Saturday, June 4, 2016

Steward Setback Saturday: Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, Explains the IVA

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara, Explains the IVA

There are two ways to join. The first way is the simplest.

1) You can think you're Ed Calkins, and thus the spokeman for the Irish Vamprise Association.

2) You don't have to think you're a vampire, but you do have to think you're Irish and have a fondness and dedication to the Irish Vampire cause. You must think that you should be a member, mention this to no one, pay what dues you think you should, and hold what office you think you should hold. What ever dues you pay are the budget for your office, so spend it wisely. Also you must dislike any people you think an Irish Vampire would dislike, and think badly of them as a result.

Image the power of such a secretive structure! Few are foolish enough to cross the IVA. For example, there was a flint dealer named Ug some 10,000 year ago that insulted the IVA. In retailation, its members decided his daughter was unattractive. Poor Ug! Not only did his daughter Lee remain unmarried (and thus childless; it was a simpler time), but too this day when any sight is deemed visually unappealling, the memory of Ug's Lee is mentioned.

P.S. If you are an IVA member and your department is under budget, you could send the excess to Ed Calkins.

By Ed Calkins, the Steward of Tara

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