Saturday, January 27, 2018

Ed Calkins Looks Forward To Calkins Day 2018

Dear MOMI,
As I look forward to the festivities on Calkins’ Day, I wonder if it might be appropriate to bring a tray of my (1st) wife’s famous Gaelic Garlic Bread (and the recipe as well) to the thousands or so lined up for the book signing. (and the recipe as well).
I have a few things to comment about that. 
Firstly, I’d like to reveal my frustration. It would have been so in character for the Steward of Tara to estimate that over a million people attended this signing and any reports of lower numbers were "fake." I’m over a year late. 
Secondly, I’d like to clarify the notion of an Irish vampire bring ‘garlic’ at all. I might say that doing so would weed out vampires of other ethnicities. Better that I should mention the lore of vampires change from culture to culture. 
For example, if you’re being chased by a Chinese vampire, you might throw a rice ball over your shoulder but continue running very fast. Chinese vampires are obsessive/compulsive and would be compelled to count the grains, but they are also very fast with numbers. 
Conversely, were you to throw a beer behind you, and the Irish vampire ceases to chase you, it’s not because he’s counting the drops. Likely he was chasing you because you were holding a beer.
Going back to Joliet is bring back memories of Goddess’ service as a carrier and the other great carriers times present and past: Stan the mighty, Audrey the magnificent, Rene and her "snow tiger" are but a few that come to mind.
Strangely, I’m reminded of the 12th Carrier of Gettysburg who gave his service about 150 years ago. Many might not know the tale, but simply he was the news carrier that finished the Gettysburg route, which the other eleven failed to finish because of the battle and their mortality. 
The ninth might be worthy of note because, although wounded many times, he did most of the route before he bled to death. While the paper’s publisher did commend him, the customary ten dollars per wet paper was deducted from his final annual pay check. 
One might think names should be connected to this tale, but as President Lincoln said in a speech a few months later, “The world will little note nor long remember who delivered here, but they will never forget when their newspaper fails to arrive in a timely fashion."

Ruthlessly yours,
Ed Calkins,
Steward of Tara
Readers note: "The Goddess" to whom the Steward refers is none other than the BryonySeries author herself Denise M. Baran-Unland, dubbed as "paper goddess," because she delivered more newspapers on any given day than any other carrier. Each day, Ed presented her route book to her on bended knee and bowed head.


WHEN: 6 to 8 p.m. Feb. 13, 2018

WHERE: Book and Bean Cafe, 3395 Black Road, Joliet

​ETC: Meet BryonySeries' real Ed Calkins, Steward of Tara and first (and only) Irish vampire on Calkins Day. Buy signed copies of his yet untitled or released book about author Denise M. Baran-Unland's "Irish" genealogy. Refreshments and great coffee for sale. The evening will celebrate Ed's birthday, limericks, Celtic lore, and all things fun and creative. Irish garb (Irish apparel, dressing as leprechauns and other Celtic mythological characters) encouraged.


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