.

For having consider'd God and himself he will consider his neighbour.

For if he meets another cat he will kiss her in kindness.

For when he takes his prey he plays with it to give it a chance.

For one mouse in seven escapes by his dallying.

For when his day's work is done his business more properly begins.

For he keeps the Lord's watch in the night against the adversary.

For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical skin and glaring eyes.

For he counteracts the Devil, who is death, by brisking about the life.

For in his morning orisons he loves the sun and the sun loves him.

For he is of the tribe of Tiger.

For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.

For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses.

For he will not do destruction, if he is well-fed, neither will he spit without provocation.

For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he's a good Cat.

For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.

For every house is incomplete without him and a blessing is lacking in the spirit.

For the Lord commanded Moses concerning the cats at the departure of the Children of Israel from Egypt.

For every family had one cat at least in the bag.

For the English Cats are the best in Europe.

For he is the cleanest in the use of his forepaws of any quadruped.

For the dexterity of his defence is an instance of the love of God to him exceedingly.

For he is the quickest to his mark of any creature.

For he is tenacious of his point.

For he is a mixture of gravity and waggery.

For he knows that God is his Saviour.

For there is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest.

For there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion.

For he is of the Lord's poor and so indeed is he called by benevolence perpetually—Poor Jeoffry! poor Jeoffry! the rat has bit thy throat.

For I bless the name of the Lord Jesus that Jeoffry is better.

For the divine spirit comes about his body to sustain it in complete cat.

For his tongue is exceeding pure so that it has in purity what it wants in music.

For he is docile and can learn certain things.

For he can set up with gravity which is patience upon approbation.

For he can fetch and carry, which is patience in employment.

For he can jump over a stick which is patience upon proof positive.

For he can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command.

For he can jump from an eminence into his master's bosom.

For he can catch the cork and toss it again.

For he is hated by the hypocrite and miser.

For the former is afraid of detection.

For the latter refuses the charge.

For he camels his back to bear the first notion of business.

For he is good to think on, if a man would express himself neatly.

For he made a great figure in Egypt for his signal services.

For he killed the Ichneumon-rat very pernicious by land.

For his ears are so acute that they sting again.

For from this proceeds the passing quickness of his attention.

For by stroking of him I have found out electricity.

For I perceived God's light about him both wax and fire.

For the Electrical fire is the spiritual substance, which God sends from heaven to sustain the bodies both of man and beast.

For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.

For, tho he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.

For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadruped.

For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.

For he can swim for life.

For he can creep.


For my cat Frances, who gladly lent her image to this blog.